She doesn’t answer me . Or if I give her a choice of going to bed or the chair she doesn’t answer . I guess she is overwhelmed with this whole thing and the fear of dying so maybe I shld just decide for her . She often also just stares and doesn’t seem to be in there . Feel like I am losing her little by little which is know is normal …
Being eligible for Hospice doesn't necessarily mean your mom is imminently dying, it just means her health is precarious enough that nobody would be surprised if she did. I encourage both you and her to continue to live as usual rather than focus on waiting to die, do go ahead and get her up and include her as much as possible, just as you did before Hospice. Also, during the last years of her life we gave my mom pain medication routinely, knowing that with her history of headaches and the degeneration of her spine, hip and knee she more than likely was always in pain.
And I would just keep her in whatever place she seems the most comfortable, whether that be her chair or her bed.
And just because your mom is under hospice care now doesn't mean that she's going to die anytime soon, My late husband was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life.
So just enjoy whatever time you may have left with her and make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid.
I wouldn't over burden her with questions. Just make open ended comments such as "Let have you sit in the chair and get the circulation moving mom" or "Doesn't the sun feel good mom". Nothing she has to answer. Don't push food. Let he sleep when she wants. Support her.
There is an old medieval expression about the dying where they say "and he turned his face to the wall" which basically means that they are leaving us. I was lifelong a nurse. And have been with many dying. And yes, they do leave us. They do turn their faces to the wall. It becomes increasingly more difficult for them to respond to us. I don't know what they are up to when they go to "that place" but I am 82, so I soon WILL.
Maybe talk to the hospice nurse and ask them if this is normal. If she had pain that she couldn't handle I'm sure you would know.
Mom actually doesn't to me sound horribly scared of dieing, she sounds like she is more at peace with it.
I suspect it's your fear of her dieing, so be careful of putting your fears out there to mom. Make your visits as peaceful as possible and just love and enjoy the little time you have left with mom.
Thinking of you,🙏😔