Mom's step kids want to dole out money before she is gone. Any advice?

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Mom's step kids want to dole out money before she is gone. Any advice?

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Mom has Alzheimer's and in late stage. Her step kids both want to take a portion of her estate. They both feel she will not need it because she won't live more than 5 more years. I believe she could live longer. I don't need the money but my step sisters do need the money. When did it become ok to take inheritance before a person is resting in peace?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Estate Planning Will

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That is not ok, this is pure greed.Who has her POA? If it is you, you need to block them, the money she has is for her, not them, to provide for her as long as she lives.

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Thank you for your responce. I am not the POA. My step sister is, she has a family law attorney. According to my step sister, the attorney told her it can been done if everyone else agrees. I can't agree with this. She said if everyone else wants to take some money, she could take me to court and let the judge decide. She has no real hardship that I'm aware of. Can they do this if I don't agree?

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Yes and if she doesn’t live past five years and needs care, Medicaid won’t cover it until penalty period equal to money gifted is satisfied or they pay money back. They have to wait five years after gifting before they need Medicaid. And many states don’t cover memory care with Medicaid. So if she lives less than five years you’d better dig deep in your pockets cause private care can easily run $5-10,000 per month. And the people needing it now won’t have it to repay...

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I agree. The money is HERS and for her care. If she needs Medicaid in the next 5 yrs. She will be penalized for giving away her money.

I realize that her stepkids probably feel that their father contributed to that money. He should have left them some in his will then. Hopefully she has a will in place where they inherit. For now its your Moms.

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You make a very good point about the step-kids. I've run into this - the step kids regard part of the money their father inherited on the death of his spouse as "belonging" to his first wife, their mother. As if there was a divorce settlement and assets were split. The surviving spouse is sort of holding that portion of money "in trust" and basically the kids of the deceased first wife feel it is theirs since they feel that their mom, deceased first wife, should have given it to them.

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I doubt a competent lawyer would say what your step-sister said. I think she's acting like a bully. You could call her bluff and file charges to put her under investigation for doing her duties as a POA properly and let whoever know of her plans and what she claims the lawyer said. The money belongs to your mother and is for her care. I hope she has a will.

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I agree, I would hire my own attorney and challenge this.

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Cat, let her take you to court, I doubt that this is what the attorney said, she may have massaged this a bit. The law is very clear as to what someone who has the financial POA can and cannot do. Again I say, this money is there for your mother, not the POA and their gang of thieves.

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Since never, as far as I know, unless she gave them the legal right to take ANYTHING before her death. Is there somebody who she gave the legal power to take her property? It doesn’t sound as if she’s given it to the stepchildren. What kind of assets do they have to her assets? Physical assets? Joint accounts?
Your mom could live a lot longer than 5 years. What’s their plan if she does?
I guess I want to know her exposure here. If there was just a will and I were the executor, I’d just say no. My duty as a fiduciary would be to my mother, not to the beneficiaries, as long as Mom was still alive. And Mom might need that money.
There may be legalities here that I’m not aware of. But absent a valid legal doc that says otherwise, Mom owes the stepkids nothing until she’s resting in peace,
I’m sorry that you have to deal with this now.

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Thank you to everyone who brought up the Medicaid angle.

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Cat, oh good grief, what kind of Attorney would dole out that crazy information? That is so untrue, I don't know where to even begin. Makes me doubt that the step-child even talked to an attorney.

You need to make an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney, this type of attorney specializes in all laws pertaining to Elders. She/he will give you advice on what to do regarding the step-children wanting to hand out the money while your Mom is alive.

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freqflyer, you are quite right about elder law. This is financial exploitational abuse. What is wrong with this world, it happens all the time.

(3)

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This is fraud and abuse. It needs to be reported at once. Is someone POA? Is someone managing her accounts. She will need every single penny she has if she ends up needing care, which can run as high as 10,000 a month, and I am certain that her "kids" know that. I don't know the details here, but this sounds like a case for the police. Someone must be in charge of Mom's estate. They need to be protecting it from this sort of thing.

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It is not, and never has been, OK to steal from your parents! For heaven's sake, you know how much care costs ...and just how do these kids know mom will never need it, or live longer than five years? Her money is for her care. Period. Whoever is POA needs to be warned that this is fraud, elder abuse, a criminal offense and needs to guard mom's money like a mama grizzly. Any attempts to steal from mom, I'd call the cops right away.

