My brother was appointed POA for finances and Healthcare because he is the oldest and my father did not realize what it fully meant. I have been the only one in the family that cared for my mother until she passed and currently for my father. My brother has wanted him to go in to a ILF with home caregivers for a long time so that I would not live with him. My father spent a few days in the hospital and had a doctor deem him incapacitated even though my father is not. He put him in the ILF and it is costing my father thousands and thousands a month. He even is paying for a private caregiver even though he knows I will be with my father the whole time. My father is not aware of how much of his money is being spent. He also would rather live with me. Now my brother is seeking guardianship but I would like to fight it .... is it worth it?
If it is about money, it may not be worth it. If it is about bad blood between you and your brother, it is definitely not worth it, unless it was so bad that brother won't even let you visit or be involved. BUT - if it is about your Dad not getting the care he ought to have, or not having his realistic preferences and wishes respected, it may be. You will have to live with what you decide and it can be a very tough call even when it is not this complicated.
Do you know or have any idea what your brother's motives and thoughts might be here?
I have not been a guardian or conservator (G/C)but have been executrix for 2 aunts and spent more time in probate court than I ever knew it could be. Probate court is also where G/C's are heard and here are my thoughts on doing a G/C:
- it will cost probably between 7K - 15 K and you really need an attorney too. All the costs you have to be able to pay on your own. If you are successful in getting G/C, you will be reimbursed for it but only if you become the G/C. Attorney has to be paid no matter what the outcome too.
- G/C has reporting requirements that are very time specific. If you cannot do the reporting & documentation as required, you best not even applying to be G/C
- you better have a pretty spotless record yourself & everybody in your household. The court probably will run a credit report on you & your spouse to determine if you are fit financially to be responsible. If you have kids and they have any kind of juvee record you can forget being named a G/C. If your spouse or you have any kind of priors, you are pretty well toast on being a G/C too. You have to be able to show you provide 100% for all of your own support and have a job or a secure retirement too. If there is caregiving involved, then some sort of training or verifiable experience to be a caregiver. All theses things done to ensure the G/C is suitable, because the court has a whole list of vetted guardians who have the training that the state wants in a G/C that the judge can & will appoint if family has anything sketchy in their history. There likely will be a paralegal or two in the court waiting for their attorney to get the nod from the judge to be appointed too.
If there is family infighting in court, the judge will appoint a temporary guardian from the vetted list. Probate judges rule their court and are the smartest & best looking person in the room (even if they look like Jabba the Hutt), and you have to be able to present yourself well and be aware of the judges being the authority.If there is raised words, family will be left to work out their differences and then go back to court to show they can work together or the temporary G/C will be made the permanent G/C. Judge takes no truck in his or her courtroom.
It would seem that if he was trying to hold on to your father's money to preserve the inheritance for himself, then he would NOT be willing to spend the money for your father's care, and would want you to care for your father in your home...for free.
If your dad is being well cared for now...no it's not.
In order for your brother to have evoked the rights of POA and MPOA your dad would have had to be diagnosed with some form of Dementia or Mental disorder in order to say he was incapable of making decisions about his health on his own.
So I have a question for you. Did your mom have dementia?
The reason I ask is maybe you don't know the signs of dementia or how it appears.
A lot of the time a person with dementia may come off not having it, or seem totally capable but really is not and maybe you don't know that is what is going on.
I have an Aunt that has never seen it before and even though my mom was showing obvious signs of it, was in total denial and refused to believe it was the case for over a year after mom was finally diagnosed.
At any rate you have some really good advise here and I hope you are able to make a choice you can live with and will not be a negative to your father.
I actually think that the best starting point would be to get his medical records...for the record, the Dr's generally speaking are not corrupt and their diagnosis is likely good, but you could ask for a second opinion and have your dad go see another set of Dr's...try talking to your brother to have this done so that you are both satisfied with the outcome.
Just some thoughts. Good Luck and I hope you will find some peace with all of it.
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