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My dad is in hospice at his nursing home and is near death. I am unable to stay with him 24/7 (no guilt please! I have cancer!). I would just like to prepare - if he dies am I required to go to the nursing home and meet the hospice nurse/identify the body? Obviously, I am not much use to him after he is dead and the hospice has his funeral home information. I'm just curious what the expectations are. I will also ask his hospice social worker the next time we talk.

No you are not required to meet the Hospice Nurse or anyone else.
If you have arrangements made with a Funeral Home and the Hospice is aware of those arrangements they will make the call to the Funeral Home.
Just so you know you can ask the Hospice Nurse for a Vigil Volunteer. A group of trained Vigil Volunteers will stay with your dad if you can not be there, or if you do not want to be there "alone" with him. As your dad begins the "actively Dying phase Volunteers will begin sitting with him and after a few hours another Volunteer will show up to take the first one's place. This will continue until your dad dies.
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bluebell19 Jul 18, 2024
Thank you, this did not happen when my MIL died last year. They did not think she was actively dying so provided no services other than normal and her daughter stayed with her for those last 3 days, and we were with her when she died at the nursing home. I hope this hospice is better. (or that my dad shows more of the classic signs, I will try to be there if I can)
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My dad died Sunday morning. I was not there but was able to see him before the funeral home took him. Thank you all for your responses.
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Anxietynacy Jul 25, 2024
So sorry for your loss, Bluebell. 🙏😔
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I am sorry to hear about your cancer; hope any treatment you are under goes well. As for your dad, if you do not want to perhaps expose yourself to any illness by going to the nursing home to identify the body, whenever that happens, could they not FaceTime you or use some similar technology so you don't have to make the trip in? Or could you designate a proxy to visit? They know who he is; I don't think they would need someone else to identify him.
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When my dad died in the hospital, there was no official ID'ing of his body. I think that may happen more on TV than in real life.
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bluebell19 Jul 17, 2024
Thanks. I know I'll have to get his stuff but I would rather not have to go in the middle of the night if that's when the death occurs. Of course, I will try to be with him if it is known that death is near, but in my experience that is a tough call. MIL lingered for days in the same state and then just stopped breathing.
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I am sorry you're going through so much, bluebell. I'd call the nursing home and speak to the director, or as you wrote, his hospice social worker.

He or she can walk you through everything, answer any questions, and ease your mind.

I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you well with your treatments.
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No , you don’t have to go . They will call to let you know he passed . They will ask if you want to come to the nursing home before the funeral home comes to transport the body .
Just tell the person on the phone “ Thank you for offering but I will not be coming , I have said my goodbyes at my visits . “

They offer but they are not going to judge you for not going . Some want to go , others don’t go. It’s not unusual either way .

Also , some are in nursing homes not near family , and no one is able to go at that time , especially if death was not imminently expected .

I would assume if your state requires you to ID the body it could be done at the funeral home during daytime business hours .
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cover9339 Jul 17, 2024
Facility wants the body gone ASAP, Decomposition starts immediately after death, best to get the body refrigerated
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My Mom was in a NH with Hospice. I was never asked to ID the body. I was called that she passed by a facility nurse. Hospice never called me. I was asked if I wanted to see her, I said no. The funeral home was a local one the whole family had used. The director knew my Mom. Not sure who called the director to come get her, but someone other than me did.
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So sorry for both of you Prayers.

You don't need to be there. NH will contact hospice and/or the funeral home and his body will be removed from the NH. If it is at night, they'll remove the body before the other residents would awake, so it won't be a traumatic experience.

This happened to the lady at the facility who passed Christmas evening. She was removed before the residents in the facility awoke, She was gone before the day crew checked in at 7.
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I was with my mom when she died. Hospice nurse came to pronounce her dead and a clergy woman did a prayer. They allowed me to sit with her for an hour after she died. Hospice transported her to the funeral home and I went there to make arrangements. No one asked me to identify her in any of it. I think Hospice will take care of it all for you, but just check with them about what they provide.
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When mom was in MC on hospice, a staff member called me early in the morning to notify me. There is no need to identify the body. MCs and hospice should already have a photo. Hospice gave me a contact number to pronounce rather than calling 911. It was my option on whether to come in or not before the funeral home and her body was cremated. I did not because I visited the day before knowing it was a short matter of time. I was happier to talk to her in her alive but non communicative state.
In fact when my aunt passed on hospice in IL with a caregiver, several hours passed before the funeral home took the body. Another family member wanted to come in for last goodbye since she would be cremated. Several residents in her IL were allowed to give condolences while I waited for the family member to come and for funeral pick up. Everyone was courteous and patient.
You might also get asked by the funeral home if you want to come in for a viewing before the body is cremated.
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