My siblings are helping very minimally with my mom who is staying with me and who I now care for in many ways. I know that I can't make them do anything and I can't make them care. They have chipped in somewhat financially but that's about it. my sister has taken her to a few doctor appointments. But for the most part neither of them want anything to do with this and have dumped the whole thing on me and at the same time are not even acknowledging that anything is even happening!!!! It's very hard financially and emotionally. How do you deal with the anger and hurt in dealing with this type of situation? It constantly enrages me. As it should I think, but on the other hand I think some people here have dealt with it better. I'd be interested in hearing your stories in dealing with your siblings and how you coped with it. Thanks!!!!! Also, did it destroy your relationship with your siblings if you were doing most everything in care giving and they weren't to the point that it was a huge detriment to both you and the one you are/were caring for? Their behavior doesn't exactly endear me to them and frankly it makes me not like them as people or want to spend any time with them. If they don't give a damn about me or Mom, why should I want anything to do with them? Thank you, I appreciate the support. Also, it really helps me to hear your stories, it makes me feel so much less alone. Thank you.
I don't plan on having a service because at least one would put on a big show of being upset and I refuse to give him a stage for that.
Now, the anger is both at them and at my mother. Despite the fact that they never visit and even now, no longer call, my mother still absolutely glows at the mention of their names. She anticipates their promised visits like a child waiting for Christmas morning - but Christmas never comes. She throws financial support at them but expects me to do everything for free (which I would have no problem my efforts being free if she wasn't constantly rewarding them).
But at the end of all this - and the ends is likely near, I will always know that I did what was right and hopefully, they will carry the burden of whatever guilt or regrets they may have.
Well she didn't want to go to a nursing home and really didn't need one yet. I wanted them to help me talk to her about ALF, they wanted nothing to do with it and said contact Elderly Affairs for help if I wanted it.
I asked them to take her for 4-6 months to give me a break...nope!
So, I resent them, I have cut contact off from them and I am glad I did it. Because I was angry all of the time. I was tired of them saying no. It became very clear they were never going to help so I wanted to save my sanity and cut them off.
Not sure how much this helps but I have found people's true colors come out when taking care of parents comes up, and it's usually not good either.
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