When my MIL divided her money I was opposed to her doing it. When I realized it was a lost cause trying to talk her out of it I warned my bil NOT to touch it. I knew this would happen. Three years later he says it's gone. Frivolous spending will do that! My husband and I put it in a seperate account and didn't touch it. My MIL is 89 and not in the best of health. She has no other assets except for her monthly check and a burial fund (I hope). I'm sick to my stomach after hearing what he did and now on top of that I'm worried ... What if she needs long term care? All I know is we have our half of the money but they don't have theirs. Has anyone dealt with something similar who can shed light on this situation? Two years is a very long time to hold your breath and that's what I feel I'm going to be doing now!
TG, like you, my SIL was smart. She was able to sell her Moms house for a very good price. She is POA. First thing her sister asked was how much was she getting. Really! Her Mom definitely is looking at an AL soon. She is 77. She could go thru that money in 2 yrs of an AL So Medicaid is in her future.
DO NOT MOVE HER IN WITH YOU, even temporarily. Your H doesn't want you to, so don't ruin that relationship by doing so!
If there is a penalty period for Medicaid, you can pay your part from the money your mother gave you (I think?). Your brother will just have to keep your mother in his house because he can't give his portion back.
I repeat DO NOT MOVE HER IN WITH YOU because of your brother's spending the money she gave him and the fact that he doesn't want her living with him anymore.
All your husband can do is safeguard his mother's money until the look-back period is done (to cover the technical aspects) or indefinitely (to cover the moral aspects), and be prepared to use it for her care.
Your brother in law is an idiot. If your MIL does need substantial care within the next two years and the remaining 50% runs out, then he is in the frame for the ongoing costs up to the amount of the share he's already spent - as you realise. But the potential liability he is exposing himself to cannot rebound on you and your husband - unless you're tender-hearted enough to allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed into making up the deficit yourselves.
And, I have to say, your mother in law is even more of an idiot.
So, in conclusion, when it comes to crossing your fingers and hoping for the best as a form of planning, you can see where your BIL gets it from, can't you?
What is the worst case scenario you're envisaging?
I am not rich by any stretch of the imagination and I have my own financial obligations. I told my husband if he even breathes the word help when this $h*t hits the fan I'm waisting no time heading straight to a lawyer. I will not take this lying down!!!!
Continue to refuse to let MIL move in (as you did before she moved in with BIL). You can bet BIL will try to make that happen when it becomes obvious there will be a Medicaid penalty.
MIL stupidly gave away her money, and BIL stupidly spent it. Let those two Stupids deal with the consequences.
I'm hoping though that if Medicaid is needed they can somehow attach a lien or something to the 80K they put down on the condo their in OR make them sell to pay back what they moronically spent!
Sorry to hear you mil is not doing well. Regarding the 5 year Medicaid lookback the important thing to consider is determine how long the penalty would be. This is determined by the average cost of care in your state. You can check online. Depending on the amount of money gifted (including yours and bil) you need to figure if penalty would be longer than just simply waiting the 2 years to enroll in Medicaid.
I had an elder care attorney inFla that helped with my Mom enrolling in Medicaid. You can always put application in and just not enroll her if you are not ready yet. It took almost 9 months for my Mom to officially be covered under Medicaid. Her attorney told me just get app in and when they call with care questionare they ask many questions as to level of needs. It is a slow process.
You should figure the exact date money was given away and determine exactly 5 years after the date and apply for Medicaid few months before. This might be much sooner than incurring a penalty. Some penalties depending on dollar amount incurred can be much more than 2 years. Good luck and do listen to others about Not letting her move in with you! Sometimes this disqualified them from acceptance as you are then responsible for their care.
My mom was still in her home and I took her with me all day for 2 years and my lazy brother who lived with her all his life only had to make sure she didn’t wander out overnight but even that was a challenge! Now my mom is in nice small residential care home and doing well. Her ss pays half and star pays other half. Good luck to you; it is a long journey. Many hugs!!
Your DH and BIL should talk with mom and look into getting a guaranteed issue burial insurance policy. They are usually small, between $3K-20K worth of insurance, but you would have that in place to help cover funeral and burial costs when the time comes in case for some reason the burial fund isn't there as expected.
Gabriel Heiser
Who has financial POA? If you or husband, get it changed NOW to BIL, because whoever has it has to worry about this. That is what hubby & I did with his parents when they were loaning money to SILs that then turned to gifting.
Any money not spent on legitimate expenses during the 5-yr look back period that Medicaid will comb thru will affect the timing of when Medicaid starts. Fortunately for your BIL, because MIL was living with them, he can meet with an elder-care lawyer, one well versed in applying for Medicaid, who will help him with documenting qualifying expenses. That is what my cousins had to do when they were applying for Medicaid for my aunt.
I, along with so many others, can’t stress enough to NOT have MIL move in with you. So many red flags there if you do. My SILs, who live together & have MIL there as well, tried to do this when things got less than ideal and MIL could no longer frivolously spend money on them. Key word is TRIED. No amount of guilting or pressure could make us cave. We offered to help, with her staying with them, but that wasn’t acceptable — it was all or nothing. Ok, fine; that’s your choice. We all have to learn to live with the results of our choices. Right now my husband is considered the “no-help” sibling who “abandoned” them. Gaslighting at its finest.
Anyway, perhaps you & hubby, or just you if you’re OK with that, could offer some very specific assistance when she goes back home to them. Good luck!
This is not a time to use your neighbor's brother who specializes in Family Law or your boss's daughter who is into Corporate Law. The specialty is critical. Find an Elder Law specialist.
if there is money you will use it towards a Funeral Trust...the only use of any money unless there is more u will do a spend down...My Dad only had 10,000 that my Brother had left in there for his funeral....anything else.....you are not allowed more that 2000 in an account for Medicaid...so prepare yourself...………...no retirement accounts,insurance proceeds etc and hopefully check out the Medicaid NH in the area and make sure you can get into a good facility nearby...only so many beds...…...if you are a Veteran or a widow you can look into this as its truly THE BEST FOR SENIORS IN THEIR HELP...MEANMING THEY SAVED MY DAD WITH
PROVIDING MONEY WITH AID AND ATTENDANCE MAKING IT EASIER
ON HIS SON WHO DIED BY KICKING IN 900 PER MO...…….TO PAY HIM TOWARDS HIS CARE....AT 96 DUE TO NOT KNOWING RESOURSES...
PLEASE GET ALL YOUR INO!!!!!!!!!!!!
See an ELDER LAW ATTORNEY!
Hope she stays healthy!