My parents have been married for 62 years. My father is 90 mom is 85. My dad pays all their expenses; always has. I just discovered that my father had 7 bank accounts with only his name on them. I know, too many accounts. The majority of their money are in these account. My father refuses to even put her on as a beneficiary. I have explained the ramifications of this and he is firm and determined not to change anything. He does not want anyone else's name anywhere on his accounts. Stubborn does not describe him. It's too kind of a word. They do have a small joint account and she will get survivor benefits. They live in NY. This is going to be a mess for me to clean up one day. This is not a small amount money either. It's his life savings. Any thoughts community? Thanks
Sometimes we need to use what are called therapeutic fibs to get our elders to do something which is in their best interest. For me, it was getting my parents [also in their 90's] to update their Wills, which were older than dirt. What I said was their Will was so out-of-date that the State would get half of everything. Dad's ears perked up, and he immediately had his and my Mom's Will updated, plus updating their Power of Attorneys to include two names instead of just one, plus other legal documents.
You can do that with your Dad, tell him without a beneficiary on his bank accounts, the State will get half the money. Yes, it's a fib, hopefully it will work.
Hope your parents have Power of Attorneys drawn up, so in case Dad is no longer able to handle paying bills, etc. then the financial POA can step in. Oh, my parents also had banks accounts spread over a lot of banks... guess there must have been free toasters and waffle makers if you opened a new account :P
I have to admit, I wondered if he was hiding something. Then it dawned on me that perhaps his background/knowledge is such that he does not have a clear understanding of the limited effect of assigning a beneficiary.
I would want to be really clear that I inderstood his reasoning. So ask him what would change if mom was assigned as beneficiary. Listen carefully, keep an open mind. If he says "it is my account.". Say "yes it is, and it still will be yours and only yours with no one else having access. But should you pass away they will know who is to inherit it. For your life time everything about the account remains as it always has been."
He would have to come up with a really good reason for not doing it for me to stop exploring and explaining that this is what a responsible husband does; ensures his wife's security should he no longer be able to do so himself.
Does he have a will? Does your mother have a will? Has she seen his will?
How much money the gov't & executor will take their % of estate is the issue - best to explain to dad he has already paid taxes on his money but without a beneficiary then there will be extra taxes that he could avoid - does he want the gov't to get his hard earn money or his family to remember him as savvy by avoiding extra taxes, work etc
The bank VP told Dad that he needed to add me to all the accounts in case of emergency so the money could be reached if I had to purchase anything for him. (like a nursing home)
He only turned to me and asked what would I do with the monies if he died? I said, just like in your will, it will all be divided equally. He signed the paperwork and for 7 years I was on all his accounts until the day he passed. (I did not discuss his finances with anyone.)
I was already named Executrix by my mother and I did keep him out of a NH. A year after he died, at probate, I learned that legally, everything was mine.
Everything was divided equally between us siblings.
If he would be willing to put you mom as the sole beneficiary than that will hopefully solve your problem. If not, then I am sorry. Maybe if your mom talked to him and it wasn't you; would that work?
See All Answers