I've done just about everything to counteract the stress I've been going through, mostly due to the 'personalities' involved in my family. While trying to be the 'good' one in the family to care for my mother, it's been an uphill battle being in the middle of family members. This has been so stressful for me and for my aging mother (which makes me more stressed). How does one (really) cope (all cliché's aside and after counseling, etc. ) with all this family 'drama' when in reality, someone has to step up to care of a parent (in or out of AL)?
I haven't been the same since, despite walking away from the stressful job. But to be fair it's been worse with mum and dad since last July.
Sadly I know the only end to this is going to be their death. Then I can see if there is any of the old me I can resuccitate.
Awful seeing my mum like this. She'd hate it.
Switzerland have the right idea.
But she's a sweetheart.
Handling dad is harder than dealing with Putin!
(At this point I know 99% of us are laughing hysterically at the idea of 8 hours uninterrupted sleep, I know... but God it makes a difference.
Big hugs xxx
I can only speak from experience.
I am an R.N.; my husband has solvent dementia & is just 64. I am the only care giver & because after the death of my daughter's he kept saying it was," too much drama " & I called it death, I moved out & now live next to him in the guest house. In the last 6 years I have lost my oldest sister; both of my daughter's at age 39, 15 months apart, my closest friend & minister & here I sit.
Loose the word drama & see it as it is ...LIFE.
I pray a lot & see things differently. Gosh, how the world changed when I changed.
I now find joy in what I do & so very much compassion. I did not realize that I was so lacking in compassion!
When you say you feel electricity going through your body? I totally understood. When I get an anxiety attack from the circumstantial stressors around me, my face feels hot, and I feel "electric" tingles that go from the top of my head right down into my limbs. Anxiety is known to give a "pins and needles" effect. It's completely normal. What I have been doing is taking deep breaths, praying, and trying my BEST to create a positive atmosphere by keeping the peace (even if they're all #*%&ing crazy. Just remain calm, silent and level-headed. I went into a deep depression this past month, kind of waking up from it, but it's still 'there'. Watch out for the dreaded depressive episodes after the heightened anxiety.
Sending positive thoughts your way… I totally get it.
Oh my, wonder if there is a fear of caregiving? There is gerontophobia, fear of getting old.
Home is me by myself. Ahhhhhhhhh. Turn on Pandora and the New Age peace music. Focus on creating dinner, correspondence for my business, planning tomorrow's shoot. She floats away from my mind as I focus on my own things. Peace comes back. I am whole, until the next visit.
I have contact with my brother but expect nothing of him. I don't begrudge him for his lack of concern. I actually admire him for being able to walk way from our dysfunctional family years ago and refer to him as the "smart one". I have accepted this cross and bare it myself. My choice, my burden. Compassion I get from my God and my husband. It is sufficient for me.
I do think "carer's have too much empathy"... I totally agree with you about limiting web-time and people-time. Even with people who are not 'caregivers', I wonder how they can spend most of the day on the web... I don't think it's healthy... In any case, I feel better after conversing today. Thank you everyone. May your heart, body and soul be filled with happiness and peace. :)
I was able to sneak in a quick vacation while she was in rehab and my awesome oldest daughter did her laundry for her (I was doing it till I left) while I was gone. It was great, but I had to come home :(
It would be wonderful if there were more resources for those of us with family who don't really need to go to a nursing home, yet needed more help at home than can be provided by family. We have nothing here, I live in a very small country town. There was a senior social group that had started but it failed before it began!
youngestofsix, I too watched the videos! They are great! Much needed!
If I didn't have Youtube I think I'd be in the news for throttling mum's useless lazy lying consultant, and a particularly rude Staff Nurse who, whenever I warn them mum is asking for a bedpan/ has already exploded, looks at me like I've asked her to wax my bikini line!
On my way back from hospital today I repeated to myself that it was perfectly OK to feel what I was feeling (am doing it again now cos I'm getting 'the swollen tingle' feeling in my head just thinking about it;) - and it's really odd how it makes the angst dissipate and I can park it so it doesn't consume me.
I love this site, but I get empathy stress sometimes reading people's situations. Do you think carer's have too much empathy? I soak up other people's pain. (Need to limit webtime ;)
Be kind to yourselves fellow carers.
We aren't robots, it's OK to feel how we feel :)
Won't be forever.
Hug' em while you can! (When they let you ;)
But I do not think that is what you had in mind. You probably need some personal rest time. Hope you get it.
I have 8 living siblings and all are drama filled. When they start asking questions (about once a year) I get upset and the adrenaline starts to rush and I feel like all my nerves are on edge. My family is extremely toxic and I try to avoid them as much as possible. They don't help me with my mom so why should I stay in contact with them? I have one sister who calls my mom twice a month. The rest don't call at all. If they do I simply hand the phone over to mom and avoid them.
When it comes to what they will get when mom passes away, that is when you can get their attention. Otherwise, silence.
I went to a naturopath and she gave me some supplements with SaME and 5HTP in them. They have helped. To help with sleep I take NaturalCalm which is a magnesium supplement. It helps to calm me before retiring for the night.
I wish I could tell you that exercising helps but I don't have time to get any in so I can't help you there.
I feel badly for you and understand the unbelievable stress you are going through. You must try to get some kind of help for your mom so you don't get ill... Is there some kind of caregiver's organization near you that can help guide you along? How about the Volunteers of America? or contact the city (311?)you near by... keep calling around. You are Blessed to have your beautiful daughters. Try and force yourself (like many of us here) to get some help! Stay on this site... Blessings.
My brother, who lives 1500 miles away was no help. He would tell me what I should be doing but never did anything to really help. I work full time and take care of her animals and mine plus our 5 acres. She is not always the easiest person to get along with, she hates my daughters, although they have done nothing but try to help her. My youngest was there when she fell last year and broke her ribs, she is the one who held her and calmed her down and told me that her ribs were broken before the EMT's got there. So, it is just me. I am stressed beyond belief and although it makes me feel bad, I am also bitter.
After coming home from the nursing home, my mom went to my brother's for his baby's first birthday. He refused to set up her meds. He told me that I had to call her doc and tell them to get a nurse at his house the next day. I told him I didn't think that was possible and when she came home I had NO nurse to help me set up her 15 or so different medications. I had to read the directions and get them ready for her then try to make sure she took them, which meant calling from work too. He got mad and told me he was sorry for bothering me when I am so busy...he would call and have HIS insurance have a nurse come out. Yeah, that didn't happen. They couldn't get someone out the next day! He thinks it is so easy, but it is very difficult!
So sorry to hijack the thread. I feel for everyone who is going this alone!
Mindfulness: Lovely quick 2 part session, 10 mins each: http://youtu.be/YW-TDOgstSE (I make sure I have loose comfy clothes on and sit in my comfy chair wrapped in a blankie and generally can't help but totally zen out to this guy's vouce!
Use headphones if you are in a place with background noise)
Lovely 40 minute 'body scan' Mindfulness session.. if you ever get that long to yourself ;)
http://youtu.be/_vN3wkatdts
Destress hypnotherapy session: http://youtu.be/Xz-KDXWsepI
Nice relaxing destress music: http://youtu.be/hEU0enP2xSU