I've been doing this for 2 years. My aunt and a family friend had invited my mom to stay with them for a total of 8 days - 3 with the friend, 5 with my aunt, who is visiting the area to work on a house she owns here. My grandfather was admitted to the hospital for divurticulitis this past weekend. But they still said, sure your mom can still come stay with us. We'll take care of her. Not a problem.
And I REALLY need this break. My husband and I are at each other's throats from stress. Mom needs a break from us.
But now aunt and friend are overwhelmed by everything going on in their lives. My grandfather, who isn't getting better, planned removations, etc.
I can't enjoy this break - and I can't bring myself to tell them I'll come get Mom. I want to tell them welcome to my world, where I am overwhelmed every week. I am so angry! I never ask for help and then here I go and accept it and all hell breaks loose!
Yes its the illness BUT gosh its so frustrating the biggest shocker for me now is mum was NEVER a selfish woman she had always a good heart and would do anything for anyone now its me me me me me me me! So hard to watch.
WT enjoy your holiday i wish i was going somewhere exciting but i will one day i want to go to Argentina and tango with a "hotman". Im looking at brochures we can always look and plan?
You should be at that wedding can your mum not go into respite or is that not possible? So sad the things you have to miss out on so unfair.
I bumped into my sisters friend yesterday she was asking how things were with mum i just say "OK" whats the point ranting to people who couldnt possibly understand. I asked about her parents? "oh great yeh,no health problems yet but we will have a family rota when the time comes". ROTA my a** oh they have no idea whats ahead its all talk until the reality happens. But then her parents are fairly healthy why not they had plenty of money and "GOLF".
Im not an envious person but am now jealous of people with "healthy" parents!!
He and SIL will give us a break in Minnesota, and then travel to LA for my niece's wedding. I'm bummed about not being able to be at her wedding. She was the most darling flower girl at my wedding. I love her so much. My mom probably doesn't give a s#it as it detracts from her.
We can't afford it anyway. I'll be praying about it. God still gives us good things. It will all work out somehow.
I wouldnt mention it again to your mum until nearer the time as she will fret.
We have to use all our guile when its comes to getting a break my sister thinks mums fine? Lets see after 12days with her how "normal" she is but then mum always puts on an act also mums going to paris so its a bit of excitement for her so her moods will be different its awful to say but i hope my sister has some serious drama with her so she can see that mums not normal.
I really hope you get to take your holiday next time your bro calls "mums fine and looking forward to seeing him".
Us caregivers have to be as crafty as a fox when planning our "escape".
My brother and his wife are 90% sure they are coming back for a visit (live in Europe) in August. He hasn't seen mom in three years. They will stay at our house while we escape for our first vacation in five years. He thinks she sounds 'normal' over the phone. Boy oh boy, is he going to get an eye-opener and I won't feel one, teeny-tiny, twinge of guilt.
I told my mom of our plans today and she just blanked over. Won't even talk about it. I just let it go. I'm sure she's fretting already as she has me 'trained' to all her odd and unreasonable requests she should be relying on staff to do. It's going to be an interesting time for the three of them. Hubby, son and I will be faaaaar away enjoying a long-deserved break. I like the idea of having my husband check the e-mail as a firewall. That's excellent!
She was always in good health then just last week she got up and lost the use of her legs just like that?
she has to go to a NH now and hes devasted? she was a right old boot now a horrible person and wouldnt let him have any life we tried to tell him to have a break but he wouldnt have it.
He says he dosnt know what to do now that shes not living with her anymore poor guy is only 36yrs is this co-dependent?
I know its hard when they have to go to a NH but youd think hed be relieved she is safer and has professional help?
I guess this is the other side of the coin? sad though.
Thank them generously and sincerely (flowers go down well). Other than that, you know the rule: never apologise, never explain. Now they know what you're coping with. It will have done them a POWER of good.
If you need a break when youre in this game you grab it with both hands and dont give it up for any reason ignore them have youre break and try and enjoy it think of how much you deserve this.
My sister is taking mum in April for 12 days!!!!! I want her to be "overwhlemed" i want her on crack cocaine by the time shes done i want her to see just how hard this is and kiss my feet when shes next home.
Be strong and they will begin to appreciate you the more they have her MY AUNT hasnt been in touch since mums diagnosis???????????????????? go figure!
I wonder if the waltons would have behaved like this! now theres a TV show a reality type TV show when its not all sugar coated and sickly sweet!
And now she's telling me how hard the week was and saying I should tell her what happened, like why I suddenly needed a break. I didn't ASK her to do any of this. She volunteered for all that she did.
It is so very hard to ask family for help with Mom. Maybe that is what I am supposed to learn during all this. Yes I called her crying and upset and said we needed a change and a break. But I never dreamed it would happen immediately. And now she acts like I owe her or something.
I want to thank her - and have said thank you many times. But I feel like she is being pushy.
You and your husband need a vacation from caregiving. Don't call or respond to their emails. If something critical happens, they can take mom to the clinic or to the ER. If your husband is willing to check the email/text to ensure your mom is not in a life-threatening situation, then it's not a Need-to-Know information. Also, I have a feeling that this will be Your Last Vacation in a looooong time. Your family will know better than to offer to watch your mom. So, Enjoy Your Time Off!!!!!