My 92 year old mother recently lost her 99 year old brother. Please note she only saw him a few times in the last 10 years and they rarely spoke on the phone. She wants to go to the memorial service which is a 4-5 hour drive away. I am dreading this trip since she will talk non-stop the entire trip. And it will likely end up a 2 day trip with a hotel stay.
On any trip with her, even a 15 minute trip to a store, she complains non-stop about everything in her life past and present, repeating the same complaints I have heard over and over.
When she isn't complaining she reads aloud EVERY billboard and road sign. On one trip I kept count, to distract myself, and she couldn’t go 10 seconds without a comment of some kind.
I am single and happy with my own company so a long trip shut up with her will be exhausting. Add in the physical stress of driving the car, every restroom and meal stop includes wrestling her rolling walker in and out of the car then slowly walking into the facility while she complains about her physical debility, the lack of access for the elderly, heavy doors, etc.
Mom lives in AL and spends most of her day in her room watching TV so having an audience is her idea of heaven. I try so hard to be understanding but how do I get her to meet me half way? Would I be a horrible person for spiking her water bottle with Ambien?
I guess maybe I am hard-core but I just think mean people need to realize there is a limit as to how much other people will volunteer to experience their meanness and unpleasantness. She can send some flowers or try to rope in a younger, more gullible family member. No.
My 92 year old always- sniping and non -stop complaining mother is also 90% deaf, which adds even MORE fun to the outing experiences! But she refuses to go to funerals.....she even passed on her own mother's! Her excuse is she's respected these people in life, that's good enough. I guess since they're dead and won't know she's there at the funeral, presumably, then she can't get the Brownie Points for showing up.
In any event, I can't advise you on what to do to minimize your pain and suffering here, short of wearing earplugs......think she'd notice? Maybe some Xanax for you in the evenings at the hotel will help you relax. I truly do not think you can do a single thing to get her to meet you half way. These women have NO IDEA they're so negative or annoying, nor do they care one iota, so they can't change something they don't acknowledge to begin with. Unfortunately.
Good luck and Godspeed, dear woman.
👍. Agree.
just dont take the trip at all...it's ridiculous.
(In my lowly opinion).
Think about how great you'd feel if you just weren't going! It's not unreasonable or a sin, to just say 'not going'.
I would love to hang out with you! You are a bright spot on this forum.
You always make me giggle. Thanks.
There are people who believe it's their sworn duty to fill every waking moment with chatter. My 93-year-old mother (with dementia) is one of those. Always has been. It would be bad enough if it was reading billboards but most of it is complaining, dredging up issues from the past and present ad nauseum. (I find myself mouthing her words as she complains, so familiar am I with her stories). She seldom takes naps and never as a passenger in my car. There's no relief.
First of all I would never, ever take Mom on a 4-hour trip. I'd be suicidal before we reached the half-way mark. I limit the duration of our excursions 20 minutes at a stretch, max. I tell Mom she gets 15 minutes to complain; her time is up. Makes her mad but I'm past caring. Sometimes that hushes her up for a few minutes. Sometimes I turn the radio up. Real loud. Or pop in music or a book on CD, loud enough to drown her out.
At mid-stage she's easier to redirect. When she gets stuck on something negative, which is highly typical, I ask her about some pleasant association from her past; usually about her parents or siblings from way back. At least positive chatter is better than negative chatter.
Spiking her water with Ambien? Tempting, but no. For me, that just crosses the line, unless it's bed-time for your mom, she won't hush up, and necessity requires you share her sleeping quarters. But no, my dear, you are not a horrible person. Just a tired, exasperated, desperate person. (((Hugs)))
Hope this helps.
This is all about show, no reason to take her.
Just say No and get on with your life.
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