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mom2mom, 1) I love your response, and 2) I am going to do the same thing about not having a service.
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I doubt mine will but it won't affect me either way. I will always know that I did best for Mom (and previously, Dad). what they feel or don't feel is their business.

I don't plan on having a service because at least one would put on a big show of being upset and I refuse to give him a stage for that.
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Do the dead beat siblings ever feel guilty after their parent has passed? I ask because I have seen similar questions asked before, just curious..
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I go back and forth between anger and acceptance. I know that when Mom is gone, I will have no relationship with two of my deadbeat brothers and I accept that they have never been and never will be of any use.

Now, the anger is both at them and at my mother. Despite the fact that they never visit and even now, no longer call, my mother still absolutely glows at the mention of their names. She anticipates their promised visits like a child waiting for Christmas morning - but Christmas never comes. She throws financial support at them but expects me to do everything for free (which I would have no problem my efforts being free if she wasn't constantly rewarding them).

But at the end of all this - and the ends is likely near, I will always know that I did what was right and hopefully, they will carry the burden of whatever guilt or regrets they may have.
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You are so not alone!! My three brothers washed their hands of my mother. They don't visit, call, write or text. I would send them updates about her (she is living with me but moving to ALF soon). They never responded. I asked for help, they said nothing or "deal with it" we told you to put her in a nursing home.

Well she didn't want to go to a nursing home and really didn't need one yet. I wanted them to help me talk to her about ALF, they wanted nothing to do with it and said contact Elderly Affairs for help if I wanted it.

I asked them to take her for 4-6 months to give me a break...nope!

So, I resent them, I have cut contact off from them and I am glad I did it. Because I was angry all of the time. I was tired of them saying no. It became very clear they were never going to help so I wanted to save my sanity and cut them off.

Not sure how much this helps but I have found people's true colors come out when taking care of parents comes up, and it's usually not good either.

I
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