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The other day I went to Mom's (independent care, mild Dementia, Narcissistic) and she opened her closet (packed with clothes) and said I have nothing to wear. She finds fault with each article of clothing. She wants me to "drop her off" at the mall which I refuse to do. NOT SAFE. She buys beautiful tops and over and over says "I have nothing to wear. That top is not "me" anymore." So far, I just listen to her. I try to pick out 2 or 3 outfits for her before I leave. (I visit twice a week - she's well cared for - bather, nurse's aide, etc.) I just don't know what the right thing to do in this situation. I will call her doctor, however also wanted to know if anyone had ever heard of this before. Another factor, which could very well be at play, is she's had bladder infection after bladder infection this year. So it could be this behavior is temporarily appearing because of the bladder problem. The doctor just put her on another medication for the bladder problem because on Friday her culture came back positive again. Poor Mom. I want to help her however I don't think it's proper to just endlessly buy clothes because she says she has "nothing to wear". I also wondered if this was a social anxiety issue. Having nothing to wear means you can't participate in social activities. Thank you so much for your comments. I am new to this site and appreciate your advice.

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Emma, why don't you take some of her clothes home with you. Then when you return in a couple of weeks you bring one or two "New" items with you in a store shopping bag.
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It sounds to me like she is obsessing about her clothes, but that is not the real issue. If she is narcissitic, she may want the attention more than the clothes, or be trying to get some self esteem needs met this way. ( I am guessing here). With a narcissist, no amount of attention is ever enough for long, and if she uses clothes or buying clothig as a tool for attention getting, no clothing will ever be enough. If you can recognise that this is part of her illness and that she will never be satisfied with her clothing, then set some boundaries as to how often to shop, how much to spend etc, For practical reasons to make room in her closet, would she agree to giving some of her clothing away? Don't expect her to be happy or to change - unless this is associated with the UTIs. Also don't let it "get to you". It makes no sense, any more than the paranoid behaviours we often see here, make any sense, but then most narcissistic behaviour makes no sense to a normal person, and to some degree you have to learn to live with it. There is not much you can do to "fix" it" or to make her happy, You can set reasonable boundaries, and accept the situation so it doesn't bother you as much.
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Emma, could you take the clothes home with you, then rotate them by bringing the same ones back a few weeks later? Would she notice? Of course, bring them in a couple 'mall' or fancy store bags if you can.
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Why not go shopping at the local 2nd hand store? It would be fun, inexpensive, and maybe fill that need to get something new!
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Emma, I had similar problem with my mother as well. I think it stems from their shopping habits in the past; it did in my case, anyway. My mother was forever shopping and then having my poor father return most of it. She had a closet full of clothes as well and I was forever buying her new things. Yet, she would say "I have nothing to wear". The nurses told me she would give her clothes away to them or they would find them in the wastebasket.

So, the dementia and narcissistic personality played a huge role in this problem. I did start going to the second hand clothing stores as it was much cheaper. But, even though she had so much, she would deny it. When I took her shopping, she would buy clothes and then later didn't like them - it had become a pattern. So, I understand your frustration. And my mother couldn't afford to be doing all this shopping. The second hand store did help as I could frequently buy her different items more frequently. I tried to make her as happy as I could. Also, I would continually redirect the conversation. Thinking of you and hope you find something that works. Take care.
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Emma, my mother has racks and racks of clothes that she never wears. She often complains she doesn't have anything to wear. In her case I believe it is because she no longer understands about looking for things. If something is not right in front of her, it doesn't exist. I figured this out a while back when I noticed she couldn't find food that was not front and center in the refrigerator. The concept of looking was lost to her. Mixing and matching clothes or finding something to wear also became difficult for her, particularly because she often sits in her pajamas all day long. Clothes were alien things.

My mother is a hoarder. We have one whole room and several closets filled with clothes that she cannot make herself donate. Buying more clothes is not an option. What works for my mother is simply to say that we had just bought her some clothes, ask her what she is looking for, then direct her to some possibilities. My mother just needs some help with the search.

As a side note -- as many clothes as my mother has, she either wears pajamas or the same three outfits all the time. Go figure.
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Can you tell if it is really clothes she wants, or unsupervised time at the mall? Is she no longer able to go on the bus?

Can she afford more clothes?
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Get her some catalogs, let her spend time looking at the clothing and have her mark the items she thinks she would like to have. Maybe that will help to alleviate her need for shopping?
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More than the clothes issue I'd be concerned about the repeated bladder infection and what might be causing that. I don't mean to be cynical but do you know who all her caregivers are? Is it just lack of proper cleanliness or could there be sexual abuse? Is she able to tell you about opif there was? As for the clothes just take her around with you garage sale shopping once in a while and tell her that she needs to get rid of some if she wants to buy more. It's probably just fun for her to shop.
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You may get a kick out of this. My father is 97 and always was a dapper dresser.
Because of his advanced age he now really doesn't seem to care. If I see him before he's going somewhere I will say, "Dad, look at your shirt, it's got spots on it." His answer is "ah it's ok not going anywhere". Then two minuties later he's off going to the store or somewhere else, in the same spotted, stained shirt. His closet is full of nice, pressed shirts and pants. Does it really matter, YES to me it does. All I can think of is if his friends or anyone else sees him, will they think, doesn't his daughter take care of him??? I've bought him very nice button down collared shirts and nice slacks to wear. When he was working and traveling he always wanted his shirts perfectly pressed. My mother would, at the time, starch and press everything to perfection. So this is the end results of what's happening now. I guess we just have to go with the flow. :-)
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