How is your health affected by sibling(s) that won't help you with parents' caregiving?

I cared for my mom for the last three years of her life, moving into her home, giving up a good job in another state, and selling my own home in order to let Mom age-in-place instead of a facility.

I got ZERO help from my 5 siblings. They all shunned me once Mom had passed, and I will NEVER speak to any of them again. The oldest sibling sexually assaulted myself and my little sister when we were just little girls. The other siblings have NO IDEA that the patriarch of what's left of the family is a child molester who cared only about discrediting me just in case I decided to tell his secret that I had kept for 50 years.

If I had had a weapon when Mom died, I would have shot this pedophile and happily spent the remainder of my life in a jail cell.

Caretaking brings out the WORST in dysfunctional families. I'm done with all of them.

I'm the youngest of 4 boys (current ages: 68,64,54 and I'm 49). I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was 22 and over the years developed hypertension, hypothyroidism, and depression. Diabetes is a 24/7 disease and after caring for my Mom for the last 10-12 years, my blood sugars have been all over the place. My brothers are, in a word, useless. My oldest brother was married to 2 women and my my Mom reported him so he hasn't talked to her for the past 40 years, the next one owned a house with her and when she asked him to buy her out (so she could use the money to live off of) he said he couldn't afford to and had to sell. He got mad at her because he had to sell and hasn't talked to her for the past 15 years. My other brother forged my name on mortgage papers and my Mom kicked him out of a house deal and he hasn't talked to her in 25 years. Her dientia/Alzheimer's is having an adverse effect on my health and I'm afraid after she goes, I'll be left with having to deal with a bunch of complications from diabetes.

My sister lives about 5 miles from my mom and I. She goes to the bar everyday that is just a block away from us. But she never comes over to help out. I'm very angry at her she's the oldest and when I have asked her to help out in the past she just says that I wanted to take care of mom, no I had no choice in the matter. When my mom is gone I have no plans on seeing my sister ever again :( But there is a silver lining as far as I'm concerned I'm getting ready to go see my daughter graduate college in a couple of weeks out of state and guess who is coming to take care of mom. Oh and my 7 small dogs that live with us and I haven't even told my sister about the puppies we just had :) There is a god up there :)

Since I have been reading the posts here it seems like we all seem to have problems with siblings not wanting to help. I have lived through this problem and still don't understand why the other siblings do this after all it is their parents to. We had problems when my father in-law passed away, the other siblings were there tearing their mothers pictures off of the walls looking for money and this was before the funeral was even planned. The 2 other siblings I believe have the idea just because their mom is not living outside of the home she is not much work. They have no idea of the amount of work it involves or do not want to accept their mom is getting closer to not being around. All the caregiver can do is provide the best possible care they can and enjoy the time they have with their love ones.

How would your sister know if you were exaggerating? She is mot there nor is she a caregiver. So sorry for you and others who are having a hard time. Good luck.

Sometimes I wonder if siblings are in a state of blissful ignorance and most of all denial. I am torn because I have tried to share everything with my sis, but she would get angry that she was too busy. If I don't share, she's angry that I am taking over. I've even tried a family Web site (private), but she doesn't have time. Doesn't have time to hit "Reply" and say "Thanks" or "Got It." I have driven over 500 miles each way to her home to help her remodel, to take care of her after surgeries, and am supportive of her every time she calls in crisis. I have recently realized that she suffers from BPD (as the victim not the originator but it's the only personality she knows). I am learning to accept this, change my behavior (because my anger just drives a deeper wedge and hurts her). I find myself just hoping that a new way of thinking will enter her mind. But I get exhausted and frustrated, and I'm really only a financial DPOA. We have blessed caregivers with Dad, but honestly, there are still at least five calls a day. My sister thinks I am an exaggerator when I tell her managing Dad is a full time job. Those of you who do everything -- I am in awe of you. You need help. It seems most of you know to reach out far and wide to get whatever help you can. So all I can try to share positively tonight is that I hear you and feel you and wish I could help.

It's not that they refuse, for me, my sisters are a thousand miles away. In the case of my MIL, her daughter is 40 miles away, BUT not capable of handling even the smallest crisis. She just goes blank and cannot function. We just don't call her until things have been sorted out. Fortunately MIL has two sons that can maintain composure and not go hysterical.

