Follow
Share

Now, due to her stubborness, her skin is breaking down more and she had a red sore on her behind and it looks like a rash is starting to develop. I try like crazy to stay on top of all this, but her stubborness and then uglyness is hindering this. Now her uglyness is escalating as well...hitting my hot buttons for sure. I am taking a "time out" tonight and just putting space between us so I calm down and get persepective and am better able to handle. Any feedback? (Note- mom is 98 yrs. old.....) cadams

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
The red sore is definitely a problem. There are people here on the group who have dealt with pressure sores. They will probably have some good advice.

Sometimes we do have to step back. I wondered if it would be possible to hire a professional to come in to help with the pressure sore until it is healed. That would take the pressure off you to do so much.

I understand what you mean by stubborn. Some older people become half mule.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

I wonder if the stubborn attitude comes partly from being angry about having to depend on others, and feeling unwilling to surrender certain aspects of managing life? Just a thought, and it doesn't make the stubborn attitude any easier to deal with certainly!i go through the same thing with my mom who is 85! She refuses to accept her limits , drink proper amounts of fluids, etc..and she always has some justfitcation ready when we ask her about things!😊
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

I DO have one helper 2x a week but I often have to get after her to change mom at the beginning AND end of shift and I find, of late, that I am helping her with the change as she doesn't seem to want to do it. I have to remind her to cleanse the area, and then even remind her to use the skin protectorant cream. I have to talk to her supervisor.....again. Sigh!
I'm not sure why the stubborness seems to be in most every area right now. I think she is just going downhill and it is her way of holding on. I had a good talking to her tonight about her need to cooperate more. We'll see. cadams
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Cadams, if you have access to such a person, call in a continence care nurse. That sore will become an ulcer before you know it, and if your mother is playing up now just wait 'til she's got a full blown crater on her behind. I'd also be inclined to report her downturn in mood and behaviour to her GP - there could be something fixable going on, though I'm afraid you might be right about the downhill bit. Sorry she's feeling so poorly - and even sorrier that she's taking it out on you :(
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

I agree with CM. Call her doctor. I suspect she's in pain from the beginnings of a bedsore and is expressing it in her behavior.

Another poster, Xinabess, had a very similar situation a week or so ago. Many elders with dementia have difficulty expressing the fact that they are in pain.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

My Mom had always had a very sweet disposition all her life but the last few mths. I was surprised at her stubbornness when it came to showers etc. I believe as someone else has already said that it was fear of losing control of her life. I mean, can you imagine what it must feel like to be totally dependent. I imagine I'll probably be a crotchety old thing when I get to that stage.

I agree with everyone else though, definitely get that bedsore taken care of. Best of Luck to you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I DO have a doctor appt. for mom this wednesday. I had to cancel the last one as she just wasn't strong enough to make it. So I will see if I can get him to send a continence care nurse over. I hadn't heard of this, but sure would appreciate. I DID go to medical supply store today and found the Medline skin protectorant cream Phytoplex which I can use to put over her open wounds. I look forward to seeing how that works. I guess I am at a new stage with this and trying to adjust to that. Thanks sooo much for your feedback, support. cadams
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Open WOUNDS? As in more than one?

I would call the doctor this AM and describe to him/her or to the NURSE (not the receptionist) what is occurring, This might be ER worthy.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I agree with BarbB, plus "skin protectorant" sounds like prevention rather than cure, and it's a bit late for that. Get your mother seen as soon as you possibly can.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I DID have wound care nurse over today but she diagnosed mom's issue as a rash and didn't appear overly concerned. She suggested getting lotrisone, approved by her dr. when we go.
Had to re-schedule dr. appt. again due to bad storm........ I also got a gel cushion to help with the pain from sitting. Seems to help somewhat. (Note- the Phytoplex dries up sores.....)cadams
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

The red spot may be a bed sore. My father's nurse said to put destin on it and go to CVS and buy a Duoderm. It's for sores, etc. I would contact her doctor and tell him about her stubbornness and perhaps at her next appt. he/she could be very firm with her and explain the consequences of not taking care of herself. Also, contact your local elder services for help if not for her...for you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I hope that the "rash" doesn't become Shingles. That can be very painful 😖. Yeah, her stubbornness is normal and she is probably thinking "leave me alone." I find that "Grumpy Old Fart" is not a myth. 😉
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My mother is 96, now with severe dementia, blindness, and wheelchair bound. I'm the daughter in charge so I have had a lot of experience with every phase for the past 30 years (I retired and moved next door to her 10 years ago as she needed help prior to MemoryCare.) She also resisted drinking water, doing exercise, having showers, as she began her early 90's. This is definitely normal. As her dementia has increased, her attitude has improved! I sure appreciate it now because my efforts, always in her best interest, were not frequently welcomed. By 98 I would imagine Medicare could authorize frequent home visits for the sores. I also completely agree with those prior comments that there are mood elevators, etc, that help take the edge off the critical, unhappy side she has. It is certainly understandable as to why they are cranky; being in your 90's is no picnic, but with careful observation, and a willingness to monitor which mood drugs work and which ones do not work and need to be discontinued, you can come to a successful cocktail that will make THEIR life better, as well as yours. A good primary care provider (internal medicine - gerontology) that deals predominantly with the elderly CAN help tremendously with this. My mother has been on psyche medication for years, very successfully, saved her life really, and the most important part is to make sure they take the medication regularly once the successful medication has been found. It is not easy to take care of the elderly, and generally other people who have not done it has zero appreciation for what you do. The only real reward is the one you will always have in your heart. Unsung hero now....but hero later, when you know you did your best .
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

