My mom has been in a nursing home for over 4 years. I feel we have "dumped" her there. While she needed time to recover from a hospital stay I feel she is ready to be in my home. My huband does not want her to live with us. Im also afraid because my mom needs help with everything. She is incontinemt, in s wheelchair 100%, and has dementia. It scares me that I'm just feeling guilty and not thinking clearly. That her needs are too great and for her to live with us would be a mistake. It is so painful to accept that my mom is in a nursing home. Any advices?
I know it must be exhausting for all of MIL's stimulation to be arranged by you and/or hubby. If she does not have dementia give her the ultimatum that either she finds some activities or she needs to go to a senior facility. She is 94 and I am sure that she needs help. Does she need assistance with medication or a shower? If you need time away that hubby isn't able to do and she needs monitoring then get an agency caregiver in so you both have breaks.
My main question to you is why, if she only has hearing loss, did she move in with you. If you want that to change, the sooner the better. There may be senior communities near you that would allow her to participate in activities so she can start to make friends.
Her hygiene is bad? What do you mean? Most elderly do not bathe daily usually just once or twice a week.
I don't think I'd present the Adult Day Program as an option. It is something she has to do in order to interact with other adults and for you to have some time to yourselves.
We also tried the senior center. Its location wasn't practical for us and they had no transportation. But through the senior center my husband got hooked up with a senior bowling league, which he loved, that met once a week all year round.
Leave no stone unturned in finding stimulation for MIL outside of your home!