I am one of 13 sibling, 8 are step siblings, I am the ONLY one to step up and help my parents in their older years and failing health, it has been this way for the past 12 years! I must admit, I am full of anger at the others for being s heartless and uncaring ,I however, will never look back with regret. I would paint the sky for my parents and they are worth ever minute that I am able to be with them, they have given me a wonderful 53 years life, this is the least that I could do for the people who have taught me so much!! The others will have to live with their own choices!!

I can't believe that I just came to view posts on here and this topic came up! For almost three years now my siblings decided to excommunicate themselves from me, for reasons still unknown to me, right after our father died. When our mother died in 2005, I volunteered to take care of dad and move him cross country to my new house in Arizona. At the time, I was the only one out of six kids that didn't have small children and a job yet here in Arizona. I thought that it was the most perfect solution to our family's problem and to be honest, we all thought that he would probably pass within the year because of his devotion to my mother. This did not happen and my father lived to be 92 and then finally rested at the end of the year, 2011. Dad had lots of medical issues during that seven years (Heart Attack, his second full Hip Replacement, Prostate Cancer that caused chronic Hematuria, Dementia and countless trips to the hospital and Dr's offices). Needless to say, I was exhausted! My five other siblings did very little to help relieve my anxiety, frustrations or fatigue. I became a nervous wreck due to constant attention to my father's needs. I got very little sound sleep because of a monitor next to my bed to be able to hear him during the night. My sibs rarely flew over to AZ. to offer help or to relieve me for any length of time. I had built up, over those years, sooo much resentment towards them. I was too afraid to express that to them because I was in constant fear of blowing up. I never knew just how strong I could be taking care of him. My dad passed on in September of 2011. And since my father's funeral, my siblings will not talk to me anymore for various reasons that I still don't understand. I think of them everyday, even cry myself to sleep still. I really miss them and the closeness that we once had, they were my friends as well. My oldest brother also died in a freak accident in 2012. Wouldn't you think that we would all come together, then?! I sent them several invites to talk about their grievances but with no reply! It's crazy! I like to believe that they are embarrassed, ashamed and regretful of their lack of involvement with care to dad or to me. I also want to believe that I took great care of dad and now he is divinely taking care of me and excluding me from crazy family dramas. I do sleep better at night but I'm still a home body and sometimes find it hard to find things outside of the house that are fun to do.I just think that it is too sad that families break apart when loved ones die. It should be a time when all come together to hold each other up. Take care of yourselves, ...always.

I can't believe that I just came to view posts on here and this topic came up! For almost three years now my siblings decided to excommunicate themselves from me, for reasons still unknown to me, right after our father died. When our mother died in 2005, I volunteered to take care of dad and move him cross country to my new house in Arizona. At the time, I was the only one out of six kids that didn't have small children and a job yet here in Arizona. I thought that it was the most perfect solution to our family's problem and to be honest, we all thought that he would probably pass within the year because of his devotion to my mother. This did not happen and my father lived to be 92 and then finally rested at the end of the year, 2011. Dad had lots of medical issues during that seven years (Heart Attack, his second full Hip Replacement, Prostate Cancer that caused chronic Hematuria, Dementia and countless trips to the hospital and Dr's offices). Needless to say, I was exhausted! My five other siblings did very little to help relieve my anxiety, frustrations or fatigue. I became a nervous wreck due to constant attention to my father's needs. I got very little sound sleep because of a monitor next to my bed to be able to hear him during the night. My sibs rarely flew over to AZ. to offer help or to relieve me for any length of time. I had built up, over those years, sooo much resentment towards them. I was too afraid to express that to them because I was in constant fear of blowing up. I never knew just how strong I could be taking care of him. My dad passed on in September of 2011. And since my father's funeral, my siblings will not talk to me anymore for various reasons that I still don't understand. I think of them everyday, even cry myself to sleep still. I really miss them and the closeness that we once had, they were my friends as well. My oldest brother also died in a freak accident in 2012. Wouldn't you think that we would all come together, then?! I sent them several invites to talk about their grievances but with no reply! It's crazy! I like to believe that they are embarrassed, ashamed and regretful of their lack of involvement with care to dad or to me. I also want to believe that I took great care of dad and now he is divinely taking care of me and excluding me from crazy family dramas. I do sleep better at night but I'm still a home body and sometimes find it hard to find things outside of the house that are fun to do.I just think that it is too sad that families break apart when loved ones die. It should be a time when all come together to hold each other up. Take care of yourselves, ...always.

