She wants to get my Dad, who has dementia, to go to a nursing home because she is tired of his "behavior". I agree he has bad behavior but he has his whole life. Mom has memory deficits and seems to only have very short term memory. The man she fell in love with is 9 years her junior AND has Alzheimers. He's a lovely man but I know nothing about him or his family situation. I am her POA and "mother" now. I'd love any advice on how to navigate this crazy turn of events!
This is hard for you to handle but it's not likely it will go farther than this fantasy/flirtatious stage so the only real harm it will do is if her husband understands what is happening.
Yes, this is an interesting post for sure! Keep us posted on how you are doing since you are likely the one with the biggest headaches.
Take care,
Carol
I'd actually be more worried about what your mother means by your father's "behaviour." Are you sure he isn't becoming physically abusive, or relentlessly unpleasant when he talks to her? Just because he's always been difficult doesn't mean she has to put up with anything he throws at her. Do you also have POA for him? How is he feeling?
I am interested about your statement that "all dementia behaviors are forms of attempted communication". If that were true then a person with dementia would exhibit the same type of behavior to everyone they try to communicate with. Your statement troubles me especially because this forum is a support forum for caregivers. If the person with dementia is just attempting to communicate then when they are physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally abusing their primary caregiver are we supposed to just rationalize their behavior as an attempt to communicate? When a caregiver is being wrongfully accused of stealing, withholding food and medication, of physical abuse and on and on and on what could the person with dementia be trying to communicate? All dementia behavior is not excuseable. Caregivers who give up everything for a loved one with dementia don't generally benefit by becoming even more empathetic (if that is even possible) because in the end that just ends up being more guilt they have to lug around until the end of time. We feel guilty enough when our loved one is suffering. More guilt is not helpful.
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