I guess this is a dumb question, but how do you go back to work... living your own life after being a caregiver for so long?

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I guess this is a dumb question, but how do you go back to work... living your own life after being a caregiver for so long?

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Me and my brother have been caring for our parents for nearly 20 years. My mom passed away about 12 years ago and my step-dad has gone to a memory care after showing signs of dementia and being admitted to the hospital. He's only in transitional care while he does rehab, but I honestly don't think we could go back to living together--not only do we not have the resources to care for him properly, but with us both just in our forties we have a host of medical issues (dental, vision, possible hernias from lifting people and heavy loads daily) we need to deal with after years neglecting our health. Dad has insurance, even if it's Medicare and we're fine with paying the difference on his bills, for long as he's cared for. As for us, obviously we'll try to work if we can, but how do former caregivers go about explaining decades of unemployment? Should we use those years as experience on a resume? Talking with my nieces and nephews, all I see and hear is how you need years of experience just for entry-level jobs. Unfortunately we have no relatives nearby to lean on while we recover, so I know we can't relax just because the load of caring for dad is temporary off our shoulders.

Family Caregiver Parents Sacrifice

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Please don't feel discouraged. The job market is very good right now for job seekers. Unemployment is at the lowest in decades. Employers are looking for people to fill jobs.

With no current experience, you might need to take an entry level job, or even volunteer for a short period of time to get experience. Once you get your foot in the door, you can build on it and move up in jobs. Or you can go to a vocational school for a career training. Usually, it takes about a year or so for the training. Once you have a certificate, it's easier to find jobs.

Keep looking and you will find. Remember, when one door closes, another will open. And keep a positive attitude.

Good luck.

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Not sure what industry or skills you have, but some companies offer reentry positions. Typically the requirement is being out of the workforce for 2 or more years. These tend to be are geared towards caregivers.

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Google experience based resume, You to not list the jobs you have had, but the skills you have learned along the way.

I feed feral cats, have for 4.5 years, that translates into works well independently.

Problem solving

Working long hours

cooking and cleaning etc.

Go to you local employment centre and ask for a resume building workshop. Look into volunteer activities to help you fill out your resume.

I am the volunteer coordinator at a Tax Clinic. I have given 3 of the volunteers references this year. I have not had requests for references from the other volunteers yet, but I would be happy to provide them.

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Great advice! Make sure you add in ability to work without supervision, people skills in dealing with a range of professionals as well as difficult clients, etc etc etc. The CV sets out all of this, the application letter provides your personal interest in the job you are applying for. I helped a mature age student write a CV that got him a social work job after previous experience only as a grader driver - it can be done!

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It is very difficult, and you have all my sympathy. Tothill's plan is brilliant, and I hope you will feel much better just having got that far.

I don't know if this is true for you as well, but I found that another serious problem was deciding what I actually wanted to do, and I dithered and faffed about for far too long. But time pressed on, I was hired on the 28th August, and if I can persuade an employer to take a risk on me then anyone can! I haven't worked for a company since 1989, everything I've done has been either freelance or caregiving-related.

Volunteering is a very good way to let other people see how you function and build up a track record; this is important, because as caregivers we tend to become isolated and when we're asked for references or evidence we're stuck.

Another way to network is through training or vocational education - are you near any colleges that might offer relevant courses?

I should be careful about not letting the youngsters discourage you. For one thing, the old Catch-22 that "you can't get a job without experience, and you can't get experience without a job" has been a complaint for as long as I can remember, and yet people do, don't they, start work all the time. And for another, you're not looking for the same type of beginning for the same reasons: you, with life experience and real responsibility under your belt, are a completely different proposition as a candidate.

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And often, once you get in the door, you may find other jobs within the organization that you can move into.

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Finding work should not be too tough as there are so many open jobs in most places. You could get a caregiving job quite easily with the past 20 years of experience. You are fortunate to be young and many working years in front of you, that will make the task easier. I was 60 when I returned to my career after caring for mom and stepdad for four years. Get over to your job service center to see what training options that they have available. What type of work do you hope to find?

