His kids have just taken him with no explanation. And they won't let me even see him with a civil stand by.
From what I've read they can't do that. He still has rights to friends and family. And the agent is abusing their power. Plus they have been on a lot of vacations lately. How do I find out wat the POA says?
And don't get me wrong. If staying down is the best for him then I'm all for it. But there are too many things that don't add up to me. First off. Why didn't talk to me ? Like I said I've always encouraged the kids to visit, because they never did and was backing them up to their dad . They don't even know him at all , and when they do come to visit they never visited w him. They talked to each other. Only the youngest son ever came up and stay over nite in the last year.
The principle also has a brain injury from an accident at 21, and basic has no short term memory but is function able it almost fits the dementia symptoms w no violence. And he's always been that way , they told the officer he has dementia so I couldn't see him. And because he's been told wat to do for years and he doesn't think he has any rights. He will just go along w whatever they tell him.
when I was allowed to talk to him one time back in the beginning they told him wat to say and that was it .
The fact of the way they took him is screwy. In his best interest is not to come up first thing and swoop him away so fast he didn't even get his cigs and lighter . And they weren't gonna say a word to anybody about it , not even me . If it weren't for another lady that also live ).
and walked up on them leaveing with his safe ! That's the only way we know was them. If they were concerned about him they would've al least talked to him
If you knew the lawyer who drafted the POA, that individual would not be able to help you either (attorney-client privilege).
The only recourse is to challenge the POA legally by filing suit. Was it fraudulently obtained? Does the man still have capacity? Probably not. Your friend likely gave power of attorney to his child. Most people do. This type of suit also is not advisable because the children will turn on you more, and your eventual expenses and emotional anguish could be insurmountable.
I knew a wealthy man who had a wonderful, loving, happy second marriage that lasted many years. His wife was wonderful— appreciated, welcomed by his children. Once he grew sick and elderly and his adult child got POA, that child used the power to legally divorce the stunned wife. The wife was asked to move out after a short time. Unfortunately, since she was not on the deed, she had no legal rights. The POA child did not even allow the heartbroken wife to visit her heartbroken husband at the facility. All for money. The root of all evil.
Once a POA is exercised, that individual has complete and total control. All they need is medical proof of incapacity to defend this change. Their judgment and decision-making completely and totally legally replaces that of your friend. It’s important to make sure your own POA is not given to someone who you don’t fully trust.
Gently call the POA and say, “I’ll be coming through town and I’d like to drop by with a card for my friend.” Don’t be surprised if they tell you no. If they do let you visit, it likely will be supervised.
I’m sorry.
And it was deceased wife ( their mother ) that decided the poa . She passed in 1989 and alone ever since except a couple other care givers and myself .
Another twist to the story is that about 4-5 yrs ago I had friend of mine( 20 yrs)help me with yard and maintenance and she moved on the property with the kids approval and through they haven't asked her to leave , so she still living there and she speaks to the person that his son has living in my friends house . I do get a little inside info as to what's going on but not much help tho .but again thank you. I'll let you know how it turns out . God bless
ps in my county a poa can be recorded by the county if it has real estate involved. But by choice ,it doesn't have to be tho .just an FYI
Now this what I have done since I last chatted w you ...
I called APS in this county and they said to call APS in the county he was in . So I did. And it seems that they had been pre warned about me recently ( there was already file on it ) , after he had me on hold a couple times ,he came back with ( he didn't know my name yet) "they have the right to do that " and mentioned something about his medical records being new and he already new that I hadn't seen them and he can't tell me anything. And wouldn't anyway the way he was talking to me . Like I was the bad guy and he didn't even hear anything from me about anything yet..!!
So arent these people supposed to be nuetral at least until they have heard both sides . Maybe I hAve a legimate request or complaint .
How heartless are these people to do all this to their father ( me too of course. )
Him and I have been best friends for years and years it seems , but to take him completely out of his 30 yr old routine ,away from everything he's known for 30 years , and away from everybody he cares about and has known .
Without asking , no warning , and no good byes ... now no matter wat that is wrong . At least make the transition a little easier on him.
( The heck w me and why they seem to be mad at me) wat about him !!!
They flustered me , in case you can't tell. Lol.
Now I can handle all the medical stuff and if he is truly that bad ( I know he's starting to forget more and all that. ) Then I would be more than supportive . But they never gave that a chance. Just went In like he's been privilgded to be let stay there that long. When they don't have clue who he is. .
Now he will go back to being the grumpy old man who nobody likes!!! Again ! ( That's how he was wen I met him. ).
Its so sad 😢. And it's not fair. To him above anyone else .
So I pray . I write to him but I don't think he gets them .
So my last move is to call this county APS again. Tomorrow and tell them wat happened ( as nuetral as possible lol ) and see wat they have to say.
Wat do you think ?
My now deceased uncles third wife was diagnosed with AZ, a couple of years after the diagnosis her daughter took her for “lunch” one day and kept her. He had to go to court, both of them had to meet with councillors to prove he wasn’t abusive and she was then under the supervision of the state from then on. She was returned to him as they were still in love as decided by the councillors and that he wasn’t abusive. He passed before she did. it’s ironic that her children ended using up her money on court and state fees from the illegal actions the daughter took.