My wife now has heart problems, is also dietetic, and stressed out to the point that nothing makes her happy. She has been caring for her parents all of her life and at one time her and our child lived 2 1/2 hours away and we only seen each other on the weekend. We have spent the majority of our retirement trying to keep her mom happy, but as I said earlier still no help with mom so we can just get away for the evening.

My brother never really moved out of my parents' house, lived there with my mom for 25 years rent free. she cooked for him and did his laundry. When she started to decline, he freaked out and made it all about him. We finally convinced him to move out for his own mental health, but he still had to check on her daily as she wouldn't make her meals and couldn't be trusted to take her meds. His resentment grew. Finally I get everyone to agree assisted living is the best option, made my mom cry too many times. Now she feels safe and secure and has friends and is more social and stabilized. The day we started moving her things in she was happy and chatting with people. We come home, and she's in good spirits until my brother walks in the door. He didn't even speak and her demeanor totally changed. She shut down. Wouldn't talk - wouldn't look him in the eye, and went up to her room. I know what you are all thinking - he was abusing her, at least verbally. Now that she is in assisted living he won't even call her. I am completely fine with that - he knows if he treats her the way he did when she was at home the staff will kick his butt out and call me. I know she never would have agreed to the move earlier than she did, but I am sad that she had to go through that. She never asks about him, so she doesn't miss his abuse either. But it makes it very hard to be civil to anyone that would hurt my mom, esp. her own son!

I am one of 6 children. I have a husband who suffers from a brain tumor, bi-polar disease & Solvent Dementia. I have had my 2 daughters die in the past few years & not one of my siblings even contacted me but for a sister-in-law that told me, "...your brother has his own problems to deal with." That was the support I was given when my daughter's died.
When my dad died, being the medical person in the family, it was mine to oversee & so I did. That was 22 years ago. We all seemed to rally to help dad.
Mom had died when I was 22. I am now 68, an R.N. & a full time care giver.
I have found to remain "ever present", is the key for me. Sounds easy-lol-it is a life time dance. Family?? Everyone is my family. Family of origin-look about you....look in the mirror. If as individualizes, we can't look with in & see the LIGHT-look to your mom & find it -it is there. Go moment to moment-it is all we have anyway. Blessing are you, your mom, & all of us & if I (I will own this), can't put my arms around an idea/a thought/ which I can't, I have found that it is through another human being that I learn, can hug & can love for if I can't do this with another, how can I do it for myself?

I hate my brothers. They don't care about my mother who has alz. My oldest brother bullies me and the staff at my mother's alz unit all the time. When I told him I needed to take Mom to the hospital, he hung up on me. It is a living nightmare. My other 2 brothers refuse to see Mom and won't talk to me. They can't be bothered. It is a really sad situation.

I realize that I am the happiest when I don't think about my brothers' lack of participation or concern. I hate that they put me in the position of pushing them to do the right thing, but I also know that I can handle it - my mom is in a great assisted living facility now and doing well, so i don't have the stress that others on this site do. But after I spend a weekend cleaning out her house and going through 40 years of a life and my brothers can't be bothered to answer the phone to talk about what they might want to keep or how hard this is to accept, I get angry. I think about cutting them out of my life at some point, for now I just don't talk to them for a while until I'm in a better place. I need to focus on doing what's best for mom. But do I want to have any relationship with someone who won't even talk to his mom? not really. and no I won't be helping him out when he gets older....

Siblings (minds) are really out to lunch... As we know, we can't change them, so somehow we have to come to terms with ourselves (as many of us do) in hopes that it doesn't change us in a negative way.

My wife and I can relate to the siblings doing nothing to help. My mother in law is pushing 100 and needs total help in her daily life at home. Moms other 2 daughters do nothing to help and one lives less than 10 minutes away. My wife has health issues of her own because of this situation. The two sisters may or may not get in contact with their mom during the holidays that is a roll of the dice. Mom has even had her grandkids see her and then tell her well we drive by the house daily and we will try and stop but that was 2 years ago and still no visit. The one thing that really makes me mad is her oldest sister has people believing she helps and the only help she gives is to complain about everything we do for her mom. Even when our child had health issues she would not watch her mom, we had to take her mom with us 2 hours on the road and 2 hours back because her sister was to busy mind you she is retired. I believe the only consolation the care givers in these situations have is the other siblings will have to answer for this when they meet their maker or when they need to have their children take care of them.

