Is it normal as a caregiver to become frustrated or impatient? I ask my Dad not to move certain things, and he tries to tell me he knows better. As soon as I leave, he ends up eventually moving it may it be right away or the next day. I become frustrated and repeat myself to him, and then I get the cold shoulder, or he walks away. Today I asked him not to walk away while I talked to him and mention how you would like it if someone walked away while you spoke to them and that it was rude. He stopped and listen, but now I feel so utterly guilty for visibly showing my frustration and repeating myself. I always end up apologizing, and it seems he plays on my emotions. I always end up feeling guilty.
Maybe stop being his full-time caregiver. Bring in some outside hired help if possible to take some of the burden off of you. A lot of the time the senior is reluctant or downright refuses outside help. The threat of either work with the help or you go into a nursing home usually works pretty well getting them on board with new help. Good luck.
skin and perhaps your Dad will start to show some respect. Stop apologizing for being human. Does he apologize to you for hurting your feelings. I am 81 years old, been married for 51 years, and I feel so much hate for my mother even though she has been gone for over 20 years. But I sleep like a baby with absolutely no guilt where she is concerned. Please, please save your self from experiencing what I did. Start now, today. You are no longer the child in this relationship!!!
“Guilt” is SO USELESS. It doesn’t help us do better or even do something differently. It just SITS there, pinching and kicking us, while our LOs keep doing what THEY DO, seeming not to feel guilty themselves, at all.
Let it go, and if you’re doing the best you can with the concern you feel for him, don’t bother to ruminate on it.
Can you simplify, or organize or put away or fasten down what he moves that you don’t want moved, so that the issue doesn’t become a guilt producer?
Whatever the situation is, if you can maneuver it before you wind up having to confront him, it’s a win-win for you.
Mom is 92, has dementia and she drives me batty at times. The hardest for me to overcome was her incontinence (I'm still struggling). She pulls her pullups down as soon as she gets in the bathroom and dribbles from the door to the commode. Or she will insist she doesn't need to go to the bathroom and unless I can distract her, she will sit there and not go, insisting she doesn't have to go until she gets up and starts dribbling or sometimes she gets her pants up before she wets them. But in this case, I have it better than you because I know where to look, lol. And when I get aggravated (she's almost deaf, even with her hearing aids, so I have to raise my voice for her to hear) she says "yes, mama, I'm sorry" really contritely. It's cute and brings me back to reality that she isn't behaving badly on purpose.
When your Dad moves things, you probably don't know where he put them. And maybe he even tells you he didn't move it and you must have (another of Mom's lines).
Practice self-compassion. If your friend were in your position, would you berate her for the anger/impatience she feels or would you tell her it's natural to feel that way when she's under so much stress all the time?
I hope finding a safe place to vent, where you won't be judged and you will be understood (meaning this forum) will help. It sure helps me.
Prayers for you and your Dad.
On the other hand, if your father is acting rude and walking away while you are speaking to him, in my mind, it's perfectly fine for you to call him out on it! Setting down boundaries with someone is necessary, otherwise they can wind up walking all over you until you DO!
Good luck!