His Aide always spoke of her finances to my Dad. He at one time complained about her to me. He told me that she did not like it when I came there to his home. That bothered me about her. I always came and visited or took them to the doctor's visits and did their shopping. Even when they had other Home Health Care aides; we exchanged phone numbers in case of emergency. So when I spoke to her confidentially, about bringing up her personal finances to his attention.She denied doing so, and I told her that he told me about needing money for her kids, a divorce and her car repairs. I never spoke to her about her personal life, and I only knew these things because my Dad told me.So she told my Dad that I assaulted her, then called her employer and said, the same thing. I received a phone call from my Dad, very upset & yelling at me.As he threatened to have her call the police on me if I ever came over to his house. I called her employer and they said, that she complained that I assaulted her and they told her to call the police on me if I bothered her again. So I stayed away and called the Veterans for help. No one seemed to give me any help with the company she worked for or her. Her company came out to investigate, and my Dad covered for her. It was a total lie from her, Why would she come between my Dad & I? I have never assaulted anyone in my 57 yrs.After 3 months,she is still working there. He now has neighbors that he lied to about me. I have been accused of stealing from him, he has called family & friends telling them that I have never helped him, and that I am greedy. He has done things that a normal man his age would question. He has caused my Mom to get hurt and fall. He has always been a narcissist, and controlling. My Mom has Parkinson's; and Alzheimer s.She had gone into a deep depression after he moved them away from family in Ca to Missouri 14 yrs ago. I moved back to take care of them in 2008, after my husband passing away. I have since remarried, my Dad has shown anger toward me when I was engaged and remarried and now I live 28 miles away. I have for the past years come to help.When ever he ask for help; I have always been there and if I didn't do as he has asked he has anger issues. He tries to control me like my Mom. I see the issues, and our family doctor thinks he has Alzheimer's disease. I went to get Power of Attorney, and one of my brothers who lives out of state has told him. Our Dad told us that he does not have Alzheimer s and insists there is nothing wrong. He trust people he does not know. He turned his new neighbors against me. They told me that if I come to his home that they would call the police on me. They even went as far as to tell me that they were calling their attorney to get a restraining order on me.
You could simply stay away and, having alerted your brother and APS to what is going on, let the chips fall where they may.
Just make sure it's clear to everyone that when the money has been drained, mom and dad are going to the county home, NOT coming to live with you. That message needs to be strongly delivered to your brother.
caregiving companies and caregivers of our clients. I question the standard of the agency providing his care for not moving her immediately. If you did hit her it's for her safety and if you did not then she is lying. No investigation will really uncover the truth and their reputation is on the line. The agency should be VERY concerned about being associated with type of complaint. There is not a caregiving provider that I work with that would have handled this situation this way.
You moved to be near your father and mother seven years ago. Could you describe how your relationship with them has developed since then? - I imagine that in the usual way you found yourself gradually doing more and more to support them. Write yourself a kind of report, and you will see that your history contains plenty of factual detail that backs you up as a responsible and reliable person who is in no way abusive to her vulnerable elder parents.
This particular aide has been with them how long, three months? - her track record doesn't really begin to compare, does it. On what basis was she hired, and by whom? Are any other home-based caregivers, helpers or professionals involved in your parents' care?
This sets out the background context to the complaints that are then to be made a) by you and b) by this pest person.
a) Your initial complaint was that the HCA was being unprofessional and inappropriate in her daily conversations with your father, discussing with him personal details of her life that had no place in their working relationship. [Aside, your father really got off on playing two ladies against one another, didn't he? Ooh! Cat fight! They're jealous! Silly, silly man.]
The aide's reaction to your reasonable complaint was defensive and retaliatory. She saw you as making trouble for her, and had no scruples in fighting back dirtily. If it's any consolation I personally find that kind of overreaction to a fairly straightforward request that she confine her conversation to more appropriate topics exasperating; but never mind. The key thing is to see where she's coming from, and that is a position where she felt under attack, and now you know how she behaves when criticised. Badly, is how. Make a note.
b) Her complaint against you is that you physically assaulted her, and that you are abusive towards your vulnerable parent. Can she substantiate either of these complaints? No. She can't. They're bollocks, is what they are. Rest your mind, because…
Your father is nuts. His half of the "two against one" testimony counts for nothing. Similarly, comments from any person whose sources are either your father or the aide are unsubstantiated hearsay and therefore worthless.
But given your father's unreliability and your mother's Alzheimer's Disease, you're not going to get POA - neither of them has the capacity to give it to you, evidently. You and your brother had better cut to the chase and go for guardianship. Discuss between the two of you how you would best manage that in practical terms, then go to a lawyer. Pick your lawyer carefully: you want one who is not excitable or vindictive, but strictly practical and focused on your parents' welfare.
Meanwhile, you and your brother and your parents' GP can collaborate on getting that aide replaced. Given the conflict and upset her presence creates, that in itself is reason enough. The dispute about who did what to whom is not relevant to your parents' daily welfare and can be sorted out separately.
I'm sorry for all the hurt and anxiety you must be feeling. But perhaps bathos will help: the more outrageous this woman's accusations become, and the more extreme the lies being told about you, the closer it all gets to outright absurdity and the point at which friends, neighbours and family will laugh at their stories. People stop believing what they hear when it's ridiculous, you know. No one will think badly of you once the picture is clear. Take comfort.
You and your brother needs to figure out your dad's monthly income, his normal expenses. What's left after that? How much does he have in the savings/checking account? Does there seem to be an unusual amount of 'spent' money? This is the only way you can know Roughly how much he's giving her. But it will have to be your brother to do all the legwork dealing with your father, the caregiver and her employment.
Unfortunately, I don't think your brother will be there batting for you or your father based by his actions. Or your brother doesn't believe that your father has Alzheimer.
I would write a letter to her employment. State in an Unemotional way the chronological order of events - EVERYTHING. He said, she said, etc... Even if your letter is like a mini-story. Conclude your letter that you have tried to tell them about their employee and their response. Make a copy for yourself. Then mail it to them - as certified. The only thing is, upon receipt of your letter, they might strongly encourage their employee to file a complaint against you.
So, in the end, I strongly recommend that you First find a very good elder law attorney and find out where you stand, what can be done, etc.... Because at the moment, You are the bad guy in everyone's eyes.
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