Oh, where do I begin......I try to post here as much as I can. But, it seems that every time I do, it is about how my siblings never want to help me with our mom. That may be because that is how it is. My brother is 55, my sister 54 and I am 50. They of course have always been closer because of age and I guess because of their misguided priorities. My mother is 77 and has always been chronically ill. Although I am the youngest, from a very young age I also was the one who always had the most empathy and compassion. Even when I and my immediate family lived 3 hours away from my mother (dad had passed) we still would go care for her when she would have acute episodes of (fill in the blank) and be in the hospital. Like I said she has many health issues.
At the time she literally lived about 100 feet from my brother and yet she would not see him for weeks. Not to mention, never having the medicines that she needed in order to not land in the hospital. Or even groceries. That's why my mom was literally moved to my town, without my input, so that I could care for her. Because as they see it I don't do anything.

My sister, true story, one time that mom was in the hospital ER, went to see her for 5 minutes and said that she had to leave because she was going with her fiancé to his parents wedding anniversary party. Never in my adult life have they ever called me to see how I or my family are doing. So of course, the longer and more intensive that my caregiving has become, the more angry and resentful that I have become with my siblings. I have tried so many times to communicate with them by phone, email and regular mail to no avail. Family meetings? Well, I speak all I want and nothing ever happens.

They have always seen me the "sister of convenience", because as long as I don't complain about how tired I am or that I and my family want to go somewhere, then all is right. Any communication we have had has always been initiated by me. Any responses have been grudgingly given but to say that they don't have time. Yet, they call and email each other all of the time and they coordinate time off to go on family trips with each other!

I have had to have many a serious talk with my mom because in her own way she too has made things even more difficult for never really giving me my place in front of them. I think she is afraid of them, so no telling what has taken place between them privately. I do know the few times they come to visit her BP goes sky high. Yet, she acts as if everything is perfect. Very strange!!!!! She won't ever tell the truth because she is the type of person that can lie very convincingly.

Like others here, I feel happier when I do not have any (what little there is) interaction with them. Of course, this means that I no longer will try and do things just for mom's sake. 18 years have taken a toll on me mentally and physically. My siblings truly do not care for me and that is so obvious in their actions. For myself, I may be a little sad for losing what little and very stretched sibling relationship I may have had. But then again, how can I truly be sad for something that never existed. I am so happy with my little immediate family whom I know and feel how much they love me. Yes, sometimes we do have to break away from things or people who cause us more pain than happiness. Whether family or not....

Every day I pray for us caregivers who are in this daily war. God bless and strength to you all!

I saw this and thought it is really good advise:
"You don't ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn't matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance. --You don't have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It's one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and "continues" to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go. ~Danielle Koepke~

I have tried to have a relationship with my brother for many years, but the relationship is just toxic for my mental health, so I have chosen to cut him out of my life. I wish him only the best. It is just not in my best interest to have a relationship with him. I know it hurts Mom that we don't get along, but I have decided that I need to worry about me for a change!

Based on my experience as primary caregiver for my mother-in-law, I am absolutely convinced that caregiving has a direct correlation to caregiver health. I believe caregiver health is impacted by both the physical and emotional demands of the job. I address this issue in my book, “What to Do about Mama?”

• Around the time I turned 60, just before Mom became sick, I was sitting on the examining table at the doctor’s office for my yearly checkup, thinking, “I feel great!” In a matter of weeks, because of the dramatic increase of caregiving demands, fatigue, aches, and pains began to get the better of me. WTDAM p.11

• If the expectations we had coming into the caregiving relationship are not fulfilled, the seed for conflict is planted. Our expectations are born out of a sense of fairness. Imbalances of responsibility lead to bad feelings among siblings and to caregiver burnout. “Doing one’s part” is open to interpretation. You are not in control of your adult siblings, and when you try force your will (no matter how justified), it provokes a wide array of negative emotional responses. WTDAM p.60

I also address the issue of maintaining sibling relationships.

