Only one person attended my mom's memorial service. I kept in touch with these people & although I was away from the job for almost 5 months there were never any issues... A collection for me was not made. Not even a mass card or sympathy card. I was not looking for anything but a little support. I'm sad.. I have very little family and am now alone. Am I overreacting?
When my mom passed in August, I did not receive ONE CARD from any of her friends. I think we, as a society, need to rethink how we treat others in their times of need. We all need to keep on caring and showing others love and compassion. Too many “hurt people hurt people,” but as my counselor always says, “yes, but they don’t have to.” Would they want done to them what they did to us? Of course not! My mom was the person who sent sympathy cards, made people meals in their times of need and showed support to her friends and family! It angers me that they can’t do the same, but I hope to turn that anger into action and help other people in need moving forward.
I have received more prayers, love and light this past year from people I thought I didn’t know very well- even perfect strangers!!! During this whole ordeal my sister and I both got COVID. She almost died from it. There were people who came out of the woodwork and showed their support more than close family and friends. This whole experience has opened my eyes and heart and has me rethinking about my current tribe.
I wish you peace and healing through your grief and pray that you find people in your life you deserve and will embrace and treat you well, both at work and in your personal life!
I have to agree that unless I am a good friend or relative I would not attend during COVID. And Mass Cards, as a Protestant I had no idea what they were until a Catholic Aunt died and a Catholic friend sent me one.
I really cannot tell you why ur being treated the way ur. But if it keeps up I may find another job. Over the 40 yrs I held down jobs, not one friendship was kept out of those jobs.
As dementia doesn't have a known period in which someone is going to die it is hard to send a card which may be inappropriate, and with so many covid deaths maybe they have decided not to send cards to anyone currently.
A call from HR to see how you were doing would have been nice, but may have been seen as chasing up on you so making a choice on that is difficult from that end.
You have kept in touch with people, so it is not as though you have had no contact with them, and you have had opportunity to make it clear to anyone in particular that you would like them to attend mother's memorial. Whilst numbers are limited for these events and people are therefore not inviting themselves.
IF you consider people you work with as friends I would take your closest one aside during a break time and tell them how you are feeling. People often do not know how to behave towards a bereaved person, and whilst it is a very sad and individual time for you the pandemic is making death much more matter of fact. Friends will not mind you saying how you feel (without criticising them), work colleagues may just not be close enough to worry about the lives of those they work alongside and then go home from. If you are not close to those you work with, maybe now is a good time for a change that would also enable you to go forward in a positive way.
I have worked for companies (not the whole company but the department) that have sent a collective sympathy card to a fellow worker; I've worked for companies (departments that sent a sympathy/get well card and taken up a collection); I've also worked for a company that that did none of those things. Did where you work previously send sympathy cards and take up collections, if not then you shouldn't expect that now. Only one place I worked did several co-workers attend the funeral when a work colleague lost a parent, but we as a group would have get togethers and socialized often. Unless a coworker was a personal friend, I would not attend their parent's funeral. I would let them know when the returned to work that I was sorry for their loss and was glad to see them again. Do your co-workers know why you were on leave? Just food for thought.
I may be going against the flow here, but I do think that you may be over-reacting. The important bit for me is your comment that you are ‘being treated very differently’. In what way? How is the current treatment hurting you? Many people of our age have lost parents, and many people have been badly affected by fear, loss, poverty and loneliness in the last year. Is it possible that you are expecting special treatment that doesn’t fit well with other people, especially now?
In my experience, attending the funeral of a work colleague’s parent would be quite unusual unless there was a personal connection with the parent. I have never heard of a ‘collection’ for the work colleague, and wonder why you would expect it. Sympathy card possibly, but more likely a brief comment of personal sympathy.
If you feel that you are ‘being treated very differently’, it would be a good idea to look at your own behavior and expectations to see why they may be reacting badly.
Does your place of work usually celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and passing of family members? If so, they probably saw your leave of absence as "permanent" and thought any farewell as the obligation. If not, the business is following their usual practice.
Did you inform your co-workers of the funeral? They might not have attended since they did not know your mom. People should remember that memorial services are for the living to find closure.
Suggest you move forward in your life at work. Also suggest you join a grief group, like GriefShare, to process your feelings and life without your mom.
Some people consider their coworkers family, but some coworkers don't. I don't think you're overreacting at all for over the lack of acknowledgment, but on the other hand, people these days tend to be less likely to reach out to coworkers than they once were. It's really sad to see this happen to you, especially at this time of your life.
As others have said, surround yourself with supportive friends, and I guess you don't look to your coworkers to be more than coworkers now. That said, it would be a kindness for you to set the example for the future of organizing a card to be signed when others lose loved ones. You know now how it feels to be forgotten, and you can show your coworkers the kindness they neglected to show you.
Condolences on the loss of your mom. I know it hurts.
So sorry for your loss. 🌹
During and as it will be after the Pandemic, some people have, by necessity, turned their own thoughts to themselves. There is still quite an adjustment going on in every household, just to get by. Coworkers were likely overwhelmed.
What a nice thing to do by the one person attending your Mom's memorial service! The news and fake news were ripe with reports about when, if, what, where, we could go or not go. I thought ALL memorial services were cancelled.
If you want to bring people at work closer together, start a newsletter, and include Birthdays, anniversaries, and memorials. Authored by the coworkers, not the company. People will appreciate the gesture. imo.
My deepest condolences over the loss of your beloved mom. I hope you're able to get some healing with time and support from a group outside of your workplace. Wishing you all the best
I don't think you're being overly sensitive. I think you might be more the victim of "pandemic fatigue". It's been nothing but bad news after bad news, I think people start to become inured to it after a while; it almost becomes a survival tactic. Of course, that doesn't make you feel any better, but I don't think it was meant personally to hurt your feelings.
I hope you can find a good support system to help you get through the next few months as you start to navigate a new normal. I know how hard it is to lose a mom - I lost mine last October - but I can promise you that in time it will get easier. Please, if you find you need more support than you're getting, seek out a grief support group to help, they can be the angels you need to help you get through.
(((hugs)))
Thirty years ago, I lost my brother unexpectedly, and took off work for 2 weeks or so. When I returned, my co-workers had signed a card and taken up a collection of about $700, which was 2+ weeks salary! I was so touched and grateful. This also happened with co-workers where I live now, when my father passed away in the mid-90s.
Five or six years ago, a co-worker who moved to a different state lost her sister unexpectedly. I was able to get her mailing address and sent her a card and some money. She was so amazed! I wonder if people just don't do that any more?
Thinking of you.
I suppose that there could be several reasons why they weren’t attentive. Sometimes, people don’t know what to say. They feel awkward and decide not to say anything which is sad for you.
Or perhaps they haven’t loss anyone close to them and they don’t even understand the grief process themselves.
They may not be religious so they don’t see the importance of other’s beliefs.
The very least they could have done was to buy a sympathy card and have everyone sign it. I am sorry that they did not show common courtesy by doing this.
You can have a Mass said for the deceased at any time. I do this and many others do too. Accept that your co workers did not do it but please do it yourself.
I wish you peace during this difficult time of grief.
Know that your mom is at peace and she would want you to be at peace.
Take care. I will say a prayer for you and your mom’s soul. I will also light a candle for each of you.