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BTW,you actually did end up with some really good responses to your first post!
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Sylvia, all I can say is that we had a succession of ill and dying grandparents living with us growing up and it made my brothers and me quite determined never to be in that situation. Yes, one bathroom, Whipped. I hear you! Hope you're getting on with the NH plan, where your mom will get the professional help she needs. Best of luck.
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How would I like it if my children did this to me? I would like it just fine. If they did it to me TODAY (and why on earth would they?) it wouldn't make sense. I wouldn't even be admittable to a NH or AL facility. I'm not impaired. This argument from people is utterly ridiculous and a blatant attempt to manipulate you, by creating pointless guilt.

When I AM impaired and can't take care of myself anymore, YES, put me in a place where I can be safe, clean, and looked after. NO, I don't want it to be in my kids' homes. NO, I don't want it to be in my home at great inconvenience to everybody and probably myself.

So to anybody who criticizes a person for making safe and smart decisions vs. eventually putting themselves and the senior in an unsafe and unsustainable situation......Kindly Stuff It.

We have had a spate of callous trolls lately on the boards and I'm quite unhappy about it. It's probably the same people who just keep creating shill accounts over & over. Sad, sick, lonely, people who have to take their anger with the world out on us here. Not acceptable behavior at all.
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Sylvia, you say our children will treat us as we do our parents. Well, they will and they won't. They will have learned how to care for parents with respect, love and competence, that the best care isn't necessarily by our own hands. But in another way, they won't treat us as we do our parents because we will not behave in a way that causes them to detach and reduce contact. We will treat them with love, respect and appreciation for whatever they do for us.
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Sylvia, I've warned all my family that I absolutely DO NOT want them to make such sacrifices for me. What a nightmare - I don't think I'm queen of the universe for pete's sake. I should hope I am able to consider the welfare of those I love, rather than thinking it is all about me. Life is full of the good and the bad - fact is if you live long enough you are sure to develop health problems of various kinds and when you cannot manage as you have been used to doing, YOU need to make the change, not expect other people to enable you to continue as you are. They have lives too. It is not all about you! And I like vstefans advice about the lessons kids learn - I've seen it - be nasty because that is what works to get you want you want - be nice and you'll be a doormat.
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This poster has already sacrificed her own life in an admirable way to help her mom. I've been taking care of my own mom for about a year. If she didn't have dementia, she would be heartbroken with all that I have to do for her. It's a labor of love, though.

Kids learn many lessons. They've already learned that caring for one's mom is a loving and honorable thing to do. Now they can learn the lesson that one must make sensible choices even when they aren't perfect and hurt like h*ll.
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