We want to move to our retirement home in other country and mom keeps saying she hopes she dies before we move her again. Moved mom from East into our home in Southwest after dad died 3 yrs ago (I'm only child) and mom needs help 24X7. We now want to move out of country to our retirement home but mom says "I hope I die before you move me again" and "I won't move again, just throw me in nursing home back East" etc. etc. Husband has been great for 3 yrs, now wants us to enjoy our retirement home and meet new friends. I won't put her 4000 miles away in nursing home, want to move her into our retirement house with us. She doesn't want to go, is depressed past 3 yrs, just wants her life back, same town for 88 years, same house for 60 years, married 67 years. I fear if we move her, she will be worse and more depressed than she is now and we won't be able to enjoy our retirement. Husband has been so helpful/great, but now wants a life with me as we age ourselves. Caught between them both. What to do?
I can understand why your Mom wants to go back East to be in a nursing home in her old home town.... there probably would be friends she knows that are living in the same place. It's something to think about.
Since your mom has dementia she is unable to make decisions on her own and you must make those decisions for her. What do you feel is best for your mom? I can certainly understand why your husband would like the opportunity to travel and spend time with you but I also see your side in that you don't want your mom thousands of miles away where you can't check on her.
What about a compromise? Move your mom with you but place her in a nursing home close to you. That way you and your husband get your time together and your mom gets what she says she wants. But be prepared for your mom to be unhappy wherever she ends up.
Here is your chance to enjoy your retirement.I would jump on that chance to put her in a nurcing home.Why?Because,she is willing to go.
It's okay. Time for you and husband to make life for yourself and enjoy your retirement. You may return home sometime, but don't wait. Go while you are both able to enjoy. Things can happen in a heartbeat to either one of you making travel abroad impossible--so go now and no regrets.
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