I've been doing this for 2 years. My aunt and a family friend had invited my mom to stay with them for a total of 8 days - 3 with the friend, 5 with my aunt, who is visiting the area to work on a house she owns here. My grandfather was admitted to the hospital for divurticulitis this past weekend. But they still said, sure your mom can still come stay with us. We'll take care of her. Not a problem.
And I REALLY need this break. My husband and I are at each other's throats from stress. Mom needs a break from us.
But now aunt and friend are overwhelmed by everything going on in their lives. My grandfather, who isn't getting better, planned removations, etc.
I can't enjoy this break - and I can't bring myself to tell them I'll come get Mom. I want to tell them welcome to my world, where I am overwhelmed every week. I am so angry! I never ask for help and then here I go and accept it and all hell breaks loose!
You and your husband need a vacation from caregiving. Don't call or respond to their emails. If something critical happens, they can take mom to the clinic or to the ER. If your husband is willing to check the email/text to ensure your mom is not in a life-threatening situation, then it's not a Need-to-Know information. Also, I have a feeling that this will be Your Last Vacation in a looooong time. Your family will know better than to offer to watch your mom. So, Enjoy Your Time Off!!!!!
Thank them generously and sincerely (flowers go down well). Other than that, you know the rule: never apologise, never explain. Now they know what you're coping with. It will have done them a POWER of good.
My brother and his wife are 90% sure they are coming back for a visit (live in Europe) in August. He hasn't seen mom in three years. They will stay at our house while we escape for our first vacation in five years. He thinks she sounds 'normal' over the phone. Boy oh boy, is he going to get an eye-opener and I won't feel one, teeny-tiny, twinge of guilt.
I told my mom of our plans today and she just blanked over. Won't even talk about it. I just let it go. I'm sure she's fretting already as she has me 'trained' to all her odd and unreasonable requests she should be relying on staff to do. It's going to be an interesting time for the three of them. Hubby, son and I will be faaaaar away enjoying a long-deserved break. I like the idea of having my husband check the e-mail as a firewall. That's excellent!
I wouldnt mention it again to your mum until nearer the time as she will fret.
We have to use all our guile when its comes to getting a break my sister thinks mums fine? Lets see after 12days with her how "normal" she is but then mum always puts on an act also mums going to paris so its a bit of excitement for her so her moods will be different its awful to say but i hope my sister has some serious drama with her so she can see that mums not normal.
I really hope you get to take your holiday next time your bro calls "mums fine and looking forward to seeing him".
Us caregivers have to be as crafty as a fox when planning our "escape".
He and SIL will give us a break in Minnesota, and then travel to LA for my niece's wedding. I'm bummed about not being able to be at her wedding. She was the most darling flower girl at my wedding. I love her so much. My mom probably doesn't give a s#it as it detracts from her.
We can't afford it anyway. I'll be praying about it. God still gives us good things. It will all work out somehow.
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