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No, no, no.

That is reprehensible and they should get a second or third or maybe a 1st job to pay their own way.

It is not their inheritance until she passes and then only if it is in her will or trust.

Tell them if they touch the money you will turn to law enforcement for their financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior.

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And what is more interesting is that the POA dies with her. So, who is the PR of the estate, the person who will be in the drivers seat after she dies.

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Cat, I don't believe that an attorney told your sister that she can start distributing your moms cash assets. I would put your objection in writing, send a certified copy to all involved including her attorney and then file for guardianship of your mom.

I would find my own attorney because this will probably be a battle, but it is necessary to protect your mom, no one knows how long she has and to surmise otherwise is flat out bs.

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It never has. Who has POA for her finances. Is she in care because her money must go to her care. No. You can’t have her money before she dies. Too bad for your situation.

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This does bring up a very good point of preparing your will properly to make sure your children from first relationship are not cheated of their inheritance

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Cat, I'm laughing loudly - your stepsister is going to take you to court to force you to give your consent to a premature distribution of your mother's estate, is she?

Bring it on!

I think she was not listening to what her attorney told her. I think she heard what she wanted to hear.

After your mother has passed away - may she live forever - if all beneficiaries of an estate agree then a portion of the estate can be distributed before the estate has been through probate. I have a suspicion that that is what the attorney was trying to explain to her: that you won't all have to wait for probate to complete, which is good news because it can take ages.

But not she nor you nor anybody, not even if the world gives its blessing, can help themselves to your mother's money in anticipation of a future bequest.

Your stepsister is plain wrong.

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Absolutely not. If money is taken away and then mom needs care and it comes down to applying for Medicaid, from what I understand they will look back 5 years to any gifts given and want that money back. People are living way longer than is usually predicted the only one entitled to her money is your mom.

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A Power of Attorney (POA) must be set up when a person is no longer competent to manage money; if she is unable because of lack of cognition, guardianship is court appointed. This also means you need to be joint owner of her account in order to manage her bills. This requires POA. See an eldercare attorney so the Judge may be Petitioned for guardianship. An eldercare attorney got mom's estate entirely off of probate when she passes, so my brothers can seize...nothing. Then again I've been taking care of mom for over 20 years. The last five years were truly a living nightmare as her Alzheimer's went to advanced stages, and now she is bed bound and tube feedings. I sacrificed my life for her. Literally and truly. When she dies I do not know how I'm going to cope. Everday I pray for WW 3.

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Is the money in some kind of irrevocable trust of which the step kids are beneficiaries? If so, they MAY be able to access the money now, legally and without ramifications, if it was set up over 5 years ago.

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Beneficiary is after death. It is not while a person is alive and could potentially need the money for their care.

(3)

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Unless the step kids were legally adopted or they are specifically mentioned in a will or trust they may be counting on an inheritance that is non existent.

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I think the problem stems from step siblings are trying to get what belonged to their dad before poster's mom came into the picture. There is a note added above to a comment. However, mom unable to make decisions at this point, so if mom/her husband

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It is NOT okay to dip into funds that are expected to be left as an inheritance, while the decedent-to-be :) is still alive and no longer competent to dispose of her assets. (At this point she may be as likely to agree to give her money to a visiting therapy dog as to her family members.) The terms of her will only take effect after her death; this should be clear to your step-sister.

At least your step-sister has let you in on her plans/hope to dip into mom's money. And as POA she could easily do this. But it's probably not legal to use this money for anything other than your mother's needs. (Some states do allow PoA's to make gifts from the owner's funds.) You and she have a major conflict of opinion and she seems to have a conflict of interest. But her obligation is to your mother, not to her sister. The first thing I'd do is contact Adult Protective Services or another state office with authority and ability to act quickly to prevent any transfer of your mother's money. Then I'd engage an attorney to ensure that your mother's money will be preserved for her future care, which may entail yourself being appointed your mother's guardian with authority over her assets. (This will annul the PoA.) Good luck. Too bad that this all has probably caused a family rift.

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The stepsisters should also realize that assets distributed BEFORE your/their mother's death may have tax consequences that wouldn't exist if inherited AFTER her death. Of course this depends upon the amounts involved and what form they are in (cash vs stocks, for example).

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No! It’s stealing!

