I'm resigning as my Mom's POA. Mom has Middle stages Alzheimers. I'm in Florida, and an only child. She has no friends or anyone in the family who would agree to take this on. This is affecting my health (anxiety, vertigo for starters), affecting my personal life, and all for an emotionally abusive Mother that was never there for me anyway. Does anyone have experience on the other side of this? Like once you were taken off as POA, how did you feel? Did things get easier? Did you stay in touch with the parent, etc? I'm in tears everyday (not at all like me..), my Mom is behaving horribly, but only around me. I think it's called "pushing my buttons"....
I got her to a safe place in an ALF 2 years ago. I want to now resign as POA and let a state appointed guardian take over and do what she needs.
You could hire, on mom's dime. a geriatric care manager to handle the day-to-day with minimal involvement on your part.
she isn’t happy Now anyway, even though she has the best room in the ALF and a daughter “delivery service”.. She’s miserable no matter what is done for her, so my life with her has been a losing battle. I’m exhausted from a lifetime of this, her expecting that I will do everything for her to keep her from having a “meltdown”..
they will know what is best for her condition, and maybe they will be able to do more for her than I could.
All you need to do to resign is do a resignation letter. No attorney required. A simple as of date, I will no longer be the DPOA for name. Date, sign and send. That is it.
I bet if you read the entire document there is some clause about no longer being the POA.
You have done the best you can, it is okay to walk away and have a life free from her hatefulness. This is her choice, she could have been decent to you. You are nobody's scratching post.
It does get easier to not be the solution, especially when you fill your time with loving, appreciative people. You will wonder why you waited so long.
Go have a beautiful life and mourn the loss of the mother you never had.
my concern has been that she will blame me if she is placed in a shared room Medicaid NH.
but I was going to have to put her there in about a year anyway, due to finances. So I was really only delaying the rage from her that I will no doubt receive no matter what I do..
Being made to feel guilty for being born is a huge weight to put on a child and an adult..
when you’re raised by this you come to somehow think it’s normal for a Mom to treat you this way. Until you see what a normal mother daughter relationship should look like, then you’re just left feeling empty and cheated of the life you deserved.
You can remain as poa, handle her finances etc but there’s no earthly reason to go visit or speak with her. And tell the facility to not even call you unless is a REALLY important issue. Like start hospice or something.
I dealt with my angry mom from three states away. Saw her every 2 or 3 months. Phone call once a month. Texted or called staff once or twice a week to keep tabs on mom and dad.
Wishing you peace and happiness.
just don’t feel I am able to make best decisions for her in her current stage of Alzheimer’s either, so hoping an appointed State guardian can help her further. I’m just done....
i think that’s where this will get tricky. It turns into a court thing and the state having to declare her incompetent. Didn’t know all this when I signed on...
I agree with the person who suggested you continue to have POA with no contact. Handing her over to the state should be an absolutely last resort.
any contact with her the past 10 years has been stressful.
i need for this farce to stop, all I’m doing is keeping Moms fantasy alive, thinking there’s nothing wrong, while I work hard behind the scenes to keep her life status quo. She needs a stranger to manage her, she can’t manipulate them as easily.
she won’t be able to hide the disease any longer. I hope she gets the meds and the other things she needs. She currently refuses any facility help.
The issue with State Guardianship is that they have thousands of patients. Your Mother just adds one more. You would still be No Contact, unless you wanted to visit and/or call.
So, Maybe it’s more a question of do you want to cut off contact with your Mother? It sounds like you certainly are entitled to. But you can do that whether you are POA or not.
I hope this helped clarify things a bit :)
a lot of emotions coming up along the way.
much healing to be done....
thanks for asking.
another reason for court appointed guardian.
i originally had to talk her into My being Her POA 6 years ago. I did it only as she was making poor decisions Even then, that were affecting her home, her health and her finances. I saw that train coming and jumped in to get her to a safe place. My hope is that eventually we can be friends, though we never have been..