Their home is infested with rats and roaches and my baby sister is not there 24/7, but claiming that she’s taking care of them. She is barely there but wants them to stay for her own gain. What can we do? They both are showing signs of Alzheimer’s. My mom is a diabetic and they both have high blood pressure. They don’t want to leave their home, but it’s not fit to stay in.
Or are you hearing about it from others, or via the phone?
I would shift the focus off the 'baby sister' & leave bold assumptions about her motives aside. Away from blaming 'baby sister' & focus on the real problem here : safety & hygiene.
1. Have you discussed the mice/rat issue with your parents yourself?
What was their response?
Fear? Anxiety? Denial? No clue?
2. What steps are THEY taking to deal with this?
3. If they cannot/will not take steps - report their address to Adult Protection Services for an urgent welfare check.
If the home is suspected of squalor & a vermin problem, a visit by authorities hopefully is scheduled quickly.
My relative saw evidence of mice. Got new bins with better fitting lids, plugs all wall holes, laid traps & continues to use natural plant based oils to deter. Problem gone.
They are independant.
Are your parents still independant?
That the real problem.
It will help you on how to deal with them.
They may have other forms of dementia than Alzheimer's. 36 Hour day is a good book. And Teepa Snow on YouTube.
Best of luck
Do they need help?
Do they need a caregiver?
Is anyone POA?
Do they have any medical diagnosis that makes them "vulnerable"?
Side comment...
Before your sibling takes them in I would do the following:
Don't bring ANY clothing, furniture or items from their house until it has been cleared of any infestation.
If a sibling OTHER than the younger one that is "staying" with them is POA the POA can make any decision that is in their best interest. (If the one staying with them is POA then another sibling may have to file for Guardianship)
A call to APS or your State's Elder Abuse Hotline number might help.
If there is a local Senior Service Center they will probably have a Social Worker that can help.
If you or another sibling can arrange a "Doctors appointment" and bring them both to the doctors for an evaluation that might also get things started as doctors are MANDATED reporters of neglect and abuse.
Even if nothing is found getting them out of the house for an appointment might just facilitate a move to your siblings house the same day. That way they have nothing but the clothes they have on.
The problem then changes; Where will they go?
I would not recommend they move in with any family member. They will bring their hoard with them, or begin hoarding all over again.
They will be forced to clean out the home. This will be a huge project and very costly, as you can not do it on your own, and will have to hire professional help.
The parents don't want to leave their home. Even if it is a health hazard.
If they were my parents, I might opt to simply let them live as they wish.
There's only so much you can do to control other people's lives. You could force them out of their home, and they will begin the cycle all over again. And they will be unhappy with you for forcing them out of their home.
Although if dementia is diagnosed & a person requires legal guardianship, if moved into supported living they lose freedom to live as they did. A facility/group home has legal safety standards to enforce.
I have assisted with room cleanup & de-hoarding when patients/residents are in the bathroom in acute care & residental settings.
Once you have diagnosis, consult with an elder care attorney near you. Find an elder care specialist attorney, not just any attorney. You probably need POA or guardianship. Possibly alert Adult Protective Services to come check out the house to so that’s it’s on record it’s unlivable. Take videos and pics.
Be prepared for a battle with your parents…sounds like they need to be in either in home hospice, Assisted Living or a nursing home. Maybe the Dr can give you advice.
Call the Area Agency on Aging in your area. They can get hospice help. Hospice is NOT just for end of life, they offer palliative care also. But if the home is unlivable, then it’s best they go someplace clean to be taken care of.
Let your sister take them in…however you should be POA with their social security, bank accts, house, whatever assets they have. If you control the money, then your sister can’t take advantage, and I’m sure she’ll soon see taking care of two elder people is no picnic. Hospice can help your parents in her home, so that does take some burden off her, but if her home is not unlivable, perhaps that’s the answer. With you in control of the funds and hospice helping, they should be ok with your sister. If your sister doesn’t like that idea, it may be a red flag. Get POA after you get the Drs diagnosis.
Hospice care is entirely paid for by Medicare. Assisted Living your parents or family will need to pay for, nursing home too unless they have no assets then you need to apply for Medicaid. Again an elder care attorney can help with that part to explain what you need to do.
First diagnosis, then POA, then Hospice. Also, start educating yourself on dementia behaviors and how to handle them; sister too if they are going to live with her. There’s so many behavior issues and you need to know how to cope, for their sake and yours. If they won’t go to sisters or someplace decent, then Adult protective services should get involved.
It will be a battle whether it’s with your parents, your sister or both.
If they have a social worker, that person needs to be working with you.
Do you have all legal needs in place - to make decisions on their behalf?
Get an attorney.
Have they been determined medically to not have the capacity to take care of themselves (dementia) - you need this documentation.
"Showing signs of Dementia (may not be Alz) - if their home is 'infested with rats and roaches,' the situation is way beyond showing signs. You/family should have been alerted to this situation way before the rats and roaches were seen (rotten food left out? filthy conditions/not cleaning, etc. - self care?)
I am perplexed why it has taken this long to 'notice' what is going on?
Is family / someone checking in on them regularly? How often?
Of course they refuse to leave. With their declining cognitive abilities (confusion, perhaps hallucinations) it is 'their home' - what is familiar to them.
This decision is not up to them. It should not have been up to them 'to decide' way before the rats/roaches approched. Clearly, they do not have the mental capacity to make these decisions - with the rats/roaches, they STILL do not want to leave. What does this tell you?
You/family needs to get medical and legal matters in order, yesterday.
You move them out today - Period.
Call APS.
Gena / Touch Matters
Knee jerk reaction of course would be to get them out of there today, but with no other information, who knows if that is even feasible.
the conditions are unhygienic and sound rather scary
they need social to come in and at least get rid of the rodent problem
then ensure holes in every room filled
( steel wool/wire as they’re not supposed to be able to bite thru that)
the rodent issue needs urgent attention
worry about the rest later
if still unsure to their doctors office
they must deal with age related issues all the time and gave contacts
good luck
sounds horrendous