Is it worth it to fight for guardianship of a parent?

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Is it worth it to fight for guardianship of a parent?

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My brother was appointed POA for finances and Healthcare because he is the oldest and my father did not realize what it fully meant. I have been the only one in the family that cared for my mother until she passed and currently for my father. My brother has wanted him to go in to a ILF with home caregivers for a long time so that I would not live with him. My father spent a few days in the hospital and had a doctor deem him incapacitated even though my father is not. He put him in the ILF and it is costing my father thousands and thousands a month. He even is paying for a private caregiver even though he knows I will be with my father the whole time. My father is not aware of how much of his money is being spent. He also would rather live with me. Now my brother is seeking guardianship but I would like to fight it .... is it worth it?

Elder Law

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Don't ever file for guardianship. Court loves to appoint State Guardians which will neglect and abuse. They will drain the money with Billing. But the worst part is that you will watch her elderly loved one decline rapidly. State-appointed Guardians have nothing to lose and your loved one is just the file to them. It will cost you thousands. Do what you have to do but do not file for Guardian

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First, normally you have to have two Dr.'s agree that your Dad is incapable of making his own decisions. I would speak to an Elder Law Attorney about this. Secondly, Country Mouse is correct, if your brother is POA, why does he want/need Guardianship? None of this makes any sense. Elder Law Attorneys can best answer any legal questions you may have.

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IF there is a POA then I wouldn't think a guardianship would be required. Guardianship will take away all of your father's rights. I would speak with a legal aid attorney (or other attorney) about the situation. What does your father's primary care physician say about his mental condition? Why do you feel he is capable of making complex decisions? Why does your brother think he needs to be in a facility? When there are several children, the POA that has been appointed can and does make decision the others do not like. Sounds like a family meeting would be a good idea. This way everyone can have a say and decisions can be understood etc. I know family conflict can often be difficult to deal with, but I find if everyone gets together to discuss the issue, it helps understanding of each others thoughts about the situation.

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Fighting it will only makes things worse. Your best bet is coming to an agreement with your brother and it will benefit all of you including your Dad. That's what matters first off. is your Dad's care. God Bless.

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Adult children fighting over their parent's care.... step back and realize it's a fight, first and foremost. It's two people fighting over something they both think is important. In other words, what needs to happen here is primarily about conflict resolution, and only secondarily about eldercare. Why are you fighting? We who are reading your story don't know, and you don't know either. As a professional mediator I can say that with certainty because the two parties never know. They just make assumptions about each other and then, inspired by the assumptions they made, do stuff that causes themselves and everyone around them unnecessary misery. Before you start paying lawyers a lot of money to fight, pay a family mediator a little money to make the fight unnecessary. If you can take an attitude of curiosity rather than defensiveness, and set yourself the goal of giving your father not only good care but also an intact collaborative family around him, you might even be able to do it yourselves.

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Well unless you have a medical degree and can prove your father is NOT incapacitated, then it would be in your best interest to trust that your father is. Whether or not you want to fight for him with your brother only you can decide, but your father will die with dementia, so you had better weigh what this fight will cost you financially, emotionally and physically. I fought my four siblings, but in the end mother died and although I am a nurse, I just prolonged her death about 9 months. My siblings and I no longer speak.

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Do what it takes to guardianship, POA, etc. to protect you dad. Don't listen to anybody.

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Just a point about my Aunt...my mom was diagnosed originally in Canada by a psychiatrist, so she was not convinced.

It took a second opinion by one of the top Neurologists in USA and after we had the 3D MRI that my Aunt couldn't say it was the Dr's incompetence.

I'm not saying your doing this but I just wanted you to know that a second opinion would likely be a good idea before you start spending a ton of money on a legal battle..

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The Question "Is it worth it to fight for guardianship of a parent?"

If your dad is being well cared for now...no it's not.

In order for your brother to have evoked the rights of POA and MPOA your dad would have had to be diagnosed with some form of Dementia or Mental disorder in order to say he was incapable of making decisions about his health on his own.

So I have a question for you. Did your mom have dementia?

The reason I ask is maybe you don't know the signs of dementia or how it appears.

A lot of the time a person with dementia may come off not having it, or seem totally capable but really is not and maybe you don't know that is what is going on.

I have an Aunt that has never seen it before and even though my mom was showing obvious signs of it, was in total denial and refused to believe it was the case for over a year after mom was finally diagnosed.

At any rate you have some really good advise here and I hope you are able to make a choice you can live with and will not be a negative to your father.