• There could be healing someday if you and your siblings find your way to let go of grudges. But you may also have to learn to accept that sometimes relationships are broken beyond repair, and it’s just not your job to fix them. Whereas childhood relationships with brothers and sisters are involuntary, maintaining them in adulthood is not. We are entitled to choose “not.” WTDAM p.113

Wow, I hope you all are using your Moms money for her supplies and to pay yourselves! I hope you caregivers are all the POA's, if not, get to a lawyer . If your loved one dies, those wicked siblings will be there fast with their hand out for an equal share of your loved ones estate. Dont let it happen! I gave up on mine, I begged the first couple of years and now I only have stress when they want to visit, which is rare, and I hate it. I prefer they drop off the face of the earth personally! Stress? Holy mackeral yes, but I hired help to get out, its the only way to do it. Yes, another place for your loved ones money to go, help for you! Dont do it free, dont let them bully you, and get some legal info asap. Good luck, I am over 6 years on this journey with Mom still also.

I now am on a beta blocker for HBP and it's not really helping. I have hyperthyroid disease, have for years and that has become unstable.

Ok i have read all of your responses, some are great and some are not so great and those of u that think that because ur the closest to ur loved ones that its all ur responsablity need to understand its not all ur responsablity...ur parents raised all of u and gave all of u all they could....now its up to ALL of you to be part of giving back what was given to u.
With that being said....i am in the same position....i live in the same town as my parents...my mom passed away last year leaving my 90 year old dad alone....he is in the starting phases of dementia, and is suffering (for many years) with PSTD and can be very nasty, mean to me yelling & screaming....he insists he wants to live & die in his home...and that he cant deal with everything which he cant....i am the one who pays his bills or setup for automatic payments directly from his bank, i look after his grocery shopping or at least I did until recently when he yelled at me one too many times so I left and told him to call me if he needed me....that was 6 weeks ago!!! I have POA so i can still take care of all his bill etc from my home....my hubby has gone to visit him so i know hes ok...got him meals on wheels so i know he eating. As for my 3 siblings my sister who lives just an hour away has not seen my dad in a year and talked to him last on xmas day...my brother lives 4 hrs away has come to see my dad once in the last year but calls him every couple of months...my other brother lives 14 hrs awsy and calls my dad about once a month but my dad is always nasty to him as well. Am I angry they dont stepup and help me more....angry is a strong word but im disappointed for sure!! I have COPD and just recently had to add oxygen into my house...i also am having other issues which are more than likley stress related. Thats why ive had to step back from my dads care...i have called his dr & mental health and informed them of these events. All i can say is look after yourself 1st and if ur siblings dont help get the help u need else where ..... good luck xo

seems that we are all in the same boat, one way or another, once my mother was injured, it left a sudden painful void in my life, i now realize that without her positive influence on certain siblings, they are just nasty evil people, i don't like saying that but it's the truth, it's just a sad situation & she would be so distraught knowing what things have become but i can't let their negativity continue to affect me emotionally and physically, i also have to take care of 2 infant babies at this point, my mother was supposed to be around to help/enjoy this time and now that she isn't, it's extremely difficult for me but do any of the nasty siblings ask how i'm doing, that's a definite NO, they tortured me towards the end of my high risk pregnancy so to be honest over issues about POA, control, other legal bs.... i'll forgive but forgetting won't be possible, so i have 1 or 2 that i'll remain in contact with, can't say the same for the other ones, definitely their loss

I have been taking care of mom with Alzheimer's two years now. I have no family. Brother died last year and I did not know he was that sick because he and wife did not talk with me for 6 months prior due to his wife cleaning out my moms silverware to help me out, bagged up what I might want after keeping a few things for herself. I was very upset , but tried to approach brother about it and he cussed me out. My sil has always worn pants. All this to say brother was leaving a lot of money for mom, he told me , but said sil could change it and we have not gotten a penny. My mom will probably end up on medicaid in nursing home, because I have heart problems and the stress is just too much even though I take her to daycare.my sil first offered to help, then bragged about everywhere she was going on vacation, and I couldn't pin her down, so I stopped all contact with her and felt better. All she did was add more stress to the situation. I
Say tell the siblings point blank you need help and if they don't, screw them.

1DivineDiva ask your brother to come over night with his Mom again and DON'T come back... Go to your own home and stay put! Let your brother with POA take care of Mom....

