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AnnabelleB, you are not alone in this. I have two sisters who remain cold and distant, claiming that Mom was a terrible person. So all of the day-to-day stuff falls on me. I really think that they just don't want to be bothered, that eldercare just doesn't fit in with their perfect little cocktail-party, Martha Stewart lifestyles. I just carry on as best as I can and pretend that I'm an only child. Chances are, Mom will have to spend down her savings for her care, so splitting zero three ways will still be zero. I stay cordial and patient with my sisters now, but when Mom passes, I plan to move away and have nothing to do with them.
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Well I found out that sibling told everyone, during their school years, that there were no other children in the family! Don't think that attitude will ever change. At this point, I have no problem without a reconciliation. Everyone needs people in their life that supports them and at least tries to consider their feelings, and treat them with some respect. Any interaction results in crazy talking and accusing me of ridiculous things, so why even bother? Sad, but true. I would have thought someone who claimed to be such a big church goer would at least TRY.
You know what Maya Angelou said - when someone shows you who they really are at heart, you need to believe them.
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Isn't this all the saddest possible situations for our parents?
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yea, I know what you mean my sister and brother don't want to change their life style to help my mom. but it's ok for me to risk everything and sacrifice most everything. it is my choice, but if I didn't do it, what would happen to my mom? I don't want her to be the one to suffer for their indifference.
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My answer is similar to others. I completely lowered my expectations. To nothing.

When they contact us it is a blessing.

When they don't, it is just them being them.

I absolutely don't hang my hat on anything they say anymore.

It is meaningless, their words.

Their actions are almost none.

So I have dropped it and feel better myself just focusing on taking care of my mom and doing what I have to do to do this well.
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