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This started about 2 months ago. I'm not sure if this person is not taking enough showers or isn't washing clothes enough or does it come from sweaters/jackets worn around the house? It is getting so bad we can hardly ride around in the car with this relative. How can I bring this up without causing major drama?

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somebody give me a hug, I completely relate to you....same with mom. she doesn’t know the last time she showered. Then she only stays in short while, not enough to do complete cleaning.....I am using a calendar too to show her dates of shower.
She refuses to let me help her shower, therefore, she cuts it short and doesnt clean well. Now she sleeps in her clothes for a couple of days...I Know she doesn’t realize it. I want to keep her home as long as possible. I do not believe she would get care as she does at home. in Limbo!!!!!
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What do you do when you tell them they can't go out in public because of how bad the odor is and they laugh at you and says, "Whatever"? When my mom walks by me I have to cover my mouth and nose. I tell her compassionately how bad it is, and she laughs! Her showers are 3 minutes tops, she doesn't use soap, and she still stinks when she comes out. I told her someone would call DFACS on me and they would put me in jail for elder abuse. She laughed.
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Hello. I am the person in our family with the body odor. I am a 62 year old woman who used to be referred to as "Mrs. Clean". Everything and everyone was clean to the point of a cleanliness obsession. But now I just don't care anymore. I have a sound mind. I fully realize that I don't shower for days and wear the same clothing for two to three days, so they too, have an odor. I have recently come to the realization that what I am feeling is useless. I have fibromyalgia which I did not before let get in my way so I do not believe that is my problem. I do not live regular hours like most people. I go to bed at 6 p.m., get up around midnight and watch T. V. I take care of the dogs only to feed them and let them out. I used to spend hours outside now I go out only if I absolutely have to. I am married to a wonderful man for 40 years now. We have 2 grown daughters, 3 grandchildren and no problems with any of them. I feel isolated, lonely, and very useless. I am not looking for advice. I know what I need to do, it is just getting myself there. I write this to tell you that perhaps some of you are dealing with seniors who just don't know where they belong and what they are needed for anymore. If they spend most of their time alone, they may not see the point of taking care of themselves anymore. It's a matter of "I just don't want to anymore." I realize this is not eveyone's problem, especially when your person is much older than I am and the brain just does not work right anymore. But, for folks right around my age, 62, make sure you do not abandon their life. Give them a reason to keep going forward, be kind, and involve them in family and friends activities. Go out of your way and love them back into living. The above comment I read have helped me. I hope mine help someone else. Now, I am heading to the shower and then to the laundry room. Thank you all...j
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I delt with this issue for 17 years. Also being in the profession, I have had to address many others.
IT GROSSES ME OUT!
So I moved out. Problem solved.

Being the enemy most of the time with my husband who suffers from several things, one being Solvent Dementia, I no longer will do med management, moving out of the caretaker position slowly including doing only my wash (not his) & just have had to remove myself from the process. No more cooking, cleaning but in my house. Wish I had something of support to add but I don't.
I am taking care of ME.
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Going thru this now with my mom (87). She is very angry in her old age and difficult to talk to. We are at our whits end because even when I addressed her odor in a very calm sweet caring manner she became irate and said there is something wrong with MY nose...she does not smell. It is so bad when she gets out of my car, the odor lingers. In WalMart people stare because she smells up the entire isle. At a family event I overheard two men asking "is that you" and smelling their pits.....NOPE it is MY mom. I have no idea how to handle it because she was raised to conserve everything and water is no exception and she REFUSES to bathe more than once/twice a month. She washes her hair in the sink once a week and she will wear the same clothes 10 times before she washes them. I know she is beginning with dimentia but, I can't say anything cause she just explodes in anger. My next step is having her doctor tell her (unfortunately she bathes before her yearly physical so he may miss the stench). Ugh.
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bobbie reminded me of a point we deal with here. My grandfather has lost sense of time and added to not wanting to bath, he will Insist vociferously that "He JUST TOOK a bath/shower." My mother started putting the day he had a bath ON HIS Calendar so she can point to it. It does piss him off.."I know I KNOW YOU PUT IT ON THE CALENDAR!!" He will snap, but the fact is yes she did, and it means it has been such and such time since you had you bathe, period. He is of the form of Dementia that he thinks he has only not been driving for two years and has only been wearing that same shirt two days...when it has been more like ten and five...
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I work in a nursing home. Yes, this is incredibly common and a very aggravating one. Those who are still with it mentally, but is stubborn about taking a shower I will...

