I've done just about everything to counteract the stress I've been going through, mostly due to the 'personalities' involved in my family. While trying to be the 'good' one in the family to care for my mother, it's been an uphill battle being in the middle of family members. This has been so stressful for me and for my aging mother (which makes me more stressed). How does one (really) cope (all cliché's aside and after counseling, etc. ) with all this family 'drama' when in reality, someone has to step up to care of a parent (in or out of AL)?
We have so much control over the stress in our lives. It helps to write about it and hear the soothing remarks of others who understand. We can always walk away from it if it gets too bad. And we can find ways to self soothe. Some people do it by trying to understand and forgive. Others use exercise or music. Each person is different, but we all have the ability to soothe ourselves. I like coming up with mantras, like Feel the fear and do it anyway, This too shall pass, or That is just how they are. They are heartening to me. (Exercise and socializing are excellent for me, too. I'm just about to go do these things.)
Do you know what, they are not going to change.
So what I did was learn to protect myself and get in a place where I was less susceptible to the drama and more able to handle the stress, which we carers do seem built to cope with.
The issues we face will not go away, but we can make ourselves stronger and less vulnerable to that awful feeling of overwhelment.
My doctor recommended hypnotherapy and meditation/practicing mindfulness.
And boy it is like giving your soul a hot stome massage!! I was cynical, and took me a bit of shopping around to find one I like, but I find Bob Griswold's Youtube sessions lovely. (There are loads on there, all free, try a few to find one that suits you.
Bob's are 10 min sections, but I also do a longer session every now and then.
I have a nice little app on my iphone for practicing Mindfulness... 'Mindfulness Daily', but I am sure Youtube has Minfulness clips freely available.
Look after yourself. Go for walks somewhere pretty, and accept things and people that you cannot change, once I did this I did seem to get less wound up. And my most dramatic brother seems to be less troublesome (maybe because I am less defensive and let him say his nonsense without reaction. I do think he'd often contact me expecting a fight. When I chilled out and didn't get frustrated he actually mellowed a bit. (Still p's me off, but I try to pause and smile now instead of getting annoyed.
(I don't think I'll ever be the Dalai Lama, but I'm less cranky after meditating/hypnosis. Friends have said I'm less 'brittle'.
Give it a go!
But I do not think that is what you had in mind. You probably need some personal rest time. Hope you get it.
I can only speak from experience.
I am an R.N.; my husband has solvent dementia & is just 64. I am the only care giver & because after the death of my daughter's he kept saying it was," too much drama " & I called it death, I moved out & now live next to him in the guest house. In the last 6 years I have lost my oldest sister; both of my daughter's at age 39, 15 months apart, my closest friend & minister & here I sit.
Loose the word drama & see it as it is ...LIFE.
I pray a lot & see things differently. Gosh, how the world changed when I changed.
I now find joy in what I do & so very much compassion. I did not realize that I was so lacking in compassion!
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