I have been the primary caregiver for my elderly mother since November 2012. She has COPD, is in a wheelchair, has type II diabetes and in on oxygen full time. In addition, she needs assistance with toileting and frequently either wets or soils herself. She does wear adult pull ups... I am going on 67 and am fairly active. My home is 100 miles south of my mother. I was leading a ladies organization and had a fairly active social life. In November 2012 when my mother was released from the hospital, I brought my two dogs and a lot of my possessions and moved in with my mother. Since my siblings all have spouses and I am divorced...it was said that I was in the best position to move in with my mother. When I did move in, I found that everyone else's help became pretty nonexistent. I care for my mother day in and day out, do the grocery shopping, do all of the cooking, cleaning and laundry... You name it, and I do it. I have even taken care of all of the snow shoveling this winter.
One of my sisters will come and transport my mother to the doctor's office and sometimes my brother will do this also. My other sister will help out if she doesn't already have something planned.

I am finding that Caregiving has taken over my life until I don't even feel that I have a separate identity. I do not have any friends or acquaintances in the community where my mother lives.

Last spring I became so tired that I needed to see the doctor. The doctor told me that I was suffering from exhaustion and chronic fatigue. I told my siblings that I needed more help. One of my sisters wrote me an e-mail and said that she thought that I was going to be able to stay with mama and that if I could not - I could go on home and the three of them would decide something about mama. Then my brother wrote me an e-mail and told me that I was a horse's behind and said that I was lazy and stupid...and that I was either crazy or a lunatic or both.

I am constantly depressed because I feel that I am being so disrespected by my siblings... My mother gets tired of seeing me all the time and is sometimes very "short" with me.... Then when she does see my siblings, she is so sweet to them...

Another year has passed and I find that I am still tired and exhausted...sometimes have trouble concentrating...and it is just a chore to try to do anything... All of my siblings have been on vacations with their families. I have not.

When my siblings do come in to stay for a day or so, I find that I need to go back to my home 100 miles south to check on things and spend the majority of this time not resting but trying to catch up on work that has been neglected
there at my property.

Recently, one of my sisters and I made an arrangement whereby I could go home for a week or so. She was planning to take my mother to her home to keep her there since she also has a husband who is handicapped and she cannot leave him at night. My brother came over to visit and found out about these plans and because he does not like my brother-in-law, he got very angry and said that HIS mother was NEVER going to stay at their house...that HE would see our mother in a nursing home before that would ever happen. My mother was present when he was raving and carrying on...and then she said that she would not go to my sister's home because it would make my brother angry. My brother has my mother's POA, and it is obvious to me that my mother is afraid of him... My brother then said he would stay with our mother for several nights so that I could leave but that he could not stay all week because he and his wife were going on a camping trip. So, that puts me right back where I started....with no help...and no emotional support either...

I have been under a lot of stress because of all of this and did finally go to a support group in the area so that at least I could have someone to talk to...
I have begun writing in a journal and trying to carve out little portions of the day when I can do things that I enjoy...

I do enjoy my mother's company and do not mind helping her and spending time with her...but I had not planned for Caregiving to consume my entire life.

I agree with pipruby - if siblings don't help, you can't change them and you can make yourself miserable trying. I used to be SO angry with my brother, but in the past few years, I've come to accept our differences and I'm much happier. I'm also doing a better job of taking care of myself through exercise.

My brother is self-centered and clueless but not mean. He thinks he's doing a great job by calling mom once a week (at my insistence) for five minutes and sending her something a few times a year. He hasn't been to visit it about four years and my is 94. We have a pretty good relationship but it may dwindle after mom passes. I think he secretly thinks I'll take care of him when the time comes. Hahahahaha. No way Jose!

If your siblings will not help, you are probably not going to change them. Expecting them to change will only provide you with continuing heartache. It is hard work on your own, no need to keep being disappointed by their lack of support. For what ever reason, they feel unable to assist in direct care. True or not, in your estimation, it would not do your parent any good to have someone there who does not want to be there.

Make sure you get some time for yourself. Right now I have about an hour first thing in the am where I can have my morning cup of coffee in my front yard before Dad wakes up. I simply sit and look at clouds, trees, birds, my cat and not think about anything. Something that simple can help.

I took an early retirement incentive in CA to return to Michigan (then age 58). During the one-week move, I broke out with a very weird "horn" my temple. Devil jokes aside (I am after all the evil daughter of a malignant narcissist mother), biopsy took 4 weeks because only the Mayo Clinic could identify it. I had developed a very rare form of T Cell Lymphoma. I had just finished taking care of my MIL for 10 years (she died at 100), helped husband remodel her home (why I could retire early). I had been helping my Dad in Michigan for about 5 years with his finances. My sis never stepped up, doesn't call Dad (all who remains now), and visits as she would a 20-something, to eat out and have a nice visit.