My mother is 81. She has senile dementia and paranoia. She is very funny about food. She doesn’t want to throw anything away. I found a jar of fermented okra in the fridge and showed it to her and told her I was going to get rid of it. She looked like she had a demon in her eyes and told me to leave her food alone. I put it back. I can tell she’s not eating it but why keep it? And other things to that need thrown out. Stale crackers and other jars I’m afraid to open.
I threw it all out. She's not happy with me, but how could I leave it when she is in the hospital due to gastro issues???
Mother can't reach into the back of her fridge, so she lets stuff "ferment" a lot. I don't say ANYTHING. I just throw it out. She hangs on to everything. Bags and bags with ONE stale cookie each.
There's no point in showing them the food. It just does not register that it could go bad.
Another point that someone once brought up--elders often have a very hard time washing their hands as often as they should. This would explain mother's phone encrusted in food bits--her remotes, the doorknobs---she cannot seem to remember to wash her hands well. Any food she's worked with will mold much more quickly with dirty handling.
The one day a week I see her, for about an hour, I just chat away and wipe down whatever surfaces I can and always clean her phone and the doorknobs. Throw out bad food and she has never said anything, so I don't think she notices.
Worst thing I found was two cans of out of date tomatoes (about eight years, if I remember right). They had fermented to the point that both cans had exploded in the cupboard. That was a mess to clean up!
I remember visiting my MIL for Thanksgiving. She had bagels in her frig bin from the Thanksgiving before. They were hard. I went thru and found all her bread items in the bin were wayyyyy out of Date. I was going to toss them but husband felt I should at least put them on the counter. She wasn't appreciative but I told her they were not edible. Later she thanked me because it gave her room for TG leftovers. We didn't realize till later this was the beginning.
Try pointing out to your mom that you can smell the stuff is spoiled. She might be touchy about having a house that smells and acquiesce. That worked with my dad. He actually ended up ruining his refrigerator with the smell of rotting food that won't go away.
That's only if she finds out you're tossing things because I agree with the others to just toss without warning. Above is just if you're caught.
Then again, I alway remember my dear old gran. Cooked me an omelette when I was a kid. Tasted a bit funny. So I said "Gran are those eggs in date". Her reply "Eggs don;t go out of date".
If there is one “rule” to follow - one thing you should take to heart - as you are dealing with your aging mother - it’s what cwillie said.
What I have come to call The Golden Rule of Dementia. And, that is: There is no reasoning with Dementia.
Just do what you need to do - be as sneaky as you need to be - in order to keep your mother safe.
If you wait for her to agree with you and/or for her to understand and see things from your point of view - nothing will ever get done.
Dont wait for the Botulism to set in.
I don't say anything to her about it and she doesn't ask!
Your kitchen, your fridge rules I'd say. If your mother wants to keep some of her own speciality items, fine, but you can still insist they have to be within recommended Use By dates.
Or, could you surreptitiously substitute fresh jars of okra, say, or new crackers for the ones that have expired?
He let me clear out one food cupboard last June. There was food with best before dates going back a decade or more in it.
I do not touch the other cupboards, although I know there is food that needs to be tossed.
Dad does not have dementia, he does tend to hoard food. He also can no longer reach the top shelves of cupboards. Perhaps this June I will have permission to clean out another cupboard. I have to use clear garbage bags when tossing anything in his home and ask him about each item.