He cannot walk, stand, bathe himself, or go to the bathroom. My elderly mother and I together used to be able to lift him onto a commode, but he has deteriorated so much we can't do that anymore because he's just dead weight now. Because he's 300 lbs and we are no longer able to lift him, he just sits in his own feces in a chair because we are unable to clean him properly. My mother and I are both injured from trying to move/lift him, she's had to go back to using a cane.
He's only 60 but I fear he's beginning to lose his mind. He's become verbally abusive, paranoid, has multiple phobias, severe anxiety, and rage issues he is untreated for. He is totally dead set against going to a rehab facility/home even if he's hurting us. I'm really disappointed in how selfish he's being. If i wear doing this to my family, I'd go in a heartbeat. Anyway, do we have any options to force him?
Good luck to you. I hope you find what you need. You and your mom can't exist at the whims of a person who can't ambulate and participate in his own care.
How about saying "Dad, mom and I are not able to care of you. We've tried our best and suffered in the process. You need to go to rehabilitation so you can get stronger and help us care for you. You can refuse to do that, but if you do, we have made plans to move out. We'll call adult protective services once we're gone and you and they can determine how you can continue to live in the house alone." Then, leave the room.
Actually make plans, with a relative or to a hotel (if finances allow). It will help you to stand your ground to know that you do really have options and he isn't the king, he's only behaving like one.
I am constantly telling my ex husband and sister that they really need to lose weight for many reasons, but I dealt with my father as he became worse and I just thank God that he was thin enough and strong enough for us to help him around and get him to the bathroom to prevent this situation. It was a real learning experience for me.
Do not feel guilt over what you are doing, this is medically necessary. Your father will form "bedsores" and other infirmities if left as he is. You and your mother are not doing yourselves any favors by hurting yourself to try and move a man too large to move. If you hurt yourself, who will help your Mom, you still have the rest of your life to live, do not do this to yourself.
When my father died several years ago my mother thought I should be able to take over all his jobs and duties he performed around the house because they were always, "Do It Yourself" fixers. I have hurt myself numerous times and now have very bad back problems along with arthritis. Last year, my mother told me to re-roof the workshop and assured me I could do it. I laughed and said, "Not on your life will I attempt that. I am not a man, nor can I lift that stuff nor do I want to!" She was very angry, but so was I, I have a 20 year old daughter and hopefully at least 20 more years of life. I am no longer going to jeopardize my health and wellness for something so stupid and listen to a woman with dementia.
YOU AND MOM NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES, IF YOU DON'T NO ONE ELSE WILL!
God Bless you all on this journey.
At least they'll have lifts there so he can be moved without destroying people's backs in the process.
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