My clients want to overstep my caregiving role and try to make me into a confidant and buddy. I work with a lady who is so needy. There are a lot of aspects to her personality that I don't quite get, not being a counselor, but she wants more from me than I am comfortable giving. Basically I've been hired to make sure she is never alone, that she gets her meds and that she is safe. She needs constant assurance that she is liked. I feel sorry for her but sometimes I feel like she is trying to swallow me whole. Interestingly a lot of my clients are so desperate for a friend, maybe I'm being just to friendly and they are taking me the wrong way. Any ideas?
Try to set up a list of diversions when the conversation turns to this...
Find a task to do with her...sort laundry, read a book out loud, listen to a song, point to a bird, flower or tree outside and ask her questions. Have some games (jenga, chinese checkers) or a puzzle. Turn the TV on to a wildlife/history or travel program. If you can't divert her use the telephone - call someone in her family she can talk to. I rotate family and friends on a daily/weekly basis.
"When you finish for the day and you return home at night, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested."
There is nothing wrong with forming a bond with this lady and it can be done with boundaries. Become her confidant but there's no need for you to share anything with her, in fact you shouldn't. Be her friend but that friendship can only go one way if you want to maintain a professional distance. So many of our elderly folks are very needy so let her need you. You are there for her and there's nothing wrong with allowing her to get close to you. That's what makes a good aide. I am a nurse who works in home healthcare for an agency and we have numerous aides who have had a positive impact on the families they work for. Working in healthcare may not be a good fit if you're uncomfortable with people getting close to you. If you feel like someone is swallowing you whole maybe find something else in healthcare that might be more comfortable for you. When I visit patient's homes I am devoured (continuing your metaphor). Families have lists of items they want to speak to me about, often their loved one (my patient) sits there having no idea what's being said and the aide also has concerns that need to be addressed usually in private. And this is when I'm barely over the threshold! I too do in-home work, usually for well-off patients who can afford my fee and I know how you feel. But going above and beyond is what makes what we do so great. I want our families to call the office and say, "Mary was so great, she did _________ with my mom and mom loved it. We want Mary back!" That's the kind of caregiver I want to employ. Be special! Let this lady get close to you. It's not like she's a part of your life, she's a client. And for the hours that you're there you can make her life so much nicer.
But if you are uncomfortable with this you shouldn't be in the home. Not every client is a good match for every aide and this continues to be a problem for you don't be too hard on yourself and maybe discuss it with your supervisor. We have aides with all kinds of reasons for not working with specific clients and we try to work with them and find them cases that they're comfortable with and I would hope that an aide would come to me and tell me that they're uncomfortable with a patient and tell me why so I can better staff that patient next time.
I don't think you're doing anything wrong but if you have it in you, you can be doing so much more for this lady if you want to be a Super Aide.
One of the things that I gave "gold stars" for at the residential care home my mother stayed at recently was that they understood this need for reserve immediately. They were friendly, but they didn't start in with her as though she were a close relative in need of a good old heart-to-heart. They called her by her title and surname until she told them otherwise. They allowed her privacy to help her get her bearings - no one hugged her, or patted her hand, or did any of the things that would have made her curl up and die inside.
I suppose some people thirst for company and conversation, and others are very wary. With this lady who's all over you like a rash, I don't think you ought to fake friendly feelings, even if it were possible; but do sympathise with her. She's clearly lonely, and I agree with many that alleviating loneliness is one of the most important things a professional caregiver can do.
I also take LadeeM's point that you are NOT a surrogate child. I can imagine some families do let that idea creep in - after all, they're paying a caregiver so that they don't have to watch their parent themselves, in a way, aren't they - but that really is unfair. And would they feel the same if the parent suddenly decided you deserved an inheritance, as "surrogate daughter"? - no, didn't think so!
You are there to ensure your client is safe, has her care needs met, and feels comfortable having you around her: be as politely clear about that as you need to be. If you're with her for a significant period of time, and get to know her, that's good and you may find that you begin to develop genuine feelings of affection for her. But they're not part of the care package, and you're not under contract to love her.
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