I have a complicated situation. I am now in charge of my father's care and a disabled sister. I have power of Attorney over both of them now. My Dad is suffering from Dementia. So I was not able to get him to revise his will to his wishes. Both my parents were taken advantage of when they were both in a vulnerable state. (Car accident and stroke)One of my sister's in a 4 year period took all their savings and cash out of their accounts in a sneeky way (automatic Debit) and persuaded my mother to pay her bills for her. and even buy her a car. By the time my mother passed away (I believe from the stress of not being able to pay their own bills) They were $500. and $600. under on their accounts. Both thier savings were depleated and my father at the time of my mother's death didn't even have money to buy food. He says he knew this was going on but was unable to do anything about it because he didn't want to upset my Mom. He says he doesn't want to give my sister anymore of his money from his estate since she got everything else. To add to the drama I have another sister that refused to help with him and has said she will not be part of the family anymore and just wants to know when he dies. I have been left alone to take care of him and my disabled sister. I only want to do whats best for them. But I also don't want to see my unhelpful sisters profit from abandoning the family. I have just recently placed my father in Rehab and it looks like he may have to stay. I was wondering if I can sell his property to help him and my sister out with thier care and use some to help with my own housing situation and not be obligate to save anything to give to the two that have disowned the family? I know if my father had had more time to work on a new will he would have cut them out completely and left me with his property so I could take care of my disabled sister. But before his Dementia got the better of him he was convenced to just do a basic will and was planning on fixing it later with more details. What I want to do is I guess sneeky also but I don't want anything left to fight over with my siblings when he dies. So am I obligated or legally suposed to hang onto his property to divid up after his death? or can I sell everything off and do the right thing by my Dad and sister who really need the majority of the estate anyway?
try not to stress over it. we tend to mistrust the judicial system but in my experience they arent stupid..
I was needa get this straitened out and maybe find out if there is something pending out there so I don't have that black cloud over me as well
I got enuf problems right now!!!
THanks for letting me but in!!
ive read a million case accounts from around the country and aps is meddlesome ( as they should be ) but only act in extreme cases of abuse.. ( selling moms home, forging the signatures and leaving her homeless..)
im sorry to jack your thread too bluebird but getting into juju's pants right now is more important than internet etiquette..
thanks for getting me off that rant tonite...I am just grateful but overwhelmed to find people with same experiences!! so I get passionate n open up nasty wounds lol!!!
Well I am done..off for some misuse of funds at the Chinese take out...I haven't had a decent meal in a while n I am beat! and yes I think I will throw in some chardonnay....it has been tiring purging all this crap!!!
I give you your thread back bluebird!!! and do wish you luck...I say get a good attorney no matter what!! good is my key word there!!!
But, my heart knows better and I now understand they cannot help how they feel since they have never lived with the chronic illnesses and periodic depression. I am not sure my son deserves anything but I want to give both of my boys and step daughter and step son something to remember us by. There are a lot of things I don't deserve but God is merciful and forgiving and if I want to do what is right, I cannot judge my son's thought or mind or even his actions that have caused me as much grief as a death. But, my love as his mother wants to give him whatever little we have left at the end of our good lives. He was the perfect son until his married his wife and it is them or us and I want him to be a good husband and father. He is responsible for them as I was him before he grew up. And I honestly believe he thinks he is doing what is right. I don;'t agree that he is showing any "Honor" to his parents, but it is not for me to judge or punish him. I have my own cross to bear and have made plenty mistakes. So, even our step daughter who is alienated from us, will get her 1/4th. My oldest son and step son are the only two children we can depend on but I cannot just cut the other two out. I believe it is morally wrong. It is a great example of the "Prodigal Son." But, the ones who love and help us get a share each day and those that don't are missing out and they may have a price to pay later for their actions but it will not be because I cut them out of my will. None of us are "deserving" of anything but what we work for. So, with God's Love, Forgiveness, Mercy and Grace, I too shall do the right thing. And if they want nothing from us, they can give it to their children or toss it to the wind but I refuse to cut them out. I feel like it is morally wrong. They are our children and we love them like God love us ; "Unconditionally." I hope this helps you better understand why