HELP! I am a caregiver for my MIL, she just turned 85 but has always been a woman who has been spoiled to the point where she never did much of anything herself. When I ask her to change her pull-up, her standard answer is; "I don't need to, I am dry". She will go all day without changing, she will change before she goes to bed. Now she doesn't want to wash her hands before we eat, she says that's not her way, I told her it's our way and if she doesn't want to wash, than she doesn't touch any of the food when we all are eating at the table. I just don't know what to do anymore. My children don't want to come over to dinner because they see her with her finger up her nose all the time they are here visiting.
Harsh but I just kept telling she stunk.I did not take "no" as an answer to bathing.
However.....the main reason for her not bathing may be her inability to bathe without help, she knows she can't alone or is fearful of falling and/ or she's modest.
I give my mother a towel "wrap" that hides her from bust to knees.She gets and out of the bath/shower with it.I make myself "busy" wiping down sinks, cleaning the toilet etc. while she bathes.
Hairdresser once a week (12 dollars). Day out, we stop for lunch or go for a ride.
Also found a perfume/cologne she liked at VT country store. Evening in Paris. Brought back memories, renewed her interest in personal care.
Hands: Hard one that...so I use a disinfectant spray throughout the day on surfaces she touches.
I also offer scented baby wipes after meals etc. They smell wonderful! She likes them, I LOVE them.
Remember, the fewer germs you and family are exposed to, the more likely you are to get disease.
You worry far too much.Many carers in here are exposed to the worse of the worst daily and the primary complaint is fatigue not creeping bong bong disease they caught from their elderly charge. Relax.
youtube/watch?v=IxwJgDg3bYU
This is the Caregiver College video on proper bathing technique:
youtube/watch?v=lvQtjY3-bcE
Here's a link to the Youtube list of videos about bathing & dementia. There are a lot of information sources out there about how to conquer the "No" problem as well as how to perform the bathing maneuvers.
youtube/results?search_query=bathing+dementia
Cange the pulll
Before my mother went there, she didn't bathe either. But, once it became routine at the NH, she just goes with the program.
My MIL's AL, recently had a virus, that quarantined them all to their rooms, for 10 days. The whole place was cleaned like a ship. So, I have both mother's in different homes and everyone is clean.
My advice is insist that she move out. You really don't need her problems.
If she is cognitively healthy and just spoiled as you indicate, then a tougher approach may be needed. Either way, if your family finds her behavior so disgusting that they don't want to visit, you may have to find another way to have her cared for. I do feel a visit to a neurologist is in order to determine what's going on.
Good luck,
Carol