My dad is in hospice at his nursing home and is near death. I am unable to stay with him 24/7 (no guilt please! I have cancer!). I would just like to prepare - if he dies am I required to go to the nursing home and meet the hospice nurse/identify the body? Obviously, I am not much use to him after he is dead and the hospice has his funeral home information. I'm just curious what the expectations are. I will also ask his hospice social worker the next time we talk.
As soon as someone passes, the PoA ends and the assigned Executor steps up legally to "take it from there". If no executor is named, then I guess the morgue contacts next of kin. My Aunt had named which funeral home and type of internment was desired, so after having her identity confirmed her body went to the funeral home for preparation. The funeral home then asked me (the executor) how many copies of her death certficate I wanted (I asked for 5). Then the funeral home is in close contact with the Executor and whoever else is authorized to make the final service and burial decisions.
All this may vary by state.
It is a good thing I showed up to be with my mother when I did. Her death was imminent. I was able to contact my sisters and they came with their husbands and we wheeled our dad in the room to be with her. My sister who was her health proxy was not notified by the hospice nurse that our mother was dying until after she was already gone.
I just feel that my mother was unimportant to the hospice group who was entrusted with my mother's final care and support. This was Calvary in New York City which is touted as one of the best. Very disappointed.
He or she can walk you through everything, answer any questions, and ease your mind.
I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you well with your treatments.
You don't need to be there. NH will contact hospice and/or the funeral home and his body will be removed from the NH. If it is at night, they'll remove the body before the other residents would awake, so it won't be a traumatic experience.
This happened to the lady at the facility who passed Christmas evening. She was removed before the residents in the facility awoke, She was gone before the day crew checked in at 7.
Just tell the person on the phone “ Thank you for offering but I will not be coming , I have said my goodbyes at my visits . “
They offer but they are not going to judge you for not going . Some want to go , others don’t go. It’s not unusual either way .
Also , some are in nursing homes not near family , and no one is able to go at that time , especially if death was not imminently expected .
I would assume if your state requires you to ID the body it could be done at the funeral home during daytime business hours .
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If you have arrangements made with a Funeral Home and the Hospice is aware of those arrangements they will make the call to the Funeral Home.
Just so you know you can ask the Hospice Nurse for a Vigil Volunteer. A group of trained Vigil Volunteers will stay with your dad if you can not be there, or if you do not want to be there "alone" with him. As your dad begins the "actively Dying phase Volunteers will begin sitting with him and after a few hours another Volunteer will show up to take the first one's place. This will continue until your dad dies.
In fact when my aunt passed on hospice in IL with a caregiver, several hours passed before the funeral home took the body. Another family member wanted to come in for last goodbye since she would be cremated. Several residents in her IL were allowed to give condolences while I waited for the family member to come and for funeral pick up. Everyone was courteous and patient.
You might also get asked by the funeral home if you want to come in for a viewing before the body is cremated.
No guilt, of course. No one will judge you and in fact I would caution you NOT to spend 24/7 with your Dad even if you were not yourself dealing with your own health issues; I wish you the best with you diagnosis. You are not alone. I have recently been diagnosed with my second bout of the big C. I wish you the very best of luck and hope you will update us.