My boyfriend moved in with his grandpa last year to take care of him. We all thought it may be a temporary situation as it was 3 hours away. His grandfather is 92 and is wheelchair bound. We have tried to make the best of the situation and I drive there most weekends to be with him. However my boyfriend would like to come home once in awhile with his grandfather but he refuses to go which forces my boyfriend to be stuck as he cannot leave his grandpa alone. This is hard for us as i have responsibilities where i can't always leave to go three hours away. Caregivers are hard to find in his small town and if available are costly. I think that my boyfriend should force the issue but he does not. What are others thoughts?
Yes you are young and entitled to a life, are there no other relatives that can take their turn in the responsibility of seeing to grandpa. OR is there a way that you could buddy up with someone else and your b/f 'babysit their elder, and they then care for g/pa the following week/month. It is important for you all to have a break. I hope someone has an answer for you
You cannot FORCE the grandfather to go out.
I commend BF and you for making the best of the situation. It is a generous and loving thing he has been doing for a year. For anybody to expect him to continue doing this indefinitely is not realistic. If GF cannot be left alone at all, then there needs to be some additional in-home help, at the very least. And at some point it may be necessary and/or best for GF to be where there is professional care available around the clock. I know that small towns often lack the resources of a large city, but there are still options available.
Please let us know if you are in US and other details about the situation. We'd like to offer more specific suggestions.
Kudos to your bf whatever his age, but the problem still exists. I always suggest checking care for caregivers. There are a wealth of potential caregivers all the way from live in to part time. Even in the small town, there's still the possibility they there will be just the right person. We LOVE our caregiver that we got. I could not find anybody except through agencies and they were EXPENSIVE and unsatisfactory. Give it a shot.
If you can't find anybody through them, check the local churches. Many have outreach programs and would be happy to have the opportunity to "witness" by helping out a family in need.
What VA help has he applied for? Has he applied for/would he be eligible for Medicaid? If Grandpa has $5,000 a month he should use it for a care center. If he doesn't he should apply for Medicaid.
Your BF probably cannot force GP into a care center, but BF can certainly make his own decisions. He can decide that a year is all he can offer and that he is going to return to you. And once he makes this decision, then GP will have some tough reality to face.
BF's tough reality is he must choose between building and nurturing the relationship he has with you and continuing to take sole care of grandpa. You or Grandpa. Tough choices.
It is possible, of course, to combine the two. BF moves back with you and moves GP into a care center near you, so he is able to visit and advocate for the old guy. Sounds like a good solution to me, but if GP won't cooperate, tough choices must be made. (And why should GP be in any frame of mind to cooperate, when he has what he wants now?)
I was dealing with a similar situation with my grandmother. What my husband and I decided to do was, tell her that the were coming to fumigate the house and that we all had to get out, we explained it was only for an hour and then we'll come right back. Although she gets very hesitant at first she goes with it. Once outside we'll walk around, or even take her for ice cream or a meal. It might sound silly and I know it can become overwhelming but it might just work like it did for us. I'm 24 and my husband 25 we've been caring for my grandmother (89) for 8 months so I know how difficult it can be.
Stay strong and, hope this helps.: )