This started about 2 months ago. I'm not sure if this person is not taking enough showers or isn't washing clothes enough or does it come from sweaters/jackets worn around the house? It is getting so bad we can hardly ride around in the car with this relative. How can I bring this up without causing major drama?
Good luck. This is touchy to be sure, but not unusual.
Carol
this is a symptom of dementia where the person just doesn't take showers or bathe. Like Carol says, it is not unusual but it is impossible to live with.
My mom did it. There was a period of about 2 weeks that I realized I didn't hear the shower going anymore and that mom was getting ripe.
I had to deal with it because I don't do stink. Period.
It ended up with me understanding that she just couldn't do it for herself anymore and that I had to do it for her and I did. We got the shower chair so she wouldn't be afraid of falling in the shower and after a few times of me giving her the spa treament where I did her hair and a little makeup, she looked forward to the showers but it was a real fight in the beginning.
If you are the caregiver, you have to figure out a way to get them scrubbed, but they have to get clean because they can become ill, you will become ill and it's just no way to live.
I always used humor with my mom and she would end up laughing and that's the way I got her in the shower and did everything else I had to do.
In the meantime, use Febreeze!! Not Kidding!! that's what I did to mom, gave her the light misting and the next day she finally agreed to let me shower her. She acted like I was killing her the whole time but she came out all shiney on the hiney.
Good luck,
lovbob
1. Ask them why they do not want a shower. Sometimes it's as simple as they just don't want their hair washed. OK fine, we won't wash your hair, but we do need to at least get your butt and pits.
2. I will tell them flat out they need to take a shower so they don't stink.
3. And if they have a relative that visits frequently, I will tell them "Your daughter (or wife, or whomever) will be upset if they come visit later, to find you unshowered and unshaven.
Those 3 tactics work 95% of the time. Now for those who have dementia and cannot be reasoned with, I set up the shower room with toiletries, clean clothes, EVERYTHING that is needed for their shower. Do not ask them if they want to take a shower, do not tell them it's time for a shower. I say nothing about a shower. I will lead them to the shower room, telling them something like "we need to change your pants because there is a stain on them". Once they are in there and we get their pants down, I will have them have a seat in the shower chair. I get the water going. When they ask what I'm doing, I'll tell them while we're in here 1/2 undressed, might as well get in a quick wash up.
IT GROSSES ME OUT!
So I moved out. Problem solved.
Being the enemy most of the time with my husband who suffers from several things, one being Solvent Dementia, I no longer will do med management, moving out of the caretaker position slowly including doing only my wash (not his) & just have had to remove myself from the process. No more cooking, cleaning but in my house. Wish I had something of support to add but I don't.
I am taking care of ME.
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