She has posted before about the same thing and had responses.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/after-over-15-yrs-taking-care-of-a-75-yr-old-man-his-kids-took-him-without-asking-because-they-have--447918.htm
The thing is. What this sounds like to me is that your friends' kids had become increasingly worried about him, were too far away to do anything much for him, and decided to intervene. Not before time, one might think, but there it is.
The way they went about it was to go round you. They have presented you with a fait accompli. I can only guess at their reasons, but the one that would make obvious sense is that they wanted to avoid confrontation. So they didn't consult you or involve you, they just went right ahead. And now they have an upset man on their hands, and they see you as potentially making that worse. They are keeping you at arm's length with the aim of getting him to settle in and adjust to a different way of life.
If that does make sense to you and you'd agree that it's a possibility, then they have shown no consideration or concern for you whatsoever. And while that sucks from your and your kids' point of view, it is also true that you and your family are not their problem. No, they don't care about you. They had one priority and that's all they've taken into account.
Being hurt and angry would be natural, but it will get you nowhere.
What you want is to re-establish communication with your friend, so that you can continue to offer him support and love, yes? Can you do that if he remains in a facility in the care of his children?
As long as you are prepared to accept the major change to his living situation, it should be possible to negotiate contact. Do you have access to a lawyer or mediator or anyone who can help you with this?
He is not going to be coming back. I know it seems unfair, and I agree that you and your family have done a great deal to support him; but despite all of that the family will have no difficulty whatever in presenting his living situation as being unsafe, and claiming the right to direct his care from now on. You're not going to win that battle. Holes in the roof? Unsafe wiring? The car caught fire? Unexplained injury? These things were in no way your fault, I'm sure of that, but you can see for yourself what it would look like in court.
Your friend has a right to be listened to. I don't know whether he is considered legally competent or not, do you know? If he is, then technically he is in charge of decisions about where he lives; but that doesn't mean he is up to a verbal fight about it. If he is not, then his DPOA or his guardian takes charge; but your friend *still* has the right to have his wishes taken into account.
So. You need professional advice, and you want to focus on two goals:
1. Ensuring that your friend's rights are being protected, about which you can raise legitimate concerns and demand enquiry into them.
2. Contact with your friend, in whatever way also safeguards his best interests.
You have to forget your grievances with the family's behaviour; and you have to forget how hurt and bereft you feel. Look forward, and focus on what happens next.
Mind you - the money for the car insurance should be straightforward. Are you claiming 50% of the payout? Have you actually asked for it?
They have even told me we were family and that they trusted me for years.
I think it'snot just confrontation that they are avoiding . It's the fact they if I talked to him and ask if he wants to go home to up here. He can say yes and leave. There not even considering his feelings or anything. He's not in a facility he is in their home which is his first house and is still his. . he sits in the window staring outside . The way his son. Talks to him is like a child. . these people are heartless .. ( my opinion )
As for me I'll fill. U in. I dont care about the money. But he was a big part of my income ..actually it has opened a big opportunity for me with my other job. I think they think that's all I want. When I feel they are doing this for the money.
I would like to see a copy of the poa to see wat the stipulations are.
His wife had all this done before she passed. But out of all the things I've read on poas they have to consider his best interest is his mental state too ? Right ?
You are right about a few things but them caring about him more than money or hurting me ..no. I think they want to hurt me more ....because it started wen I told them they were wrong for expecting me to leave him cold for 3 weeks until they decided to come up . I wasnt rude I just said that since we have been fine for years w out their help but it s all fixed and ty if that is wat set this whole thing in motion . I'm sorry somethings need to be said.
All I really want is to see his face and talk to him. Again he's been my best friend for years. And I can't imagine how he feels. .
Just a not.e They thanked me five years ago for "softening " him up so hedoesnt cuss them out when they come up to see him.
He also thinks they just want his money. Ive always said " no, they love you. ". But now I wonder if he inst right .
I was ready to let things go. but so.ething is telling he needs my voice and I just want to talk to him which is his right .that why the civil stand by. I was trying to be fair to them so they didn't think I was taking him. But no they won't t even let him K ow I was there. Yes I know his lawyer . I also know his sister and. Cousin and they both talked to him and me and say he's happier here .. so
It seems probable that you have had some kind of label stuck on you. From the point of view of the APS people in your friend's county, as long as he is safe they just don't have the time or the authority to stop and think independently about what you're trying to tell them.
If you ring them and try to stay neutral and you succeed in keeping your cool, they will be polite and they will brush you aside.
If you ring them and lose it, because they're brushing you aside, they will be confirmed in their prejudices and they will probably refuse to take your calls.
You can't win that way.
But what you can do is: write down an account of events, keeping as far as possible to dates, facts, numbers. Then go and get advice from a pro bono lawyer or a citizen's counsellor - you can look for information about services like these at your local library or online.
Somebody who knows the system and understands how the processes work can advise you on getting a formal enquiry registered. And more to the point, they can also advise you on your own next moves, too - how are you managing with work and your home and the other things that were going on?