I may need to transport my wife, who is somewhat incontinent. I don't see how I can enter a public bathroom with her to assist her. I tentatively thought I might fly her out with me to our new destination, once I have completed the physical move, placing her in a nursing home in the interim. But she will need to use the restroom on the plane, and I will have to assist her there. Do airlines make provision for this? If I drive cross-country with her, I will face the public bathroom issue, where my presence will not be tolerated in a lady's bathroom, and her presence will not be acceptable in a men's bathroom.
A camper would also be an excellent idea especially if you can hire one a few days ahead and make some short trips in that.
Another idea not dedicated to the actual trip is it would be a good idea to be moved into the new home before transporting Mom. Arrange her room in the same way with the same furniture as she currently has. That way things will seem familiar to her.
Discus this move with her Dr and request advice on using anti anxiety meds and anti diarrheal as well.
As far as using a public restrooms if family bathrooms are not available if i was male i would use the genderappropriate facility for my loved one. Open the door wide and shout that you are bringing your wife in who is disabled and is it OK to come in now. All the women are safely locked in their cubicles and I have never seen anything inappropriate or embarrasing in the open area.
In the mens room the urinals are open as you know and this may not bother the men but it could embarrass your wife and she may not be able to "go" with men listening. Have you ever tried to use a bedpan in an ER when there is a man behind the next curtain? LOL Push and stain as much as you will that desperate pee won't come out.
I am sure you dealt with this before but take a roomy waterproof bag with empty plastic grocery bags, gloves and other supplies plus a collapsible basin or bucket so you can get water into the stall. If there is a mess in the stall tell an attendant and request they clean it up. many handicapped stalls have a help button you can use. your wife is the #1 priority not stall cleaning.although strowing a few paper towels on the floor may cover the worst and deter other users without grosing them out till it is cleaned. lots of time a toilet will overflow with normal use so everyone knows there are risks to using a public restroom.
Has she flown recently? Would she become frightened or agitated during the flight? I would be more concerned about how her behavior might be than worrying about bathrooms!
As for using the women's bathrooms, there are no open stalls (men's rooms usually have urinals, she and anyone using the men's room might not appreciate the intrusion.) Like others have said, if you knock and announce yourself first, you should not have an issue going into the women's bathrooms. If the room is empty when you enter but others come in later, it should be obvious to them what is going on and you should not have an issue.
MargaretMcKen - funny you posted that - I was not going to chime in, but I hear you on the queues at events!! I always wonder what does take women so long in the bathroom??? When my son was little, maybe 3yo, he had to go. We were waiting in one such queue, with the men's room just to our left. In/out, In/out, the door almost never stopped!! Finally I told him to just go in there, he really had to go! Door continued to open and close, with me worried outside! As one man was leaving I hear a plaintive moooommmm? PANIC! The guy stopped, held the door open and said no one else was in there, go on in. That was many many many years ago! So yes, sir, it can be done. There are jerks out there who might make a fuss. They'll get over it.
Depending on how far this trip is, taking extra time/days and making the most of it, I would opt for the car. Nice meals in restaurants, stay in nice hotels. Take the scenic (but not too far out of the way!) routes. Really make this last outing special! She is likely used to riding in the car with you, won't get stressed and there are plenty of rest stops along the way to take care of business.