1. Ask them why they do not want a shower. Sometimes it's as simple as they just don't want their hair washed. OK fine, we won't wash your hair, but we do need to at least get your butt and pits.

2. I will tell them flat out they need to take a shower so they don't stink.

3. And if they have a relative that visits frequently, I will tell them "Your daughter (or wife, or whomever) will be upset if they come visit later, to find you unshowered and unshaven.

Those 3 tactics work 95% of the time. Now for those who have dementia and cannot be reasoned with, I set up the shower room with toiletries, clean clothes, EVERYTHING that is needed for their shower. Do not ask them if they want to take a shower, do not tell them it's time for a shower. I say nothing about a shower. I will lead them to the shower room, telling them something like "we need to change your pants because there is a stain on them". Once they are in there and we get their pants down, I will have them have a seat in the shower chair. I get the water going. When they ask what I'm doing, I'll tell them while we're in here 1/2 undressed, might as well get in a quick wash up.
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I am having the same bathing/showering/clean clothes problem with my husband. I do my best to gather all the clothes while he is still asleep and get them in the washer before he is up. He absolutely refuses any help. Me or outside help. I'm at my wits end too. I won't live in a stinky environment either. I think my dogs are cleaner than he is at times. I fight this all the time. I have used a lot of what others are suggesting and getting nowhere. He will go into the bathroom and lock the door on me. If he does get in the shower he uses no soap. Believe me I can afford soap and there is plenty on the shelf. That is because he never uses it! I've even told him to wash with his shampoo which he will use. It is mild enough for your body too. Oh, by the way, I have removed the lock from the bathroom door. I feel like a salmon swimming up stream.
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This is a common and difficult issue for our elderly loved ones. Bathing is a personnal thing... however NOT bathing is a problem. It can also cause skin problems, I would just talk honestly but kindly to your loved one. Maybe they are afraid of falling. Maybe they don't remember that they have not bathed. Get some good smelling soap, real soft towels and be patient and gentle. Maybe someone from a home care agency would be appropriate however sometimes folks want someone from the family. This is not easy I know. Take care and remember what you are doing is very important.
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I would approach the matter with concern...such as...."Betty, I have noticed over the last few weeks an unusual body "scent", Have you changed soaps or your daily bathing routine? Is there anything I can do to offer assistance? Sometimes a sudden change in body odor can indicate a disease process and I would like to take you to the doctor for an exam." I would then have a professional address the importance of daily bathing and if they need assistance consider hiring a home health company to provide assistance if she is reluctant to have a family member assist. This is not uncommon in the elderly. As their senses change and lose of smell, they are often unaware that shortcuts in the shower or bath are effecting their body odor. However, beware that this could also indicate something more serious.
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Thank you all so much for your input! So much to consider and think about. That is very helpful! I think it may have to do with feeling safe and the heat issue. She is cold a lot and even though we have provided extra heat in her area, I think we need to address figuring out how to really heat up her bathroom where the shower is. Also I think a seat inside the shower might help too. We have a bar, but it may be time to get the seat going. I'm going to start looking into this asap.
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A common but serious issue, get on is asap, be as considerate and as firm as you can, reason that it is not something that will be tolerated, go for health related issues, in home safety issues, appearance issues. remind them not being able to look after themselves can increase the likely hood of losing more control over their lives, make the bathing experience as warm, safe, routine, fun and short as possible. Let them know it is a must do, give help where it is needed back off where it isn't respect their privacy all the while reminding them the importance of it. Don't over talk it or yell. Trust me I have seen this tried, sometimes it helps if they have time to adjust to the idea, possibly let them pick out the towels or soap they would like to use, if they are mentally child like it could help to have say character shampoo bottles or fun little kid soaps, if it is a lady getting special scented soaps or bath lotions may help. If the person has