Me and my brother have been caring for our parents for nearly 20 years. My mom passed away about 12 years ago and my step-dad has gone to a memory care after showing signs of dementia and being admitted to the hospital. He's only in transitional care while he does rehab, but I honestly don't think we could go back to living together--not only do we not have the resources to care for him properly, but with us both just in our forties we have a host of medical issues (dental, vision, possible hernias from lifting people and heavy loads daily) we need to deal with after years neglecting our health. Dad has insurance, even if it's Medicare and we're fine with paying the difference on his bills, for long as he's cared for. As for us, obviously we'll try to work if we can, but how do former caregivers go about explaining decades of unemployment? Should we use those years as experience on a resume? Talking with my nieces and nephews, all I see and hear is how you need years of experience just for entry-level jobs. Unfortunately we have no relatives nearby to lean on while we recover, so I know we can't relax just because the load of caring for dad is temporary off our shoulders.
I thank all of you for taking the time reply to my question. I truly appreciate all the wonderful advice being offered and shared and I apologize for not responding sooner. Unfortunately, the issues with my father have gotten worse, he was sent home, had a psychotic break and was sent back to the hospital. After today, I'm not sure me or my brother could ever approach a situation where we could bring him home again. It's far beyond with what we can deal with, thus, we're trying to double down on getting back into the work force, ASAP. I don't have much in a way of people to network with, from my old job, since we've moved to a new state after a disaster. The only people we could look to for references, other than the doctors our dad was seeing, but we'll definitely submit our old resumes to Monster, Indeed, or Zip Recruiter along with asking around town. As for what type of job we're looking for, though we did it for so long, I don't think I could go back to care-giving as a career. For now, just a stable 9 to 5 to cover our bills and any medical expenses we occur is all we're focusing on before trying to learn to drive and other pursuits.
If anyone with initials behind their name [dr, priest, social worker etc] was in regular contact with you as you did this for them then ask if they would be willing to write you a letter stating that you were indeed doing this for X years - this means you are a caring person & many might like to work with you rather than another who is hard to get along with
When my son was looking for a job I made him put down that when he was 15 he got the 'most sportsman' award & he held a job for 13 months before he was 16 - all those meant he was easy to get along with & he was a 'stayer' - any employer will see that you were loyal & a stayer too! - good luck in a new job
I hope u don't mind my saying that u shouldn't use your own money to pay any of dad's bills.
Instead, cud u tolerate taking some courses toward updating your skills?
Otherwise there are (short) certificate programs that can teach u a new skill, & they claim to find u a job afterwards. (But investigate them well).
At 40ish, u & ur brother shud invest ur money in urselves, (& not dad's bills), cuz sooner or later you'll need that dental work we all dread...(like my crowns that cost me 3k in one year). Hope it works out 4u & ur family. ✌.
No one talks about it, but once the life of a care giver ends... weather the person the care giver was caring for dies or goes into long term care, there is no longer a sense of normalcy .... It all just stops... and the care giver is left hanging, picking up the pieces of there life . It's lonely . I tried reaching out to old friends, family friends... and honestly , I am starting to give up... I don't know when I'll go back to college or when I'll find work... but no one talks about what a care giver gives up.... they simply give up there life in a way... and no one wants to talk about it or admit to it... I pray one day , I have a sense of normal... but for right now..I'm just taking it day by day ...Learning as I go, how to redo my life, now that I no longer care for my mom.
(&I'm guilty too, ...cuz I wish I'd stop spending money on my adult kids, lol).
You might want to start looking for appropriate jobs by creating a free account with any of the big job search sites, like Monster, Indeed, or Zip Recruiter. Even in my little rural corner of the world the economy is on an upswing and there are a lot of entry level jobs in a variety of fields (I subscribe to Indeed.com and get daily emails about jobs in my area... you can customize what jobs you want to see, too, so you only get notices about jobs that you would qualify for; and you can create an online resume so you can easily apply).
Good luck to you :)
Cdulac. Can u comment on whether employers treat senior applicants any differently? I mean, what do they think about hiring seniors?
Thank u.
Caregivers basically live off the income of the person they care for, and when they die, that means of support is severed. It's a kind of odd living arrangement where the caregiver and patient need each other to survive.
You do have to plan your life even as a caregiver since they won't be around forever and the bills just keep on coming in!
Age 40's you really are still VERY YOUNG.
I'm 60 years old. I went back to college in my early 50's. If I can do it..anybody can.
Good Luck!
https://health.usnews.com/health-care/for-better/articles/returning-to-the-workforce-after-caregiving
That aside, you and brother should not even try to pay facility costs for dad. He should pay himself with his resources. If resources are limited, then dad needs to get on long term care Medicaid. Check with your Area Agency on Aging for any services they may be able to refer you to for dad.
I don't know if this is true for you as well, but I found that another serious problem was deciding what I actually wanted to do, and I dithered and faffed about for far too long. But time pressed on, I was hired on the 28th August, and if I can persuade an employer to take a risk on me then anyone can! I haven't worked for a company since 1989, everything I've done has been either freelance or caregiving-related.
Volunteering is a very good way to let other people see how you function and build up a track record; this is important, because as caregivers we tend to become isolated and when we're asked for references or evidence we're stuck.
Another way to network is through training or vocational education - are you near any colleges that might offer relevant courses?
I should be careful about not letting the youngsters discourage you. For one thing, the old Catch-22 that "you can't get a job without experience, and you can't get experience without a job" has been a complaint for as long as I can remember, and yet people do, don't they, start work all the time. And for another, you're not looking for the same type of beginning for the same reasons: you, with life experience and real responsibility under your belt, are a completely different proposition as a candidate.
I feed feral cats, have for 4.5 years, that translates into works well independently.
Problem solving
Working long hours
cooking and cleaning etc.
Go to you local employment centre and ask for a resume building workshop. Look into volunteer activities to help you fill out your resume.
I am the volunteer coordinator at a Tax Clinic. I have given 3 of the volunteers references this year. I have not had requests for references from the other volunteers yet, but I would be happy to provide them.
With no current experience, you might need to take an entry level job, or even volunteer for a short period of time to get experience. Once you get your foot in the door, you can build on it and move up in jobs. Or you can go to a vocational school for a career training. Usually, it takes about a year or so for the training. Once you have a certificate, it's easier to find jobs.
Keep looking and you will find. Remember, when one door closes, another will open. And keep a positive attitude.
Good luck.