That aside, you and brother should not even try to pay facility costs for dad. He should pay himself with his resources. If resources are limited, then dad needs to get on long term care Medicaid. Check with your Area Agency on Aging for any services they may be able to refer you to for dad.

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Along with what others have suggested regarding your resume, I would think that once you do get in front of that hiring manager, you will say something like "I don't know if you have aging parents or Grandparents, but my time in caring for mine has now come to an end", believe it or not, most people do have some experience with elderly care issues and your honesty and compassion might show what a dedicated employee you truly will be.

Good Luck!

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That is very true..and it should be mentioned which justifies long absences from the work force. Most employers do understand since the elder population IS growing and there are more caregivers. Basically it is selling oneself, and in time a job will get landed.

https://health.usnews.com/health-care/for-better/articles/returning-to-the-workforce-after-caregiving

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That's what I'm confronting with my mom. I been caring for her for over 10 years and now she is at end-stage Alzheimer's disease, bedridden and not even able to talk, kept alive with tube feedings and free water flushes. You do have to start planning your life even while caregiving. If you have help watching her, you can work part time...I work once a week; I have my foot in the door. I also got my Bachelor's degree since caregiving; most of it was online. SO when mom dies it won't be as horrendous. I studied and worked very hard to make top grades so that education did not cost me a single dime as I won scholarships...sometimes two or three of them. I'm not a smart person by any means. It simply means I had to work and study harder than the average person. I needed those grades since I could not afford college so scholarships took care of the financial part. Graduating with honors meant a free education. It also looks good on a resume and shows the employer the caregiver has initiative despite their dismal situation.

Caregivers basically live off the income of the person they care for, and when they die, that means of support is severed. It's a kind of odd living arrangement where the caregiver and patient need each other to survive.

You do have to plan your life even as a caregiver since they won't be around forever and the bills just keep on coming in!

Age 40's you really are still VERY YOUNG.
I'm 60 years old. I went back to college in my early 50's. If I can do it..anybody can.

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I went back to college when I was 80 years old - studied for six years and took 30 courses. I loved it. You can do it too. And I still work two jobs (one for 50 years - animal welfare work from local to international level; power of attorney to two people for l4 years). I will be 86 in December

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All great answers. I also know it has to do with what field you were in. Technology one year is too long!!! But, I love the idea of getting some online classes going! Our community college has a career advisor and they work with folks everyday to map out a direction and will help find positions after some “updating” skills occurs.

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I’m an HR professional with 20yrs experience and was a caregiving to my mom for 8 yrs. Absolutely you can use those years of experience on a resume! Skills learned doing caregiving: perseverance, organizational skills, empathy, training, scheduling, time management, negotiating skills. What you really need to make sure you have when interviewing is a positive attitude and energy, which isn’t easy after years of caregiving, so you may have to work on that. Best to you and your brother.

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Thanks for those tips!
Cdulac. Can u comment on whether employers treat senior applicants any differently? I mean, what do they think about hiring seniors?
Thank u.

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Absolutely include all those years of care giving on your resume. If nothing else, it shows commitment and dedication on your part, qualities that a good employer will value.

You might want to start looking for appropriate jobs by creating a free account with any of the big job search sites, like Monster, Indeed, or Zip Recruiter. Even in my little rural corner of the world the economy is on an upswing and there are a lot of entry level jobs in a variety of fields (I subscribe to Indeed.com and get daily emails about jobs in my area... you can customize what jobs you want to see, too, so you only get notices about jobs that you would qualify for; and you can create an online resume so you can easily apply).

Good luck to you :)

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Hey!! Thanks for alllllll those job resources you provided. Glad to know about them. Rebecca

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I would just be honest about it. If you have learned skills that you would like to apply to a future career, you can use your time as a caregiver as a "job." Think about what you do know and see how that can be applied to a job of your choice.