all there wits about them but has no intention of being bullied into bathing, try the medical angle. Always remember to make the area welcoming and as SAFE as possible;e. the two complaints I hear over and over have been it is too cold and fear of falling, and both are legitimate concerns, a towel on the bath bench helps for coldness, preheat the room as well, and have all the grab bards that are needed installed are help them to use them not lean on furniture or hold to walls for support. Always remember you can ask their doctor and local nursing homes can be sort of as clearing house for information of products to use, and help that is available. Sometimes it helps if they have a bath attendant that isn't family, sometimes it is the opposite, LISTEN to what your loved one says and firmly but gently guide them into the path of personal hygiene. Better for them, better for you... Hope it works.
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Bobbie is our voice of reason -not bathing is very common in the elderly-I guess they just do not smell themselves but it needs to be addressed and you may have to tell him he will not be able to stay in his home if this is not taken care-someone somewhere might report the family to APS for negleting him-if he still refuses you might need to contact his family and let them know how concerned you are about this-I think the Febreeze is a great idea, would you let us know how things turn out this is a good teaching point because one of the first signs of dementia is not bathing or changeing their clothes and it is a good sign of things to come.
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Hey there,
this is a symptom of dementia where the person just doesn't take showers or bathe. Like Carol says, it is not unusual but it is impossible to live with.
My mom did it. There was a period of about 2 weeks that I realized I didn't hear the shower going anymore and that mom was getting ripe.
I had to deal with it because I don't do stink. Period.
It ended up with me understanding that she just couldn't do it for herself anymore and that I had to do it for her and I did. We got the shower chair so she wouldn't be afraid of falling in the shower and after a few times of me giving her the spa treament where I did her hair and a little makeup, she looked forward to the showers but it was a real fight in the beginning.
If you are the caregiver, you have to figure out a way to get them scrubbed, but they have to get clean because they can become ill, you will become ill and it's just no way to live.
I always used humor with my mom and she would end up laughing and that's the way I got her in the shower and did everything else I had to do.
In the meantime, use Febreeze!! Not Kidding!! that's what I did to mom, gave her the light misting and the next day she finally agreed to let me shower her. She acted like I was killing her the whole time but she came out all shiney on the hiney.
Good luck,
lovbob
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that is a hard one to answer since we are dealing with the same issue with our grandpa. He acts like he doesn't like that someone should be at the house when he takes a shower...but he won't take them because I think it's where he has the control of himself where others do not. I'm going to go over there and try and let him know that if he doesn't take a shower and properly clean himself, that living at home might not be something that he can still do...it's a form of self abuse...I believe he's depressed since his wife died alittle over a year ago. We are family but only through marriage to my husbands grandma...since she's gone...we really don't have any say, and his family doesn't tell us anything. We still visit him, and I believe that he would listen. You might just need to give subtle hints...like whats that smell? or maybe not so subtle. I don't know your relatives situation, but with ours it might just be time that he needs more round the clock care. I'm going to tell our grandpa that if he doesn't take care of himself, that he won't be able to stay living on his own...that the state could involve themself if they think he isn't taking care of himself. I hope that will kinda scare him into action...but he's stubborn and 96...so we'll see how that goes. It is really hard. Whatever you do...do it with love.
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Does this person have a friend who can help? Often, someone other than family members can address these issues without seeming offensive. Either way, try to keep it from being personal. You could suggest that you are "rounding up" all the sweaters and jackets worn repeatedly for a good washing, and then include the ones that person wears. Then, try the same method with clothing. If this doesn't solve the problem, then showering may be an issue. Depression or other health issues can contribute to lack of personal hygiene, so a visit to a doctor may be in order.
Good luck. This is touchy to be sure, but not unusual.
Carol
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