I never feel I am doing a good job....like I am way more aware of areas where I feel I could have or should have done better. I am always aware of something I should have done but didn't or that I should have been more aware of. This extends to taking care of the house as well as the dog. I see where I should be better at ......whatever. If I am paying more attention to mom, the house-care and dog suffer. If I pay more detailed attention to the house-care, seems mom suffers.....at least in my mind. I feel I am neglecting her if I pay too much attention to taking care of the house. How do you come to terms with this in a way you can relax and be ok?
My point is, long term caregiving, even in a situation as caregiver-friendly as mine and my wife's, the activity takes its toll in a sort of brown out if not a burn out...
In nice weather I ride motorcycles for relaxation and it sort of gives me a "fix".
BTW, my house interior is a fright....It is more clutter than dirtiness.....
I think your problem will be lessened considerably if you get some outside help so that you can have some regular time of your own...
(It is not lost on me that I could lessen my lethargy by taking action, but I am not going to beat myself up over the issue).
1. how we "always" have been and
2. coping with a new stress.
In my case, I have "always" been a problem solver--an instantaneous problem solver. I want problems fixed, and fixed for good, immediately.
So, how am I coping with the new stress? With barely concealed frustration. I can't "solve" my mother's memory loss, I can't stop her from saying the same things 12 times in a row, I can't stop her from asking questions non-stop, etc.
In my case, I need to really address both of these issues. I have to be more accepting of the fact that I can't solve the problems, and then employ strategies to deal with the specific stress. Generally, a great strategy, that I am able to employ, is to keep my visits to the AL frequent and SHORT. Not more than an hour. That way I am not pushed past my limit. Specifically, I use the techniques of ignore and re-direct. I also try to "get on board" with what my mom is saying. Let her know that she is right about this or that. That makes her feel like we are on the same page and she love sit.
I keep telling my parents that when the time come that they need help with daily routines in their home [they still live on their own], that they would need to hire someone who is certified to do the job. Someone who knows how to do CPR, how to do blood pressure readings, how to listen to their heart for any issues.... someone who has the strength to pick them up correctly should they fall... etc.
And as Samara had said above, tend to your own doctor appointments first... that is where I had failed for myself, I ignored my own health needs and now I am paying for the delays health wise. My parents don't like hearing *no* whenever they ask me to help them with something, I have no choice.
There is only one of you and there are only 24 hours in the day. You cannot be everywhere and do everything. Try this: every time you beat yourself for not doing one thing, you have to give yourself credit for doing one other thing. No, it doesn't stop me feeling like I've failed miserably either; but at least you're forced to acknowledge that you haven't been lounging on the chaise longue eating chocolates and painting your nails all day.
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