I actually think that the best starting point would be to get his medical records...for the record, the Dr's generally speaking are not corrupt and their diagnosis is likely good, but you could ask for a second opinion and have your dad go see another set of Dr's...try talking to your brother to have this done so that you are both satisfied with the outcome.

Just some thoughts. Good Luck and I hope you will find some peace with all of it.

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Keep it out of the courts, if at all possible !!!! No one will like the out come. That I can promise you !!!

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If your brother has POA , why does he want a guardianship ? And Yes you can fight it,but you will need a attorney and tons of money will start flying out (your father will be the one who pays for all attorney and court fees)Yours and your brothers. Also your father could very easily end up with court appointed personal and financial gaurdians. then he pays them monthly for the rest of his life and you or your brother have any say in anything ....Try talking to your brother and make sure he knows what he's getting all of you into. I'm dealing with a court fin. guardian now and it's a joke, only because my sister wanted to be in charge but didn't want to be the caregiver :( I got to be his personal guardain and she was his POA I sure wished she had thought long and hard before she went to the courts !!!

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Fight it. My brothers asked for guardianship and wanted to put Mom in a nursing home. I got an elder care attny who helped tremendously. Long story short, we were able to settle out of court. The bank takes care of the money and i take care of Mom and her health. The court appointed attny came to interview Mom and agreed with the dr that Mom was not competent to take care of herself, and also recommended to the court that she wanted to live the rest of her life in her own home and wanted me to take care of her. Oh, and we are in Indiana.

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I have been fighting to enforce my Durable POA and my Health Care Preneed document in the Probate Courts for over a year now, and have come up with, not one, but two corrupt judges who now even refuse to listen to my newest attorney( out of five that I have had), and I have spent over $89,000.00 dollars from my personal life savings, in the legal fees to bring my husband back home, where he was happy and healthy, and I have nothing to show for it! The fraudulently appointed guardian (by the first judge) has taken my husband with false allegations of "imminent danger" (due to a water blister on his skin,) put my husband in a nursing home, where he has been abused, neglected, and now after months of nursing home abuse, he is almost dying, and to further his abuse, the "guardian" now has now even prevented me from visiting, since the last time I was there I had to call the police to investigate the last injury, a laceration to his eye, with black and blue and six steri strips on it! The guardian got angry that I called the Police, so he retaliated by stating that was "harassment and abuse to the nurses", got an order for me not visit, was granted just like that, just based on hearsay, with no witnesses nor any proof for his lies! The guardian and his attorney have made over $350,000.00 dollars from my husbands finances in the last several months and they are fighting to the end, not to give up this easy cushy exploitation! My husband is so debilitated that he may be dying, and if I try to visit him, I will be arrested...And my lawyer says she cannot do anything, or she says..., and i suffer in agony each day not knowing where to turn, I have called every agency in the state, and they say they will investigate and nothing happens to stop this abusive situation.
cannot do anything, to stop this abuse, or so she states. based on this false fabricated statement.

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Your profile does not show where you or your dad live. Many of the answers I've seen may apply somewhere, but in TN and MS you don't get guardianship of adults at all. You ask for conservatorship. Conservatorship gives the conservator responsibility and authority for the physical and financial care of the elder. All previous POA's and such are revolked. It is possible to ask for one conservator of the physical and a separate one of the finances, but the court will demand they work together. (Not a good idea, if it can be prevented.)

Be objectively honest with yourself. Of course, he 'wants' to live with you, but is it really best for him? Was he able to see everyone in the family freely and frequently or was there some kind of tension that kept others away? Was your dad's care the best it could be when he was living with you? Did he have falls? Was he hygiene manageable? Did he have access to the stove and set of the fire alarm frequently? Was the house clean? Was he being taken advantage of financially by anyone?

I had to seek conservatorship for my mom because the answer to all the above questions had negative results for her. My sister kept saying that mom wants this and that. And I know very well what mom would want and while it includes dying in her own home, it never included people seeing her home or herself neglected and that includes self neglect.

I hate that she can't live in her own home, and that its costs so much for her to live in a really nice place. She wanted to leave money to her children. But there may not be anything left by the time she goes. But she's healthy and safe where she is.

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Maybe I am missing your point here. What is your brother doing for your father, that is so wrong?
It would seem that if he was trying to hold on to your father's money to preserve the inheritance for himself, then he would NOT be willing to spend the money for your father's care, and would want you to care for your father in your home...for free.