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Getting work is often about networking. Get in contact with people you used to know/work with. You will need references. You may need to get updated on your skills, unless you decide to work in the area you have been working, which is care-giving. If you belong to any organizations, re-start your involvement so you can mix with people and find out about opportunities. When you apply for jobs, just be honest and say you took time off to care for your parents who needed extra help.

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I would first of all make arrangements immediately that the patient is placed in a safe facility and let them take care of him. You have done more than your share and you owe nothing more. Also, why are you footing some of the bills? You don't have that legal responsibility. He should be paying for a Medicare supplement which picks up what Medicare does not pay. Save the money for you as I think you are going to need it down the road. As to employment, first of all be honest as to what you were doing and why you could not work. And remember too, many people stay home with families and then suddenly enter the work force. Think what you would like to do and what skills you have and think of the best choice of employment that would fit and then start hunting. Jobs are out there - it may just take a bit of time. Don't listen to other people as they will pull you down. I think you definitely need some kind of employment - perhaps take anything to get you familiar with what it means to report to a job. You can always keep looking for something better. I think there may be places that can help advise you in looking for a job and how and what - just not sure how to direct you. Perhaps ask your local library to refer you to some places. But take care of yourself and know given time, I think you will be fine. You deserve it.

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You should not be footing the bills. You'll need that for your own old age. Tbh, it's a moot point now, but why were you not employed those years when you should have been?

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Agree, Llama.
(&I'm guilty too, ...cuz I wish I'd stop spending money on my adult kids, lol).

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You were NOT unemployed! You were doing some of the hardest work there is. You developed many skills during that time, not the least of which is case-management. There is a term for this: “transferable skills.” I would recommend googling “caregiving transferable skills” or combine the type of work that interests you, e.g. “program management caregiving transferable skills.” You’ll get lists of skills that are in common with caregiving and your field of interest. List these as skills you possess, and list the period of time you were caregiving in your work chronology. And definitely do not play it down during an interview by saying anything like “I was just taking care of my parents.” You we’re managing and providing daily care for your elderly/disabled parents. I’m proud of you for wanting to go back to work. It is a good way to keep your brain stimulated and yourself socially connected; two factors which have been found important in protecting us from ending up like our parents. I wish you the very best on your new journey!

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I wish I knew. I was only caregiving for my mother for three years, as even though I had worked for 25 years prior, I am finding it difficult to get back into the workforce. Also, in my 40’s and apparently you can’t have any gaps in employment. I have actually added “caregiver” to my resume to fill in that gap. I am supposed to start a job next week doing “caregiving”. It’s the only place I’ve found work. And it’s not guaranteed hours. I’ve also been driving on weekends for Lyft at the College football games. It’s not fair to get penalized for taking care of our parents. Funny, the other five siblings have done nothing and kept their jobs and high living. Praying you have better luck than me.

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If you find it is too difficult to work at your new job (may be an emotional toll given the caretaking you’ve already done), maybe keep looking and change “caretaking” to care management” for the time you were giving and managing care for your mother. So many employers these days do preliminary screening of applications with computers, so the specific words you use dan really make a difference. To say you were providing care management is in no way dishonest, as I am certain you had to manage appointments, referrals, etc. Finally, you may try spending some time with your local employment service (sometimes you can locate these by googling “name of your city-one stop shop,” or your local area agency on aging. They may be able to help you brush up your resume and learn the latest search tricks. Wishing you the very best and holding you in my thoughts.

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Since stopping caregiving a year ago, I’ve had numerous interviews, apply to at least 10 jobs a week, and still haven’t found a job. I’ve resorted to driving Lyft and Uber and a part time position for Visiting Angels. I had 15+ years of Project Management/Construction/Drafting under my belt and was making $60,000+ a year. I’m not trying to be negative to any of the suggestions. In fact, I plan to follow some of the great advice. But, believe me, it has not been easy. Even entry level jobs have been given to others. I have always made a point in interviews to explain the 3 year gap, but it does not seem to make a difference. I think I will redo my resume as any have suggested. Please pray for me and others as I have zero retirement at this time. I’m even willing to go back to school. I’m also trying to go through a temp agency just to get “back into the workforce”.

