My 91 yr old mother is in the nursing home for the second time this year. She wants to go home and NH believes her that she has adequate support to do so. Nope! She has a colostomy (25yrs) and has had several partial blockages in the last year. She is improving in rehab and would do well in an assisted living facility with some additional help. However, she no no longer uses her walker on her own so she uses a wheelchair. I have to say she usually is good with transfers to the toilet, but the wheelchair won't work on her thick carpet or fit through the door to her bathroom. It has been an increasing problem for me in the last couple years running to her house in the middle of the night. She has fallen multiple times. Broke her hip 2 years ago. She can't cook anymore and doesn't like what meals on wheels brings. I bring her food and she lets it sit. I had aides coming in daily but she sent them away except for about an hour a day. She has lost 100 pounds in 2 years. I am 62 with my own health problems and I can no longer do this. My 73 year old husband is a peach helping but he says enough. We have helped her remain in her home for 16 years since my Dad died. I know I need to just tell her no. We are going to see her this week and lay out options for her. Basically one of two assisted living places or stay in NH. My husband says if she insists she's going home we say that's her choice but we will not help her do this because it is unsafe for her and harmful to our well-being. I just don't know how this will go and if she will fight us. If she managed to get home there is no way I'd ignore her so it seems an empty threat.
Yes, your Mom will fight you. Before I found this website I didn't realized I was enabling my parents to continue with their own lifestyle while I had to make drastic changes to my own. If only I would re-wind the past 7 years !!
My Mom didn't want anything done to her house in the way of making it elderly friendly. She wouldn't even allow us to rearrange the furniture to make it easier for her and Dad. Use a walker? In what universe would that happen?
My Mom would fight us tooth and nail, and would die trying to prove us wrong, that she was able to take care of herself and my Mom. Her last fall was her final fall.
I honestly believe that our elderly parents don't view us as senior citizens. I know I could not convince my parents of my age, even waving my Medicare card and AARP membership. We will always be "kids" and what do we know. After going through the terrible stress of dealing with my parents I know now that senior citizens should not be caring for their parents, especially when we have our own age decline and health issues. There were days I thought my parents would outlive me.
Mom is almost certainly telling the young social worker " oh, my daughter will be there to do that".
Send the se, cc to the head social worker and don of rehab, a certified letter stating that you will not be on site to assist mom with bathing, transfers, meal prep, dressing or toileting. That if she needs assistance in those adls, caregivers will need to be hired or she will need facility care. Ask what level of care they are recommeding for your mom and make them put in writing what they believe. And ask for an assessment of the home by an OT.
If they plan to discharge mom to home, do not pick her up. Stand firm and don't let them guilt you.
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