we parents do what we think is the right thing to do. And it certainly is not worth fighting for. I know our two are not upset in the least and understand our position. And when they lay me to rest, I believe I will be the winner. I am not convinced they are happy with themselves they way they has mistreated us but, that is their problem and my conscious will be clear. It breaks my heart to see sibling fighting over a few dollar or millions for that matter. My parent has nothing to leave and it was much better that way. I have a friend who alienated her relationship with her sister over $5,000 and they both got $500,000. All over one diamond ring. How sad. And my friend spent $20,000 fighting because she deserved half of the ring but I cannot imagine losing my sister over something so worthless. It has nothing to do with money to me, it is all about love and even loving those who are not so lovable at times. I say, let it go and give your parents permission to do what they feel is right. Please don't put a guilt trip in them. That is so unfair. Does it really matter who get what? Love is much stronger and bigger than things and money. Give your parents all the love you have and it will come back to you in more ways than your inheritance. God honors those who Honor There Parents. It is the only one of the Ten Commandments that promises us something if we honor them. It promises us a "Longer Life" What more could we ask for? Let, go and let God take care of what is fair and just and none of deserve anything. I am beginning to see what some give to a charity rather than family. It can cause more grief and break up of good families. Love your brother/sister and pray they will honor their parents as you are doing. You will be blessed, that I am sure of.
Love is the best give we have and we all need to be more understanding and give our love freely and unconditionally and allow our parents to do what they feel is best. Your father may have dementia but in his heart he knows how to give his love and he has to be a very special man. Honor and show him your love and support. That is what he needs from you at this stage in his life.
My 91 year young mother is saving her money when we encourage her to spend it and enjoy it but she want something to leave us and she has given is still giving us he love and that is more than sufficient for me. She can give "my fair share" to my two brothers and it would not hurt me at all.
God Bless and I pray you can have a peace of mind over this even if you don't believe your sibling deserves anything. God will take care of the wrongs and we need to try and love unconditionally as God love us. You can go to court and fight it but I am not sure your money will last or that you will feel any better even if you you win, you will still be losing your loved ones and family who may need help rather than the ill will. And you can show you are bigger than a will or inheritance.
The only fair thing in all of this is to make sure you have enough to take care of any responsibility or debts that may be left behind before any money or anything is disbursed. And be glad for his will. If you die intestate (without a will), that is the worst thing and it takes a year to clear up and no one but the state wins!
God Bless and may everything work out for the best.
Scmoonbeam
but then I get here and read lil snippets in many diff stories n threads ( not this one, sorry) with this "misuse of fund fear" so that starts a whole new unfamiliar problem. coupled with my mistrust of the "system" gets my imagination going! I haven't been to lawyer since will change because of same reason too...they are ripoff's. I felt needed to do that change with one present and mom saying she wanted it done back then I am still on the fence about hiring new one because they are sharks!!! Anyway, food is good (jkg bout misuse there)!!
i aint reading all that, not even at gunpoint. im going to go eat dog with juju..
but no I have never seen a mussel up close, I cant get the angle right on the mirror....lol
Sunny
thanks
Luv, Juju
Thanks for the advice and words wisdom. I guess I got caught up in my Dad being angry with what my sister did. I know now that my only responsibility is to take care of him and use his estate to help him in his time of need. I will not worry about what is left over for them to fight over. I just felt bad for him and my disabled sister (who couldn't understand why two of her sister's couldn't act like adults and go to their mother's funeral.) I think they hated our Dad (and me for helping him) so much they didn't even think how not going would hurt our other sister. I have always been a very forgiving person and never let the crazy things my sisters did prevent me from trying to be nice to them. I remember talking to my Mom a few weeks before she passed away and her biggest concern was that when she went (her daughters would stop talking to each other). she knew that the other two had problems and would cary grudges and she worried no one would try to keep in touch with each other. I told her I would try but she knew they would not. I even talk to one of them around that time and told her what Mom said. And with no hesitation she said ( she's right ) which ment she was already planning on cutting me and others off. (very sad) But I know now I cant worry about them anymore and will just concentrate on the family members I have left.