A few things we do with my mom... We have 2 alternating pressure mattress pads, one in the bed and one on the recliner. We make sure before she has high protein in her diet... This helps prevent skin break down. We change her 5-7 times a day, clean her bottom well (with warmed wipes), use barrier cream, and high end disposable briefs. We also shift her position, slightly, just a tug on the hospital pad to shift weight. We do a quick scan of her body every morning and evening. Mom doesn't like it either and changing works best when 2 of us do it. I am the bad guys who does the moving and wiping, my husband helps a bit with moving and is the good guy who talks to her and keeps her calm and watches so she doesn't blind side me with a punch when I am not looking😁. My mom is in stage 7 Alzheimer's so it may be different than your mom. Others have talked about that loss of control our LOs feel...I also look at the intrusive nature of our intimate care. It must seem like I am molesting her, over and over, day after day...I don't blame her for being combative. We try to keep her calm by telling her each step as we "freshen her up." Bless her heart, how awful it must be.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

As usual, all give good advice. Before being in a rehab facility for 4 months, my husband did nothing but sit in a Geri-chair and watch TV. The skin of his buttocks, thighs, and groin area became so degraded that when I changed him, the diapers looked like he was having a menstrual period. I tried everything OTC, but it was an ongoing problem. I was truly apprehensive when he went to the facility, that I would be reported to APS even though I had done the best I could with a stubborn and uncooperative obese man. He also has "a crater" on his behind. We doctored with that for a year with little result. Now, while in rehab, dermatologists and wound care specialists have cared for him and changed the routine, the diapers he wears (tabbed, no longer "pull ups")and used silicone creams and other medicated salves. I believe you need to take her to a wound care specialist who can examine her sores and decide how to proceed. With my husband, having had experience with my mother who was the same way, I learned that there comes a time when child becomes parent and visa versa. I've had to develop a very thick skin where hubby is concerned. I'm not nasty to him, but firm.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

In the last year my mom has become very stubborn amd keeps saying she's in charge of her own life. No matter what logical reasoning I give her, especially regarding doctor's appts., she will always have some reply to say it's all unnecessary and God's will. So I asked, why do you take 10 different meds then? She feels that she's lived this long, 91, without medical intervention and can just keep going on her merry way. When I tell her prevention is better than waiting until you have to go to the emergency room, which she's had to do twice now, she'll just shrug it off. Not to mention the stroke she had because she never once cheked her blood pressure.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I think stubbornness is pretty common at any life stage. I must admit that I've been stubborn much of my life. Anyone at any age can be stubborn.

* Stubbornness can be used for good and to keep people from walking all over you and taking advantage of you

When stubbornness is used for bad, people can find themselves not doing what's good for them, not smart to use stubborn this the wrong way
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

When mother developed a red spot on her heel, the staff requested I buy her sheepskin boots, and sheep skin mat for the bed. They worked. She is quite immobile due to late stage vascular dementia. I believe alternating pressure devices are good too. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Get her to a geriatric doctor. The skin is the largest organ on the body, so that red spot could turn into a very bad situation. 
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

RED SPOT = TROUBLE - GET HER CHECKED ASAP
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I feel your pain! my mom is 85 & screams if I shower her. so I don't do it much. I am now trying a different approach,,, a sponge bath small areas at a time. I was going to do it today but between her & my dad it was a very stressful morning. I took some time for me after their breakfast. maybe this would work for you as well. We can compare notes. I am going with a feet and leg wash followed with lotion. then the arms & hands, back. let her do her front some smell good lotion that isn't drying. I think a bottle of warm water with diluted baby soap for her to pour over herself on the commode and have her wipe herself with a clean cloth. as far as hair I get her over the sink and wash it then blow out & style. If you can get her out take her to the salon it's good to get both of you out. This stuff is so hard it wears you down for sure. Good luck and God Bless. charlie,
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter