This has been an ongoing problem. My Dad gropes, swears and says the most awful things to his poor caregivers at his care facility. He has also done this to physical therapists who have been brought in to work with him (he's paralyzed on his left side and wheelchair bound).
I worry that this will cause people to dread caring for him and that they may avoid or neglect him - and I don't really blame them. He can be exremely foul and disgusting. He also swears and and calls the other residents names and yells at his roommate to shut up all the time.
We've done a little work with OT and speech therapy to get him to understand that this is not appropriate to no apparent avail. I don't like visiting him as I'm embarrassed and feel badly for the staff to put up with him. I realize it is because of the brain damage but it's become a real problem.
And anyone with even minimal training in working with stroke or dementia are aware of this
This is NOT within your Dad's control for the most part and in the greater number of cases.
Ask to speak with administration, ask if you can leave a note for caregivers about just how you feel. Trust me, they will understand. I have had folks not only grope me but hook me with their canes! They aren't in control of themselves. I think the more you talk quietly and briefly with caregivers the more they will pass that around. Take in a massive box of donuts and say how sorry you are they have to do this, how embarrassed, and how this just isn't your Dad.
They will understand. OR they are in the wrong business.
A cane whack at your shin really hurts too 🙁.
But you learn to stay out of reach!
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Honestly, I think you probably feel much worse about this than the staff do. You say you realize it's the brain damage, but do you really realize that? Understanding something in words isn't the same as accepting the reality of it, sometimes.
It's very sad for him, it undermines his dignity, it's a loss to him as a person, and I grant you it's not going to win him any Most Adorable Resident prizes. But it is no excuse for neglect or substandard care. What has anyone at the facility had to say about it?
This comes with the territory.
Thank you. Please forgive me.