As an old Vet, I have seen many deaths and the horror always comes back to me. If a loved one is dying is it wrong not to go visit if they know longer know you? When my wife's aunt died, (who I loved very much) all I can remember is her lying in her casket. This has haunted me all my life. Today I do not want to see someone on their death bed or see them in an open casket.
I had to watch my mother die, I was horrified. She had left instructions NOT to have and open casket, but my sisters ignored her wishes. I was furious.
I did her memorial service and only spoke of the good parts of her life, as though she had never died. That is how I want to remember loved ones, as though they have simply gone away.
How you deal with the loss of your Mother, Spouse, child, best friend is a personal expression of how you felt at that moment and how you think/thought they would want you to express yourself.
How one deals with death is greatly determined how they dealt with that persons life and your own. My Husband Loved the Chicago Cubs. When he died and a family member said..xxxx and I are going shopping for suits for xxxx and xxx since I had asked them to be pallbearers I said No suits. I wanted everyone to wear Cubs Jerseys or T-Shirts and jeans. My husband disliked suits and I had said for years he would be buried in either a Cubs shirt, a Bears shirt or a plaid flannel. He was laid to rest with a Cubs Jersey and Cap.
So do not let anyone tell you how you should or should not mourn or express yourself at a service. (short of getting drunk and being an idiot of course)