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Wow that's amazing effort on ur part Angelfaith. 👍 job.

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I'm now in the same boat, my mom just went into a nursing home last month, almost two months now, and it's hard . REALLY HARD.... Doing care giving for so long, that when it finally stops... you don't know what to do . Ive slowly been cleaning up the house, donating clothes, and other things to the Good Will, throwing out garbage and old things in the house we haven't used in years...
No one talks about it, but once the life of a care giver ends... weather the person the care giver was caring for dies or goes into long term care, there is no longer a sense of normalcy .... It all just stops... and the care giver is left hanging, picking up the pieces of there life . It's lonely . I tried reaching out to old friends, family friends... and honestly , I am starting to give up... I don't know when I'll go back to college or when I'll find work... but no one talks about what a care giver gives up.... they simply give up there life in a way... and no one wants to talk about it or admit to it... I pray one day , I have a sense of normal... but for right now..I'm just taking it day by day ...Learning as I go, how to redo my life, now that I no longer care for my mom.

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Update your resume and when given to a prospective employer, tell them at interview what you have been doing in between the times of employment. Attempt to gain employment with a facility that deals with geriatrics or the background in which you have been doing for the past 20 years and they will be a little more understanding of what you have been faced with rather than a facility that has no idea how it is to be attached to caring for loved ones for so long.

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Yes, it's hard to get back into workforce.
I hope u don't mind my saying that u shouldn't use your own money to pay any of dad's bills.
Instead, cud u tolerate taking some courses toward updating your skills?
Otherwise there are (short) certificate programs that can teach u a new skill, & they claim to find u a job afterwards. (But investigate them well).
At 40ish, u & ur brother shud invest ur money in urselves, (& not dad's bills), cuz sooner or later you'll need that dental work we all dread...(like my crowns that cost me 3k in one year). Hope it works out 4u & ur family. ✌.

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Just write it out ... very much like a mother going back to work after being a stay at home mom - as your mom has passed away & step dad is going to AL you shouldn't wait too long -

If anyone with initials behind their name [dr, priest, social worker etc] was in regular contact with you as you did this for them then ask if they would be willing to write you a letter stating that you were indeed doing this for X years - this means you are a caring person & many might like to work with you rather than another who is hard to get along with

When my son was looking for a job I made him put down that when he was 15 he got the 'most sportsman' award & he held a job for 13 months before he was 16 - all those meant he was easy to get along with & he was a 'stayer' - any employer will see that you were loyal & a stayer too! - good luck in a new job

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First off, moecam, Tiger88, debbiesdaz, Mikuhatsune01, Angelfaith4u, tacy022, AT1234, MelissaPA2AZ, Llamalover47, Riley2166, Invisible, NancyIS, TekkieChikk, rebausa, cetude, cdulac, staceyb2, tacy022, gladimhere, Countrymouse, tothill, MargaretMcKen, polarbear and Mel2159
I thank all of you for taking the time reply to my question. I truly appreciate all the wonderful advice being offered and shared and I apologize for not responding sooner. Unfortunately, the issues with my father have gotten worse, he was sent home, had a psychotic break and was sent back to the hospital. After today, I'm not sure me or my brother could ever approach a situation where we could bring him home again. It's far beyond with what we can deal with, thus, we're trying to double down on getting back into the work force, ASAP. I don't have much in a way of people to network with, from my old job, since we've moved to a new state after a disaster. The only people we could look to for references, other than the doctors our dad was seeing, but we'll definitely submit our old resumes to Monster, Indeed, or Zip Recruiter along with asking around town. As for what type of job we're looking for, though we did it for so long, I don't think I could go back to care-giving as a career. For now, just a stable 9 to 5 to cover our bills and any medical expenses we occur is all we're focusing on before trying to learn to drive and other pursuits.

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I guess this is a dumb question, but how do you go back to work... living your own life after being a caregiver for so long?

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