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Do you know who the attorney is that they SAY they have talked to? They are probably lying, no attorney would say something like that. Maybe that attorney did expand on what may happen, maybe sibs have selective hearing.

If you know who this attorney is, give the attorney a call to state your objection and reason why. Or get yourself get yourself an elder law attorney to send them a letter explaining why gifting before death is not at all appropriate. Or file an objection in court.

AND as a reminder dad could have left money to his children, but he did not. He wanted to make sure his wife had what she may need, FIRST. as it should be.

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May your mother outlive your stepsisters.

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Leave the assets alone AND mom outlives the stepsisters!!! Wouldn't that be a kick in the pants!!!

(1)

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Could your step siblings have misunderstood the lawyer? The reference to living five years makes me wonder if what they're trying to do is an irrevocable living trust, which would shelter assets not needed for the next five years so that your mother would qualify for Medicaid earlier, thus preserving those assets for her heirs? This would be something a POA could in theory arrange with a lawyer, and it makes sense that they might want the consent of all your mom's heirs to do it.

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Why should Medicaid pay when Mom has the assets?!

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This kind of reminds me of the story of the prodigal son who wanted his inheritance NOW.
I agree with Countymouse’s response...sounds logical.

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Agree with all that has been said . However immediately send certified mail to all involved of your objection . Plainly say the money is mom’s and for any care she needs at any given time . I’m certain all of us on this site are taking it day by day, never knowing what is in store later today nevertheless tomorrow. Take a copy of your letter and proof of certified mailing to an elder affairs attorney .

When it is time for mom to leave although your heart will hurt. You would know you protected her and advocated to the end.

She took care of these step children. The money is hers to take care of her . That’s exactly how it should be used. I’d also start keeping receipts or paper trail if you spend anything for her care, grooming, doctors etc...Certified letters and Elder affairs attorney by Monday . God bless and May your mom have many good years .

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It is NEVER ok to take the inheritance before the person passes. NEVER NEVER NEVER.

And 5 years is a very long time - should the need arise, Medicare will demand the monies back if they must step in with any assistance.

And we are NOT owed an inheritance. I don't know where that idea came from but no one is owed an inheritance from anyone.

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Agree, agree, agree! I have never understood why anyone thinks they are owed an inheritance. Get a job, save your money, and live on what you gather together in your own life. Also all these folks out there who complain about seeing someone get food stamps or some kind of 'free' assistance, but they will go above and beyond to hide mom's assets in order to get her on 'free' medicaid. It is disgusting. (And NO, mom didn't work all her life, pay taxes, to 'earn' medicaid -- Medicaid is for people who are or have been put at a below poverty level income. It is basically the food stamp program of the health care world)

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I think anyone would need advice from an Eldercare Attorney, thoroughly familiar with Rules of Medicaid. But, years back when the "Look Back" was two years, in Massachusetts, were were able to Gift her estate to the grandchildren, and the surviving children. The whole rationale is much too long, but the distribution of most her cash was divided into two parts. 1) How much could each person receives. (2) How much had to be held for before Medicaid would be eligible. And was treated as a gift, with no mention of "Rights" nor "Inheritance". Also, she was in Nursing home as an extension of the Rehab she was having, with the hope she'd eventually return to her home, which was also being held and cared for. She left no Trust nor even a Will, but we did have an active attorney making sure all the paperwork was done correctly.

That was around, 1992, as Medicaid like to change the rules like some people change their sox. So I imagine the lookback is now about 5 years (or more)?

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Yes, look-back is five years.

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I've heard of ppl who distributed monies to children prior to death to help them out, like buying a house, etc ... they stated why make them struggle & wait till we're gone, this way our grandkids are more comfortable too. Did your parents have a will/ trust in place should be the determining factor ... and them being stepchildren, unless they are listed will probably not be entitled to anything. Every situation is so unique

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There is a HUGE difference between competent people who decide to GIVE some of their assets to their children to help them out now and this SOB POA step sister wanting to TAKE mom's money (mom is NOT competent, so mom is not the one "gifting".)

Even if mom has a will, NEVER does one "inherit" before the person's death!

The "determining" factors here are the assets are mom's, she is not competent, there should be NO gifting (aka taking) of her assets.

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I am appalled by this! Please protect your mother's interests AT ALL COSTS. Make sure you are POA or Guardian. You have no idea how much money she will require for her continued care. SMH

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Mom's step kids want to dole out money before she is gone. Any advice?

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