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Get an Elder Care attorney, have him request the documentation regarding your dad's health status. Have you seen your dad's actual medical records stating he's not competent? Also request his financial records, bills that have been paid, record of income and his bank account history since the brother has been in his finances. For you Guardianship without POA or preferably DPOA is financial ruin to say the least. You have all the burden of caregiving and nothing to back it up really. The brother would be in charge of what dad does with his income, ie; whether you get reimbursed for any of dad's expenses you pay for. It could be all the spending your brother is doing, is spending down to Medicaid. Still don't recommend that if anyone is capable of taking care of a parent.

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If you have been the father's primary caregiver, I would contact an elder care lawyer for advice. If your care of the father was proper and the doctor thought the father was well cared for while you both lived together, get a letter from him(the doctor) documenting that fact.

I would see if the doctor would find your father could remain home with home health aides and your caregiving. If that is equal to or superior to the placement he is currently in. Then make sure your father understands he has the option of remaining home with help.

Ask the lawyer how your father can revoke one or the other power he gave to your brother. Generally, it would be better to have one person handling the finances and one handling the health care decisions as it is a full load to be handling both--providing the children handling each can work together and have dad's best interests at heart. If that isn't the case with your brother, see if you can get the Durable POA and the advanced health directive.

It appears your brother resents your living with your father. If that is an issue, see if that can be adjusted so he abandons that as an issue. Having an adult child in the home watching the paid home health aides and assisting in the direct care is generally a positive, otherwise your father is isolated from the family for most of each day with caregivers.

Good luck.

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Sorry, this doesn't quite make sense. If your brother has POA for finances and healthcare, and your father has been declared incompetent and/so can't revoke the Power of Attorney, why would your brother be seeking guardianship? What for?

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You need an elder care attorney and a full understanding of a guardianship

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Igloo is right, potential Guardians are fingerprinted, background checked and credit checked. I went through it. AND the parent must be mentally incapacitated, as determined by the court psychiatrist. Opinions of family members hold no water for the Surrogate Court Judge. Should you and your father object to brother's appointment, the Judge will simply appoint an independent third party that NOBODY likes. Contested guardianship proceedings can get ugly and expensive. Come to agreement or the Judge will, in effect, punish you both.

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Vstefans has given you most excellent advice, please read & re-read!

I have not been a guardian or conservator (G/C)but have been executrix for 2 aunts and spent more time in probate court than I ever knew it could be. Probate court is also where G/C's are heard and here are my thoughts on doing a G/C:
- it will cost probably between 7K - 15 K and you really need an attorney too. All the costs you have to be able to pay on your own. If you are successful in getting G/C, you will be reimbursed for it but only if you become the G/C. Attorney has to be paid no matter what the outcome too.
- G/C has reporting requirements that are very time specific. If you cannot do the reporting & documentation as required, you best not even applying to be G/C
- you better have a pretty spotless record yourself & everybody in your household. The court probably will run a credit report on you & your spouse to determine if you are fit financially to be responsible. If you have kids and they have any kind of juvee record you can forget being named a G/C. If your spouse or you have any kind of priors, you are pretty well toast on being a G/C too. You have to be able to show you provide 100% for all of your own support and have a job or a secure retirement too. If there is caregiving involved, then some sort of training or verifiable experience to be a caregiver. All theses things done to ensure the G/C is suitable, because the court has a whole list of vetted guardians who have the training that the state wants in a G/C that the judge can & will appoint if family has anything sketchy in their history. There likely will be a paralegal or two in the court waiting for their attorney to get the nod from the judge to be appointed too.

If there is family infighting in court, the judge will appoint a temporary guardian from the vetted list. Probate judges rule their court and are the smartest & best looking person in the room (even if they look like Jabba the Hutt), and you have to be able to present yourself well and be aware of the judges being the authority.If there is raised words, family will be left to work out their differences and then go back to court to show they can work together or the temporary G/C will be made the permanent G/C. Judge takes no truck in his or her courtroom.

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Well, this one is a bag of worms. First, if you think Dad is not incapacitated, and he really isn't, you can't reasonably be asking for a guardianship, nor can you validly contest the POA document. You can CONTEST the guardianship, along with your dad, if he wants to and you are really sure there is no objective evidence that he is incapacitated. You will need an eldercare attorney and medical records will be reviewed.

If it is about money, it may not be worth it. If it is about bad blood between you and your brother, it is definitely not worth it, unless it was so bad that brother won't even let you visit or be involved. BUT - if it is about your Dad not getting the care he ought to have, or not having his realistic preferences and wishes respected, it may be. You will have to live with what you decide and it can be a very tough call even when it is not this complicated.

Do you know or have any idea what your brother's motives and thoughts might be here?

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Is it worth it to fight for guardianship of a parent?

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