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My dad is in hospice at his nursing home and is near death. I am unable to stay with him 24/7 (no guilt please! I have cancer!). I would just like to prepare - if he dies am I required to go to the nursing home and meet the hospice nurse/identify the body? Obviously, I am not much use to him after he is dead and the hospice has his funeral home information. I'm just curious what the expectations are. I will also ask his hospice social worker the next time we talk.

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I am sorry to hear about your cancer; hope any treatment you are under goes well. As for your dad, if you do not want to perhaps expose yourself to any illness by going to the nursing home to identify the body, whenever that happens, could they not FaceTime you or use some similar technology so you don't have to make the trip in? Or could you designate a proxy to visit? They know who he is; I don't think they would need someone else to identify him.
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Reply to YaYa79
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I was the PoA and executor for my Aunt with advanced dementia. She was far away in another state, in a rehab facility for a broken hip. The facility called me early one morning to inform me she had passed away (within 30 minutes of her passing). Usually a doctor needs to confirm the death and record an official time of death first before family is notified. Then the facility called the morgue and they took her body away. Her sister who also had been living with her did go to ID her body in the morgue. There was no real question about her cause of death so it was a pretty straight-forward process.

As soon as someone passes, the PoA ends and the assigned Executor steps up legally to "take it from there". If no executor is named, then I guess the morgue contacts next of kin. My Aunt had named which funeral home and type of internment was desired, so after having her identity confirmed her body went to the funeral home for preparation. The funeral home then asked me (the executor) how many copies of her death certficate I wanted (I asked for 5). Then the funeral home is in close contact with the Executor and whoever else is authorized to make the final service and burial decisions.

All this may vary by state.
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JoAnn29 Jul 17, 2024
The Executor can not take over until they go to Probate and Probate excepts them as Executor and gives them a short certificate allowing them to handle the estate. Probate can't be done until a certain amt of days after death. In my State anyway.
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When my dad died in the hospital, there was no official ID'ing of his body. I think that may happen more on TV than in real life.
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bluebell19 Jul 17, 2024
Thanks. I know I'll have to get his stuff but I would rather not have to go in the middle of the night if that's when the death occurs. Of course, I will try to be with him if it is known that death is near, but in my experience that is a tough call. MIL lingered for days in the same state and then just stopped breathing.
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My Mom was in a NH with Hospice. I was never asked to ID the body. I was called that she passed by a facility nurse. Hospice never called me. I was asked if I wanted to see her, I said no. The funeral home was a local one the whole family had used. The director knew my Mom. Not sure who called the director to come get her, but someone other than me did.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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My sisters, my father and I were there at her bedside when my mother died last month at the nursing home. My sister called the funeral home and made arrangements to bring her there. We didn't have to fill out any paperwork or anything. We just left after she passed.

It is a good thing I showed up to be with my mother when I did. Her death was imminent. I was able to contact my sisters and they came with their husbands and we wheeled our dad in the room to be with her. My sister who was her health proxy was not notified by the hospice nurse that our mother was dying until after she was already gone.

I just feel that my mother was unimportant to the hospice group who was entrusted with my mother's final care and support. This was Calvary in New York City which is touted as one of the best. Very disappointed.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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I am sorry you're going through so much, bluebell. I'd call the nursing home and speak to the director, or as you wrote, his hospice social worker.

He or she can walk you through everything, answer any questions, and ease your mind.

I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you well with your treatments.
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Reply to MountainMoose
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So sorry for both of you Prayers.

You don't need to be there. NH will contact hospice and/or the funeral home and his body will be removed from the NH. If it is at night, they'll remove the body before the other residents would awake, so it won't be a traumatic experience.

This happened to the lady at the facility who passed Christmas evening. She was removed before the residents in the facility awoke, She was gone before the day crew checked in at 7.
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Reply to cover9339
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No , you don’t have to go . They will call to let you know he passed . They will ask if you want to come to the nursing home before the funeral home comes to transport the body .
Just tell the person on the phone “ Thank you for offering but I will not be coming , I have said my goodbyes at my visits . “

They offer but they are not going to judge you for not going . Some want to go , others don’t go. It’s not unusual either way .

Also , some are in nursing homes not near family , and no one is able to go at that time , especially if death was not imminently expected .

I would assume if your state requires you to ID the body it could be done at the funeral home during daytime business hours .
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Reply to waytomisery
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cover9339 Jul 17, 2024
Facility wants the body gone ASAP, Decomposition starts immediately after death, best to get the body refrigerated
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No you are not required to meet the Hospice Nurse or anyone else.
If you have arrangements made with a Funeral Home and the Hospice is aware of those arrangements they will make the call to the Funeral Home.
Just so you know you can ask the Hospice Nurse for a Vigil Volunteer. A group of trained Vigil Volunteers will stay with your dad if you can not be there, or if you do not want to be there "alone" with him. As your dad begins the "actively Dying phase Volunteers will begin sitting with him and after a few hours another Volunteer will show up to take the first one's place. This will continue until your dad dies.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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bluebell19 Jul 18, 2024
Thank you, this did not happen when my MIL died last year. They did not think she was actively dying so provided no services other than normal and her daughter stayed with her for those last 3 days, and we were with her when she died at the nursing home. I hope this hospice is better. (or that my dad shows more of the classic signs, I will try to be there if I can)
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I couldn't be with my brother when he died because there was a covid outbreak at the nursing home. I did have to call the funeral home in the middle of the night to go for his body. There was no identifying as far as I know. Maybe his daughter had to do that at the funeral home the next day before I got there to help her with arrangements.
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Reply to ArtistDaughter
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I was with my mom when she died. Hospice nurse came to pronounce her dead and a clergy woman did a prayer. They allowed me to sit with her for an hour after she died. Hospice transported her to the funeral home and I went there to make arrangements. No one asked me to identify her in any of it. I think Hospice will take care of it all for you, but just check with them about what they provide.
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No but verify with staff at nursing home.
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Reply to brandee
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When mom was in MC on hospice, a staff member called me early in the morning to notify me. There is no need to identify the body. MCs and hospice should already have a photo. Hospice gave me a contact number to pronounce rather than calling 911. It was my option on whether to come in or not before the funeral home and her body was cremated. I did not because I visited the day before knowing it was a short matter of time. I was happier to talk to her in her alive but non communicative state.
In fact when my aunt passed on hospice in IL with a caregiver, several hours passed before the funeral home took the body. Another family member wanted to come in for last goodbye since she would be cremated. Several residents in her IL were allowed to give condolences while I waited for the family member to come and for funeral pick up. Everyone was courteous and patient.
You might also get asked by the funeral home if you want to come in for a viewing before the body is cremated.
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Reply to MACinCT
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My dad died Sunday morning. I was not there but was able to see him before the funeral home took him. Thank you all for your responses.
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Anxietynacy Jul 25, 2024
So sorry for your loss, Bluebell. 🙏😔
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So sorry for your loss. (((Hugs))))
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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No you will not have to do that. I didn't have to for my brother who died many miles from me. There is no reason to have to do that at all. That happens only usually with a violent death where there is some question as to the identity.
No guilt, of course. No one will judge you and in fact I would caution you NOT to spend 24/7 with your Dad even if you were not yourself dealing with your own health issues; I wish you the best with you diagnosis. You are not alone. I have recently been diagnosed with my second bout of the big C. I wish you the very best of luck and hope you will update us.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Anxietynacy Jul 25, 2024
Alva, about 4 post down, BlueBells dad passed, a few days ago
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