My father passed away almost 3 months ago. But I'm still so angry. Angry at the sibling for not helping more. Angry at myself for not being patient enough and doing more to save my dad. Angry at my grandmother who is still alive but my dad is dead. I know it doesn't make sense. I want so badly to turn back the clock and continue caring for my dad. People around me act like I should be relieved that I no longer have to care or be responsible for my dad's care. It was 24/7 for three years and I was getting burned out, but I never wanted him to die. I want to be rational. But the more I think about it, the more angry I get about the doctors, the nurses, just everyone. I wish I knew how to move past this stage of grief.
Just give it time..........come on here and vent to your heart's content. Put your energy to better use. There are grief support groups out there. They say anger is one of the stages of grief. Do you have supportive people in your life who would understand? 3 months is not a long time. Give yourself a moment.............
I am making sure she is not in pain and getting her medical care now that things are critical. On her own, she always made bad choices but I could not force her to do anything. Many people questioned me over the years about why I didn't take care of this or that concerning her health. She flat out refused and made me out to be the bad guy because I couldn't figure out a way to 'make' her go to a doctor.
Know you did your best and let go of the guilt. Some parents are just too stubborn to their own detriment.
The whys and wherefores are different for all of us. My mom refused to pursue a diagnosis for her progressive loss of balance, dexterity and strength. Hostilely refused.
Mom's version of I'M FINE, I'M FINE was falling constantly in a house full of steps.... reducing her diet to yogurt, sandwiches and microwave foods.... freezing out all of her friends (and freezing out their concern about her self-neglect).... hoarding.... enlisting neighbors to help her out of jams and swearing them to secrecy.... enlisting one other relative or me to help with correspondence, bill-paying, a chore of her choosing -- then brusquely dismissing us, because we were witnessing too much of her unsafe "independence."
Mom had top-notch health insurance, a long-term care policy, 3 paid-off homes and a robust IRA portfolio. And she lived like the Little Matchstick Girl. It drove me insane.
People who knew that mom was financially secure would constanly ask me, "Why doesn't SHE do this-that-the other?" People who believed my mother's poor-mouthing would constantly ask me, "Why don't YOU do this-that-the other?"
Not one person was perceptive enough to say, "It really sukks that your mom's refusal to get a diagnosis means that you are denied 50% of your parental health history."
I could go on. Settling mom's estate is taking a heck of a long time. The old memories trigger and the frustrations recycle. There's sadness mixed in, too, naturally. Sometimes I just want to crawl out of my skin.
I also know what you mean about not trusting. I went to a support group before my Mom even started to decline cause I knew that I would need to learn some coping skills. In the end, I chose to start taking a mild, (very mild) antidepressant which got me over the hump so to speak. Whatever works for you. Find another counselor if you can. Keep looking until you find the right one. Come on here. Private message me anytime you like.
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