The other day I went to Mom's (independent care, mild Dementia, Narcissistic) and she opened her closet (packed with clothes) and said I have nothing to wear. She finds fault with each article of clothing. She wants me to "drop her off" at the mall which I refuse to do. NOT SAFE. She buys beautiful tops and over and over says "I have nothing to wear. That top is not "me" anymore." So far, I just listen to her. I try to pick out 2 or 3 outfits for her before I leave. (I visit twice a week - she's well cared for - bather, nurse's aide, etc.) I just don't know what the right thing to do in this situation. I will call her doctor, however also wanted to know if anyone had ever heard of this before. Another factor, which could very well be at play, is she's had bladder infection after bladder infection this year. So it could be this behavior is temporarily appearing because of the bladder problem. The doctor just put her on another medication for the bladder problem because on Friday her culture came back positive again. Poor Mom. I want to help her however I don't think it's proper to just endlessly buy clothes because she says she has "nothing to wear". I also wondered if this was a social anxiety issue. Having nothing to wear means you can't participate in social activities. Thank you so much for your comments. I am new to this site and appreciate your advice.
So, the dementia and narcissistic personality played a huge role in this problem. I did start going to the second hand clothing stores as it was much cheaper. But, even though she had so much, she would deny it. When I took her shopping, she would buy clothes and then later didn't like them - it had become a pattern. So, I understand your frustration. And my mother couldn't afford to be doing all this shopping. The second hand store did help as I could frequently buy her different items more frequently. I tried to make her as happy as I could. Also, I would continually redirect the conversation. Thinking of you and hope you find something that works. Take care.
My mother is a hoarder. We have one whole room and several closets filled with clothes that she cannot make herself donate. Buying more clothes is not an option. What works for my mother is simply to say that we had just bought her some clothes, ask her what she is looking for, then direct her to some possibilities. My mother just needs some help with the search.
As a side note -- as many clothes as my mother has, she either wears pajamas or the same three outfits all the time. Go figure.
Can she afford more clothes?
Because of his advanced age he now really doesn't seem to care. If I see him before he's going somewhere I will say, "Dad, look at your shirt, it's got spots on it." His answer is "ah it's ok not going anywhere". Then two minuties later he's off going to the store or somewhere else, in the same spotted, stained shirt. His closet is full of nice, pressed shirts and pants. Does it really matter, YES to me it does. All I can think of is if his friends or anyone else sees him, will they think, doesn't his daughter take care of him??? I've bought him very nice button down collared shirts and nice slacks to wear. When he was working and traveling he always wanted his shirts perfectly pressed. My mother would, at the time, starch and press everything to perfection. So this is the end results of what's happening now. I guess we just have to go with the flow. :-)
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