My parents have been married for 62 years. My father is 90 mom is 85. My dad pays all their expenses; always has. I just discovered that my father had 7 bank accounts with only his name on them. I know, too many accounts. The majority of their money are in these account. My father refuses to even put her on as a beneficiary. I have explained the ramifications of this and he is firm and determined not to change anything. He does not want anyone else's name anywhere on his accounts. Stubborn does not describe him. It's too kind of a word. They do have a small joint account and she will get survivor benefits. They live in NY. This is going to be a mess for me to clean up one day. This is not a small amount money either. It's his life savings. Any thoughts community? Thanks
If he would be willing to put you mom as the sole beneficiary than that will hopefully solve your problem. If not, then I am sorry. Maybe if your mom talked to him and it wasn't you; would that work?
I know a lady who was down to her last $10.00 after her husband died because she had to prove they were married after 50 + years - the fact that they were both from England & got married on board a ship in Hudson's Bay was compounded by the fact the ship sank about 1 year later taking the log to the bottom! - make sure you know where all documents are - I MEAN THIS CLEARLY .... DO IT NOW!
Recently I had to prove my mother's information & by chance a few years ago, I had to get a new birth certificate [original was too old & law had changed to make it unusable] so I also got her marriage certificate & as much else as I could at same time .... so when this issue came up I had all the documentation I needed - resolved by gov't in less than 10 days!!! .. because I had those documents at hand
Laws change so that depending on juristriction that may mean those old papers may not be worth the paper they are printed on - THESE DOCUMENTS ARE ESSENTIAL TO PROBATE AN ESTATE!! without them add about 4 to 6 months extra while they are sorted out - then the executor gets a higher % of estate so they are in no hurry to get a swift resolution so have them on hand to make a quick finalization of estate - here they get % of initial estate until all is resolved ... so why should they hurry but if you produce those papers up front then they can't drag their feet too long
safes only he can get in. Although he has showed me where he keeps the key. Thank you again everyone. May the rest of your life be the best of your life!! Lovethem7
Here's another. " Dad, how do you want your funds distributed when you die?"
Start from the end--what is the result he'd like. Then, you work to find the least expensive and simplest route to that destination.
This would be such a mess if she hadn't put my name on all of them too.
Your dad needs to think about the mess when he passes. Does he intend to impoverish your Mom while she spends months getting through probate? Did that even occur to him? Does he like the idea of lawyers and the court getting some of that money instead of having all of it go to the person he intends to leave it to?
Maybe if he understands what happens when he passes, he might prefer to avoid lawyers?
Ahem. That's a little sarcasm, for those who are going to accuse me of being insensitive.
You really need for both parents to have the documents prepared that a good Elder Law attorney will recommend. The attorney may be able to reassure Dad that it won't compromise his ability to handle his own affairs, but will enhance that ability by letting him dictate exactly how his money will be used--even after he's gone.
Or......you could get your mom to divorce him, and she would get her half now !-)
How much money the gov't & executor will take their % of estate is the issue - best to explain to dad he has already paid taxes on his money but without a beneficiary then there will be extra taxes that he could avoid - does he want the gov't to get his hard earn money or his family to remember him as savvy by avoiding extra taxes, work etc
Have you ever considered that maybe he knows something you don't about her and how she handles money? If it turns out he's competent, I don't blame him for protecting his life savings, so would I! She probably doesn't need it near as bad as he does right now and he's the one who saved it and earned it so he's entitled to it because it is money, not hers if he's the one who saved all of this money himself. I don't know what he intends to do with this money when he goes, does he have a preneed set up with his funeral home of choice? Maybe he has intention to pay for his funeral? If this is the case, leave his money alone and let him pay for his funeral and other necessities. As you get older, you tend to need more money for more things such as medical needs for starters. It doesn't make sense to take his money away from him and give it to someone not entitled to it who didn't earn it, he probably worked his whole life to save what he has and right now he apparently needs it. There's nothing like financial stability, especially when you get older or if there's some kind of crisis at some point in your life. I personally would rather have the money and not need it rather than need it and not have it when something comes up and you need to cover some unexpected expense you didn't see coming. I don't blame him for being stubborn, especially if she happens to waste money and squander it away. Maybe she has some kind of nasty habit no one else knows about like maybe smoking or drinking. If not that, maybe she might be a shopaholic or maybe there's some other way she's mismanaging money and he just doesn't want to risk his life savings by turning it over to her. Women are particularly notorious for being shopaholics, just look at the shoe collections some of them have along with outfits and even handbags, and you wonder why the average household is always broke. Then of course you have those people out there who smoke and drink. Look at how expensive all three of these hobbies are and you'll see why people are so desperate they must resort to other measures to get more money. One thing I found out about those payday loan places is they prey on the poor. I found this out from a reliable resource quite a while back. They charge very high interest rates to keep you coming back and re-loaning because you're required to repay the loan all it wants whether or not you can afford it. That right there keeps customers coming back for more and borrowing more and more and more until they can't get out of debt. I'm sure your dad knows about all of what keeps the average household broke and he was determined to protect his money. I don't blame him for protecting himself, so would I. At his age when so many elders are being taken advantage of, I'm proud of him for keeping the bills paid and a roof over their heads in a world surrounded by homeless people constantly losing their homes for whatever reason.
This man should be honored for even making it to 95 because not everyone does. Moreover, he should also be honored for always keeping the bills paid in full on time each month. He's actually in the right to protect himself and his money, and it sounds like someone may be coercing him when he really doesn't want his wife being the beneficiary for reasons known to him and his wife. If he already said no and you persist, I hate to tell you, but that's coercion and it's illegal in all 50 states. If you already had this discussion and he already said no, leave it at that and leave it alone. Continuing to have this particular discussion after he already said no means you're crossing the line and it now becomes coercion. No is no and that's that. No is no, and no doesn't necessarily mean I'll say yes later. No is no, and no doesn't mean yes. No is no, and no doesn't mean go behind my back and overturn my arrangements or steal from me. No is no, and no doesn't mean pressure me until I get in, so back off! Anyone who's saved their whole lives to get where he is now deserves the most support in protecting a life savings and their wishes should be honored and protected, especially if they save a considerable amount of money over their whole life, good for him! It's his until he dies and he may have some bills you may not know about and those bills will probably need to be covered sometime.
Does he perhaps have a will? Make sure he doesn't die intestate, meaning no will. He really needs a will now more than ever and the first thing the state will look for his next of kin starting with surviving spouse then children and so on. I've been studying about when someone dies intestate and they go looking for relatives. There are so many levels of relatives that are sought before the state final he is allowed to take possession of what's left behind. This actually helps to make sure someone somewhere gets what's left behind because the state probably doesn't really want to have to take possession of it in case someone does come forward or if someone is found. I don't know how they look for survivors, especially those in hiding protecting their identities after being involved in a serious situation where a crime was committed against them. I don't know how they find these particular people unless they must breach certain privacy laws and access certain information that's normally supposed to be strictly confidential. I just don't know how they would find certain hard to find people otherwise, but in this particular case in the here and now, the state will be able to very easily find survivors who are the closest to the deceased.
While this person is living, he has every right to be financially stable and provide for whatever it is he needs.
I don't know if his wife has her own income, she should. If her arrival to survive on, perhaps he could be nice and give her some money to get by on and help keep her needs met. Meanwhile, perhaps she can get a part-time job or maybe even sell stuff on eBay for extra money. Bake sales are also good money makers. Sometimes though, selling stuff on eBay might not lend you any sellers if you don't have what customers are looking for, so find out what customers are looking for and make sure you have the right price on your products.
It's one thing to provide what your family needs, another to let them walk all over you and take advantage of you especially in your old age and especially more so if you have lots of money. I don't know how anyone even found out this man had a substantial amount of money, shame on anyone who snooped and found out, and shame on him for blabbing about what he had. Anytime you have considerable money, you are an easy target and people will come flying out of the cracks with their hands out. Some people will claim to be relatives when really they're not, others will go to great lengths to get there greedy hands on that wealth they're not entitled to. Finally, I'd rather see elders be stubbornly protective with their money rather than to see them lose their minds to the point they get taken advantage of. Good for this particular elder, good for him and congrats on his savings! Finally, I'd rather see elders be stubbornly protective with their money rather than to see them lose their minds to the point they get taken advantage of. Good for this particular elder, good for him and congrats on his savings!
One thing I should point out is the possibility that maybe he already has plans to leave it to someone else, and he may already have some things in line for all we know. However, he may want to consider leaving her something so she's not financially hardshipped through all of this. I don't blame him for not wanting to add her name on any of his accounts that he had before marriage, neither would I because all it takes is one time for someone to clean out the joint bank account and take off with all of your money and where does that leave you? Exactly! Good for him for protecting himself when so many his age can't protect themselves. Good for him! I think she should actually be glad he even married her in the first place, he didn't have to when he could've easily said no. Sometimes when you get financially stable, you might not even want to get married or put anyone on your bank account, especially when so many people are wasteful and what squander away your life savings. I think he also seems to know how to protect his money against becoming community property as it does in some states, and one of those ways is to send your money out of state where it's better protected, and maybe even overseas. He doesn't want to make her the beneficiary for some legitimate reason he knows about because apparently there's some reason he made this decision. If she happens to not know how to manage money very well, this may actually be exactly why he always paid the bills himself to make sure everything was covered and there were no outstanding debts anywhere. Had I been him, I would've done the same thing. I would've also paid the bills and made sure they were only in my name so I'm responsible for making sure everything is paid in full on time each month. There's nothing worse than having outstanding bills and not having the money to cover them, especially if you happen to have someone living with you who miss manage his money and spends your household broke. Apparently there something you don't know about which is why he made this decision if he happens to be of sound mind and it sounds like he is. At least we know who's financially responsible here, good for him! If I saw him face to face, I'd say keep it up, keep up the good work. If you ever wonder why some people who are financially stable don't necessarily want to be married for certain specific reasons, I can't say that I really blame them, especially where in some states all of your property becomes community property. This man sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders, it sounds to me like he's very smart. It also sounds to me like he must've done very good in school, at least where math and money was involved. He probably learned how to be a good saver
The bank VP told Dad that he needed to add me to all the accounts in case of emergency so the money could be reached if I had to purchase anything for him. (like a nursing home)
He only turned to me and asked what would I do with the monies if he died? I said, just like in your will, it will all be divided equally. He signed the paperwork and for 7 years I was on all his accounts until the day he passed. (I did not discuss his finances with anyone.)
I was already named Executrix by my mother and I did keep him out of a NH. A year after he died, at probate, I learned that legally, everything was mine.
Everything was divided equally between us siblings.
I have to admit, I wondered if he was hiding something. Then it dawned on me that perhaps his background/knowledge is such that he does not have a clear understanding of the limited effect of assigning a beneficiary.
I would want to be really clear that I inderstood his reasoning. So ask him what would change if mom was assigned as beneficiary. Listen carefully, keep an open mind. If he says "it is my account.". Say "yes it is, and it still will be yours and only yours with no one else having access. But should you pass away they will know who is to inherit it. For your life time everything about the account remains as it always has been."
He would have to come up with a really good reason for not doing it for me to stop exploring and explaining that this is what a responsible husband does; ensures his wife's security should he no longer be able to do so himself.
Does he have a will? Does your mother have a will? Has she seen his will?
Sometimes we need to use what are called therapeutic fibs to get our elders to do something which is in their best interest. For me, it was getting my parents [also in their 90's] to update their Wills, which were older than dirt. What I said was their Will was so out-of-date that the State would get half of everything. Dad's ears perked up, and he immediately had his and my Mom's Will updated, plus updating their Power of Attorneys to include two names instead of just one, plus other legal documents.
You can do that with your Dad, tell him without a beneficiary on his bank accounts, the State will get half the money. Yes, it's a fib, hopefully it will work.
Hope your parents have Power of Attorneys drawn up, so in case Dad is no longer able to handle paying bills, etc. then the financial POA can step in. Oh, my parents also had banks accounts spread over a lot of banks... guess there must have been free toasters and waffle makers if you opened a new account :P