My mom has really bad mobility and balance issues. She uses a walker and I believe will soon be in a wheelchair. She’s had every test possible and the doctors really don’t have any answers except results from her sedentary and lifelong smoking lifestyle. Anyway, a few friends at the AL have asked her, “What’s wrong with you? “Why can’t you walk?” It’s always in a baffled way. These friends are 10 to 15 yrs older than my mom. I’ve also had a daughter of a resident ask me why my mom is so disabled. Her mom is 97 and uses a walker but can walk without it occasionally. I guess because my mom looks young but she is 81.
I don’t know how to answer this question.
And, strangers also approach me and tell me about their knee surgeries. Sometimes they joke about how hard it is to get in and out of a car when they see me struggling and offer to help.
A very strange phenomenon. They are always pleasant and kind, and I am nice back to them. But, it's weird. So yeah - people are gonna do that for some reason. I usually say something light and positive back to them and smile, because I know they don't mean any harm. I think they're just trying to be friendly.
It makes the person asking the question justify their reason for asking. Frequently they can't.and will drop it. It may be awkward but worth a shot. I've tried it and it worked for intrusive questions.
If the answer is "I'm just curious." You can choose to answer or say something like "Well, if you're just curious." And change the subject without answering a curiosity question.
As far as people being critical of her balance, that is curious in a population that is beset with the problem themselves. At 80, without consistency in balance exercises I, at 150# tend to float like a butterfly on the buses.
Go google "balance and the brain". You will have a lot more information to work with. There are many balance exercises posted as well, and they DO help, but can be dangerous to start without therapists directing in the beginning. Balance problems, don't you know!
Thankfully she seems to like most of the folks at her AL....at least for now.
Child-like / Elder-like
"What's wrong with her/him?"
I remeber being so embarresed when my young son asked "Why is that man sitting in that chair? Does he have legs?"
The man heard, waved us over & had an honest chat at my son's understanding level. He said "Yes he had legs but they didn't work anymore". (I can't remeber the reason). He also said he loved having a chair with wheels so he could go places - and go FAST.
As we left I apologized. He said he enjoyed talking to curious children. They saw him as a man sitting down, not a 'disabled man'. He liked enlightening them that differences are ok.
I digress. But just take those rude people at face value. They are like curious children. Yes probably some are the nosy or competetive, but some probably fearful. Eg Will my legs stop working too?
I've heard people simply say "Bad back" to why they walk so slow, or don't walk.
This sentence gave me an "ah ha" moment as Oprah likes to say. What a fundamentally different way of seeing a person. It sees the person and not the thing they are lacking.