My mother has dementia and had to move in with me. She is still able to make decisions about her finances. I take a portion of her ss for household expenses. I documented how much more it costs her being here. Is this ok to do like for instance more groceries eating out etc.?
It is also necessary to document the extra she costs you, and what you take from her ss in case of future need for medicaid.
Good luck. This is a hard journey..
In my case I cover all her expenses now in my "rent". I am not POA, and because there was a trust involved and then I had to get mom on Medicaid, I had to get a lawyer involved. Long story, but the lawyer drew up a basic lease agreement and my brother, who is one of two POA`s signed it. That lease was sent into the pooled trust with Medicaid and they send me a check every month for rent from mom's spend down account in this trust.
I don't know what state you are in, but you can usually get a free consultation with an elder attorney and ask the question. I'm not a lawyer, but it would seem every state would look at it as a landlord/tenant situation. Please act on it soon, better to have all the right documents in place as early in the process as possible. Good luck. Take care of yourself too.
For trips out, birthday presents, personal items: you could keep a petty cash book for her and file receipts in it. Again, it's a matter of being able to show that you're managing her money safely for her - not that you're doing anything wrong, just that you need to be able to prove that you're not in case anyone wants to know.
So when I became CareGiver with my Dad - I had 7 years of receipts and no one questioned, "where did the money go?"
"Someone" suggested to my Dad that I was stealing from him. God Bless him, he told "someone," everything I have is hers. She can't steal what is already hers. :)
When he passed, everything that was left was divided equally as he had wanted.
I never did work out what had so offended the note-leaver.
FYI - I spend $2347.87 [$1760.90 US] per month for my mom in nursing home which includes private room[they provide hospital bed], food, laundry, nursing [she's diabetic etc], housekeeping, physio & recreation - meds are extra but most are paid by government so last year I paid just under $200.00 [$150.00 US] - total for year was $21,280.80 US [tax deductable too!] excluding clothes & new wheelchairs etc
You guys gobsmack me with having to bend over backwards to not pay anything that seems justified as living expenses because you're running scared about what these people are going to okay - are there no clear guidelines? - everyone says 'but what happens if ', 'she may be denied', 'if', 'may', 'perhaps' - go find out from those who know & get all your information from official sources -
Otherwise you are impoverishing yourself supplimenting your mom & what will happen to you? - can you charge for your labour? .. probably not but ask because even 2 hours a day will add up & there is no way that's all you'll be working - otherwise the nursing home will be getting money that you deserved long ago because you were too scared to ask the right people & I bet they won't give it back when you find out what you should be entitled to all along
GET THE CORRECT INFORMATION FROM THE RIGHT PEOPLE - go in person, get the person's name, employee # & as much documentation as you can - I'd put my cell phone on audio record to be able to show who gave you what information [& DON'T TELL THEM YOU'RE DOING IT] - then if they try to change something you have proof of what you were told & when - maybe do it 2 times to be sure they are saying same thing but use different office to get a different person & if they say the same thing you will know BUT IF DIFFERENT insist on clarification
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