I am 65 and lost my wife 12 years back. My mother is 86 and and lost my father 25 years back. We are staying together for last 8 years. She drives me crazy by doing everything which I tell her not to do do. Recently for last two years it is becoming practically impossible to cope with her. What do I do to improve my life.
You're not a prisoner. It might take a lot of work to improve your life but if you really feel that it's time consider alternative living arrangements.
Maybe it's time for you guys to break up. Can mom live in an ALF? Can you also live independently? It's unlikely at your ages that either of you will "change" so maybe change out the living situation. You still have a long ways in front of you and I personally would go batty living with my mother and "trying" to get her to do my will. It just wouldn't work.
You most likely have her best interests at heart, but she may just see it as you being bossy. My mother told me off, big time, last year when she was trying to get an unnecessary surgery done. It was an epiphany for me that she really didn't respect me (or my sibs) and our concerns for her. She just wanted what she wanted. I stayed away for about 5-6 months and after that, we were fine. I quit trying to "run her life" and when she annoys me, I leave. Much better for both of us. Good luck with this.
Try a more collaborative approach. She's probably not happy with her own situation so bear that in mind and try to support her and work with her. She's not an employee.
I'm a little OCD so I can sympathize. But in the end, if it doesn't hurt them, might as well let her have her way. One day I could tell Mom what to do, the next day she'd get mad. Look at it her way, she has done what and how she wanted all her adult life and now here child is telling her what to do. They get like children and need to be treated as such.
For a time, I set my father up in the finished basement here. I gave him a kitchenette area - refrigerator, pantry, microwave, hotplate, toaster, etc. - and lots of room for his things and his life, separate from my things and my life upstairs. It worked great, for the most part, to keep him content and out of my hair daily.
Is there extra room in your house, or can you make room, to mimic you both having your independent lives even while you're living together?
Do you have doctors nearby who can test her mental capacity? It sounds as though she may need full time supervision at this point.
Here I was convinced I was the only one going thru this particular hell( excuse my language). My Mom has never been
easy but now it's like a vindeta against me and my long suffering Husband, who by the way, is usually the ONLY voice of reason here. and a Prince.
She would most surely be in an ALF, except, she's an 88 year old smoker, oh yeah, with only mild COPD?????? Great mystery of life, right?
As soon as I can find a Caretaker or aSL facility to take her, she'll be there , but as this point I'm Slowly loosing my mind and trying despritely to keep my 50 year marriage together......
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