My cousin does not know about my sisters and my relation strains with our elderly mother, aged 90. I do not care to share with her about how awful my mom really is. She was very verbally abusive and quite narcissistic in behavior. She can come off as sweet as pie to others but my sisters and I know the real mama. Because of this relationship as well as personally circumstances such as work, money , or downsized living , none of us can take her in. My mother can more than afford assisted living and I spent hours looking for a really nice place that I would consider living in myself. My cousin has always kept in touch with my mom , including visits . She loves my mom . She has no clue what my mom says about her behind her back . Recently my cousin has taken to posting passive aggressive post about the honor of caregiving, about treasuring your parents while you have them -, accompanied by tear jerker photos 🙄- you get the picture. I’ve tried PMing her to explain the situation but the posts continue. I thought I secretly took an online Facebook break from her but she noticed immediately and contacted me about it. I had to say oops , I must have accidentally deleted you 🤣. I’ve been ignoring them ( no likes, no comments ). Any ideas to stop it or should I just move forward and ignore it? thanks.
As far as social media like Facebook is concerned, have confidence in who you are in Christ and then ignore their insults.
My best advise is to ignore it.
I too have a very narcissistic mother. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I have come to learn that NO ONE, and I mean absolutely no one, understands what it is like to have a narcissistic mother unless they've been there. I am caregiver to mine and have been for several years. It's been a horrible experience. My sister, unfortunately, is just now realizing how bad mom really is. My sister being the Golden Child. I have sought so much counseling and have come to accept that it's best not to try to convince anyone of her sickness. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental, maybe chemical imbalance and physical issue. Narcissists are unable to feel empathy, also have an inability to bond. Try researching Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, you may be surprised as to how many of us suffer in silence. You'll find a lot of validation and understanding. I have driven myself nuts trying to explain to close friends and even boyfriends why I have hated her and now just feel sorry for her. My sister won't step up to help care for mom other than 2 night visits every 6 weeks. My mother also used up all of her money, so now we can't afford assisted living for her. I had started caring for her when I was unaware of NPD and now not being able to work because of caring for her and a 2 year bout with severe debilitating depression, I can't afford to move.
I hope I can give you a glimmer of hope and that is that the disorder has dissipated the older she gets and the worse her dementia is. She is 96 now. She's a very happy person and the dementia isn't as difficult to deal with as when she was in full NPD mode, gaslighting me and her passive aggressiveness.
Anyway, like I said, it's less crazy-making to just ignore her. There is no convincing anyone else that's unaware of the subtle abuse that slowly debilitates a daughter. Most people believe that "A mother always loves her child", and it's just not the case. People with NPD are sadly incapable of unconditional love, there's a glitch in them somewhere.
Take care, my heart goes out to you.
The ones who prattle on about what a blessing it is, likely NEVER cared for their lost parent and have no clue what all we go through. And although I adore my mom and always had a very close relationship with her...this has messed with me physically and I need surgery on my neck but cant do it until she no longer needs me because I wont be able to change her undergarments and give her bedbaths for at least a month...so I suffer chronic pain and dizziness.
I would just snooze the cousin...and ignore her otherwise.
Keep in mind that she'll still be posting them. Others in the family see the posts and she's probably told more than one person she posts to get your attention. Instead of blocking, why not just add a comment to her post - 'Agreed' Let her think about that a while.
Your mom is in assisted living and being taken care of - she saved her money for old age and she's using it for that very thing. You aren't in a position to handle the caregiving, she can afford it, so no guilt. PLUS if you go visit her, it's all visit. No working your butt off and not really getting to visit.