I am an only child...my mother has demetia and has been living with us on and off for 3 1/2 years and steady for 18 months....we both are done with caregiving but the final straw came today when my daughter wanted to visit us for 2 weeks this summer with our 2 toddler grand kids but says she can't with gramma here as she's too noisy all night long and would wake the kids, there's too much yelling as gramma is near deaf and long ago destroyed her hearing aids....we only see our grand kids every 3 or 4 months as they live 700 miles away ...and when heard heard they won't come because of our situation here he flipped.....he really wants her gone now...my cousin in AZ said she would take my mother to live with her some months ago.....Said she would drive here to the east in late august and take her..well suprise.... She came here 2 weeks go and is staying with friends 60 miles from here...she hasn't visited my mother yet...in fact I found out she was coming here from her brother, she never told me herself she was coming down...I think she wants to back out of taking her after no doubt telling this to others....I don't think she will be making the treck again in 2 months...what do I do?..my mother gets SS..is on Medicare....has no other assets at all....she doesn't have my major med. problems...she doesn't want to go to a nursing home and I don't know if she qualifies for one having dementia....my husband has had it...he wants his life back and I do too
Having someone with Alz in the home can be a big strain on a marriage and the family in general. Their needs have to be considered too. ((((((Hugs)))))) to you. I am sure you feel like you are between a rock and a hard place.
And yes, I agree that you should get the ball rolling to find a nursing home for your mother. It takes awhile. The "inactive list" to wait for a room to open up at a highly recommended nursing home near us is eighteen months. Individual results may vary, but you can't expect there'll be a place ready to take her tomorrow, just because your husband has reached the end of his patience.
Of course you want your life back. And if there's no one to take mom your only other option is a nursing home. Some might suggest assisted living but if you move her to assisted living she's going to continue to decline and you'll just end up having to move her again to a nursing home. But if moving her to assisted living makes you feel better than moving her to a NH do that.
But your biggest hurdle is going to be trying to convince your mom to move.
I think it's important to get some quality time, right now, away from Mom to find out what's got your husband all worked up.. Obviously it's just not your daughter's visit.. Have a heart to heart.. I don't know about you but I've been with my husband that long and I know how he feels about everything.. He doesn't have to tell me I can usually figure it out.. Sometimes I act like I don't know ..LOL But seriously talk with him..
When I AM impaired and can't take care of myself anymore, YES, put me in a place where I can be safe, clean, and looked after. NO, I don't want it to be in my kids' homes. NO, I don't want it to be in my home at great inconvenience to everybody and probably myself.
So to anybody who criticizes a person for making safe and smart decisions vs. eventually putting themselves and the senior in an unsafe and unsustainable situation......Kindly Stuff It.
We have had a spate of callous trolls lately on the boards and I'm quite unhappy about it. It's probably the same people who just keep creating shill accounts over & over. Sad, sick, lonely, people who have to take their anger with the world out on us here. Not acceptable behavior at all.
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